Why do people feel like abortion is so wrong but adoption is so right?

Question

I think that everyone has their own rights. Yes they say give the baby a chance to live but they arent the ones who will be their for you when the time gets rough. I understand that people should take responsibilty for their actions. But I would rather not give my child away because you are going to really going to wonder where the baby is and whats the baby like. Even if you get to visit the baby you will oneday get on your feet and want to take the baby from the adopted parent. What do you all think? Abortion or Adoption?

Answer 1

The "abortion vs. adoption" argument goes against logic and common sense.  Women have abortions because of an unwanted pregnancy.  Women who do not have abortions then choose whether or not to parent.  Completely separate issues and, as someone else said, completely different timing.

As for abortion being "murder," more and more research is bringing to light the fact that a fetus is not a living being.  It has already been proven that, until 8 weeks, a fetus is exactly the same as a cancer tumor - the cells are identical and collectively act as a cancer tumor.

Other research is beginning to show us that the consciousness and spirit of a potential newborn exist outside the fetal body and only enter the body moments before birth.  Until then, abortion is merely removing a growth.

If the consciousness and spirit of the woman or man who will eventually discover a cure for AIDS needs to get here, it will find and enter a body being born.  The only chance of that consciousness being squashed is if the mother it chose then relinquishes that child to another - another who may not provide the right environment for that person to carry out her/his mission.

I really really wish we would all do away with the ridiculous "adoption vs. abortion" argument.  They are completely unrelated.

Answer 2

Hi Kissyluv,

While I do not expect us all to agree on an issue as controversial as abortion or adoption, I do not see either as birth control methods as some people do.  They are not even choices that can be made at the same time.  One is the choice to not continue being pregnant, and the other is the choice to not parent a child.  I realize adoption is often mistakenly lumped in with reproductive choices when it definitely should not be.

Many years ago, women had little control over their reproductive systems.  Birth control was not as reliable,  and it was certainly not available for singles anyway.  Abortion was illegal and dangerous.  The health of many women was in danger.  Some pregnancies were wanted.  Some unwanted ones occurred under less than ideal conditions.  Too many pregnancies too early often led to economic hardships and educational limitations on the entire family.  Sadly, many women died trying to terminate early pregnancies illegally.

When Roe vs. Wade was passed, one of the intentions behind it, aside from saving women's lives, was to ensure that ALL children born would be WANTED children by their parents.  It empowered women to plan their families, to decide when they would have children, and how many children they would have.  It is a legal option and a right to terminate an early pregnancy if the woman decides being pregnant at this time is not right for her.

As you noted, some people feel that abortion is wrong.  One reason is a sense of entitlement they may have towards other people's children.   Sometimes that could be brought about by their own inability to conceive and carry a child.  If they are getting the message from society that they are incomplete without children, it should be changed.  

Another reason some people feel that infant adoption is right is because they have a vested interest in the continuous supply of babies available for sale to infertile people.  Again, the purpose of adoption should never be about recruiting babies for childless homes.  It is about finding the best home for a child who already needs a home.   It should not be about creating additional needy children!  We have enough children already who need homes!  The day we have no more children without families is a day to celebrate!  It is not a day to purposely go out looking for new ways to make more children lose their families.

There is no RIGHT to have other people's children, regardless of how much money you may have.  There IS a right NOT to have children, either your own, or someone else's.  I believe it is wrong to force a woman to endure a pregnancy and to give birth to a child only to have that child taken from her, unless that is what she freely wants to do.  It is wrong to pressure her with biased counseling or to make her feel that she is inadequate as the mother of her own child if parenting is something she would like to do.  If she does not want to parent, it is still not her responsibility to provide children for others when she is considering what the best reproductive choice is for herself.

I also believe it is wrong to purposely bring a child into the world with the express intention of subjecting him/her to a lifetime of being an adoptee.  The pain of that experience, the loss of identity, the legal inequalities, etc. is not always offset by buying the child extra toys and designer clothes.  Anyone who does not believe that exists, should visit some adoptee and natural mother blogs and do some research.  It will be very apparent.  Separating a mother and a baby is wrong.  It has lifelong effects on both the mother and the child.  I totally understand why mothers would not be in favor of infant adoption for the reasons you stated, and for many others.  You are correct, her circumstances are often temporary.  Her baby needs her, and she is the best person for her child.  Outside of abuse or addiction, there is no reason for anyone to be telling her that her baby is better off without her.  Adoption merely guarantees a different life, not a better one.

The prevailing view that adoption is always seen as so right needs to change. It is NOT win/win for anyone other than adoptive parents, who get somebody else's infant, and for adoption industries, who make huge $$'s off of every infant they can place.  Everyone else experiences real LOSS, which is too often dismissed or minimized, especially for the adoptee.  Thanks for asking.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 3

I do not think that life begins at conception, I think it begins when the fetus has brain waves. Therefore, I think early abortion is better than adoption, because there are soooo many children in the foster system in the US that never get adopted. Pro life people: adopt some children if you feel so strongly about it, put your money where your mouth is. Its easy to look down on someone who has to make tough choices.

Answer 4

You're right, everyone has their own rights.

That includes your unplanned baby.

s/he has as much right to live as anyone else.

These days you can arrange open adoptions.

That's where the birth mother has some contact.

Most children will understand that you did the best for them.

Yes, it may be a painful huge sacrifice at the time.

But surely that is better than murdering the innocent.

Answer 5

So, let me get this straight. You would rather kill your child then to wonder where it is and what it's like.  Don't you think that you would wonder what it would have been like if you hadn't aborted it.  I would think that it would be harder to think about the fact that you didn't give the child a chance then to wonder where it is.  Definitely adoption.

Answer 6

and so many mothers who abort also constantly wonder, "i wonder what my babies favorite color would have been", or "where would they be in their lives now?"

at least with adoption you know your child is safe and alive. Don't deprive a child of their chance at life just because you don't want someone else to raise him or her.

Answer 7

Um Noodles this was a very personal attack and yeah I gave you a huge thumbs down and I reported you. Just saying.. Might want to tone it down a bit. Telling a cancer survivor you wish she had died and that she should have been sterilized is pretty personal and it is against the TOS of Yahoo Answers

Abortion is better than adoption and personally having made both choices, I feel no regret over the abortion, but I feel plenty of grief and anger over the adoption!

and yeah this is the answer I had written up before I got angry and had to stop in the middle of things..

Ya know Noodles you almost had an answer I could agree with, up until the part where you started calling names and trying to kick ****. I agree with your stance on abortion in so far as no man has a right to tell me what to do with my body, after that you just lost me.

As for abortion and adoption, personally having done both, I can say without doubt that abortion is much easier and less painful. Today I have no pang of regret, no unresolved grief, no PTSD from my choice. (yes it was a choice and one I made knowing exactly what I was doing, unlike adoption when I had no clue what was really going to happen to me and to my child) I can state with a certainty that abortion was the right choice when I chose it and adoption for ME was the worst thing I could ever have done. I was lied to, made to feel less than, made to feel as if I were not worthy of parenting my child, when clearly I was the perfect mother for my child. If there had been any one who spoke up and said "Don't do this crazy thing" ( and it was crazy) I would never have signed anything, no matter what was said to me. If a single person had given me just a little support I would today be the mother of four raised children instead of a mother to three raised children!

I wonder every day why people even equate these two things. Women who will abort, will abort, women who lose children to adoption, will still lose children to adoption. These two topics do not even belong on the same page. The issues behind both of these things are completely different.

Ummm Lucy C. I hate to break it to you, but some of us do not wonder every day what the child would have looked like. I don't wonder about it, I rarely think about it, and honestly I am not sorry I made that choice. It was the right thing to do at the time.

Answer 8

Hopefully i would never have to be in this situation. Abortion is killing one of Gods children that God made from a Christian point of view it is very wrong and statistics have proven that after abortion women are more likely to have depression and even commit suicide. At least if you are going to be unable to care for the child, then adoption. Most adoptive parents are unable to have children or just want children. At least you know that your child would go into a loving and caring family. Personally though, if you're stupid enough to ever come into this situation then you should face the consequences and learn from your mistakes. There are many organisations out there that will loan you clothes, toys, prams, cots etc for the child and help to find you accomodation. Adoption would be my vote

Answer 9

ABORTION is killing a human life............adoption is giving that new life a chance!

Answer 10

I agree with Heather H.  These are two different things.  I think it was Heather H. who said in a previous answer that abortion is about ending a pregnancy; adoption is about ending parenthood.  I agree with her 110%.  

Abortion and adoption are both personal choices that only you can make and decide what is right for you and your unborn child.  I personally believe that abortion is murder - and not just because I am adoptive parent - but I also believe that it is the woman's right to choose.

Answer 11

Wow.  That is the most self-centered thing I've ever heard.



Because you refuse to bother yourself with wondering how the child might turn out, you would go ahead and terminate his life?  I am at a loss for words...

There should be a debate concerning abortion vs. adoption, however, the focus should be on the person whose life is being ended.

To Julie J: while we are usually in agreement, on this issue our perspectives are different.  I suggest, that the issue is not whether there is a legal right to have children.  The issue is whether the action in question is objectively good.  To quote William Smith, "laws without morals are useless."

Answer 12

Abortion is killing the child within you.  An innocent life that will never have the chance to experience life.

Adoption is a loving thing where the child does have a chance to be loved and nurtured by people who really want her/him.

I would opt for adoption.

Answer 13

This for each person to think carefully about in their own heart if they are in the situation.  I don't believe in judging others unless you have also been there - people have different values and are in different situations, and in some cases abortion is right for them, in some adoption, and in some keeping the baby.

If you aren't prepared to become a parent (the biggest undertaking of your life), I would hope that you'd consider that there are thousands of couples out there who can't have children who could raise the child well.  This is a very unselfish choice - you have to put the good of the baby ahead of your own wants.  But that's what it means to be a parent.

I am quite close to two open adoptions, and although the birth mothers do come visit and do have a special relationship with the children, we all know they weren't ready at the time to be parents, and when they are ready, they will have their own families.  They will always have a special link to the child they gave birth to, but they are not going to want to "take the baby back" at any point.  Once the child is old enough, their parental relationship is with the adoptive parent, and it's plain to see.  No one with a heart would take a child away from their family and a loving home.

Answer 14

Been there, done that. I risk vile and nasty emails but I really don't care.

Had my son coerced out of me when I was 20. Had my daughter taken by force when I was also 20. The reason? I had (have) an eating disorder.

Had an abortion at 22. The reason? NOBODY will EVER get their grimy paws on another of my children. I am a perfectly fit mother and always have been. I just happen to have a disorder as well. Well that and being in the middle of radiation therapy for cancer. Mostly the cancer but I was still glaringly aware that "they" would see that as yet another medical condition to use against me should I parent.

Had my youngest at 28. Her dad is a first class deadbeat. I raise her alone and I do a pretty darn good job at it.

Had an abortion at 29. My reason? I refuse to bring another of the "sperminator's" offspring into the world. I didn't want another battle with postpartum depression/psychosis and to be honest I just don't tolerate pregnancy well since the evil "C".

***edit

Hey crunchie92? Did you know that many, and I mean MANY, natural moms contemplate, attempt and succeed in suicide?? Yeah, I didn't think so, nor do I think you would care. Just felt like pointing it out.

Answer 15

Adoption is life.  Abortion is death.  What is so hard to figure out about that?

Answer 16

abortion is taking that life adoption is saving it and giving it the best chance in life and giving a couple the chance to enjoy a chil d and the bio parents get the satifaction of knowing the child is safe an cared for

Answer 17

Abortion really has nothing to do with adoption

Answer 18

Adoption....Don't blame the baby if you make a mistake and get pregant. Give them a chance to live a long and happy life evening if her or she is not with there real parents...Abortion is MURDER...........

Answer 19

Anything to avoid taking a life, even though unborn.

By the way, learn the differences between there, their and they're.  It makes you sound not too bright.

Answer 20

Let me ask this question, would you rather be aborted or adopted?  

I know it's easier to just abort the child so you don't have to carry it for nine months,  but I think we all can agree that adoption is the humane thing to do.

Think about all of the couples who can't have their own children who would feel very blessed to have a child  given to

them to adopt.

Many women abort their babies and then for their entire

lifetime feel the guilt of killing their child.  I would rather

have a clear conscience, and live in peace, wouldn't you?

Do the admirable thing and give the child LIFE!!

Answer 21

I don't personally judge either decision.  I think it's a very personal thing, and each woman in that situation much make the decision based on what she thinks is best.  Afterall, as you pointed out,SHE s the one who has to live with that decision....not the rest of us.  I will say, as an adoptee, I appreciate the fact that my own bio mother didn't abort me although that was probably illegal in Korea back then.  While I know it may have caused her a great deal of heartache, I appreciate the fact that she chose to give me life & to give me a chance at life.  Because of her, I've had the opportunity to have a wonderful childhood, great parents who love me, lots of friends through the years, a typical college experience, and finding my one true love.

Answer 22

People who are against abortion believe that ending a life is wrong no matter how old it is.  Adoption has nothing to do with ending a living thing. You rather end a life instead of let a good ready family adopt it because you don't want to wonder about it.  I don't want to sound harsh and I know you are in a difficult situation but terminating a pregnancy so you won't have to have emotions does seem a little selfish.

Answer 23

People think abortion is wrong because they think it's murder. If you think a fetus is a baby, then of course you are going to think abortion is wrong.

Adoption, on the other hand... people seem to think THAT is right because they've been told to believe that. And because they have the mistaken impression that adoption saves babies from abortion. It doesn't, but people don't seem to understand that.

When I got pregnant I made two separate choices at two different points in time.

Quick rundown: Found out I was pregnant. First thoughts--c**p, I am NOT ready to be pregnant. Now what? Ummm. I could abort. Maybe? Ugh. Can't stomach the thought. But maybe? Ugh. Really don't want to. Doesn't feel right. But what am I going to do with a baby?

Next, biological father brought up abortion. Thoughts (and spoken words) at that point--NO WAY. Sorry, you're going to have to deal. I'm not getting an abortion. Period. And that solved that. Note that I did NOT have any clue what I'd do beyond staying pregnant... I just knew I couldn't abort my baby. NO MATTER WHAT, I couldn't abort my baby. There was zero resolution on my part as to what I WOULD do, I just knew I couldn't abort.

Next, started considering adoption. Thoughts for the next nine months--too complicated to get into, but never once revisited the abortion option. Not once. Waffled between parenting and adoption. Again, never once revisited abortion and never regretted not getting one. Eventually, "chose" adoption.

_____________

Do you see it? Two different decisions, two different points in time. Women who choose AGAINST aborting are women who have a strong personal reaction against it. There's no need to present adoption to these women, because it doesn't matter WHAT happens in the end, they just know they can't go through with an abortion.

The women who choose FOR abortion, on the other hand, already know they can legally give their babies up for adoption... (seriously, has anyone EVER met a teen or adult woman in the U.S. who doesn't know they can give their kid up?)... but why on earth would they? If they have no strong, personal, visceral reaction against abortion, then why on earth would they go through the agony (yes, agony) of an unintended pregnancy for nine months and the pure TORTURE of giving their babies up... followed by a lifetime of h e l l living as a disenfranchised mother? If a woman's comfortable with abortion, there's absolutely no reason she'd choose the harder path of adoption when she could just abort.

So presenting adoption as an alternative to abortion just makes no sense. Literally, none. The women who would be willing to entertain adoption are already the ones who are NOT going to have an abortion.

_________________

And yet the industry continues to present adoption as an alternative to abortion. This is a serious problem, for numerous reasons:

(1) Adoptees get told over and over that they should be grateful for having been "given life." GAG. As if they should have to feel any more grateful than anyone else for being alive!

(2) It stereotypes us first moms. I NEVER seriously considered abortion--my flirtatious thoughts with it lasted about two days, and they were VERY fleeting thoughts, I mean it popped into my head maybe twice on my own... and when the bio father brought it up, that was it, I knew I couldn't and that was the end of it. It is stereotyping and demeaning for people to assume that I ever seriously considered it. Do people thank EVERY mother they meet for not having an abortion? No? Why not? Then why do they thank ME? It's a backhanded compliment, at best. Don't they ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I loved my daughter as much as any other woman--and that I never considered aborting a baby I loved? Or that maybe I had just as much morals as anyone else--and that I never considered aborting, because of that? How dare someone assume I entertained abortion, just because I was single and young!

(3) It leads the general public, infertile people, potential adoptive parents, and (less educated) adoptive parents to believe that adoption is WONDERFUL, period... because after all, it is saving babies from abortion. This sort of blanket endorsement of adoption, predicated on the MYTH that those babies have been saved from abortion, makes it extremely difficult for the general public, p-aparents, and aparents to see the complexities of adoption. If people believe that adoption is wonderful because it saves babies from abortion, they are less likely to look hard at all the ethical issues in adoption... because after all, what do those matter by comparison, if a baby's life is saved?  

__________________

Plain and simple, it's a marketing tactic to present adoption as an alternative to abortion. A marketing tactic started by the adoption industry and pro-life groups who never bothered to take the time to find out if their assumption--that adoption saves babies from abortion--was even true. And in fact... their assumption is NOT true.

So all those groups are doing is: stereotyping first moms; making adoptees feel they should be extra grateful; and whitewashing the complexities and difficulties in adoption. They are NOT actually saving any babies from abortion by presenting adoption as an alternative, because that is just NOT how women experience the decision-making process.

Think about it: you can't decide WHAT to do with your baby until you have first decided to HAVE your baby. Even if the decisions seem simultaneous ("Okay I'm pregnant, what do I do?, abortion parenting or adoption... okay, adoption")... even if the decisions SEEM simultaneous, there is still the simple, logical fact that a woman can't decide to relinquish or parent until she's already decided to carry the baby to term. So abortion and adoption are two distinct decisions, one made prior to another.

So.... point in all of this... if people want to decrease the number of abortions in the U.S.? The solution is not--and never will be--pushing adoption. You've only got two effective options: (1) outlaw abortion; and/or (2) HELP MOTHERS IN CRISIS PREGNANCIES. Help them with finances. Help them with insurance. Help them with housing. Help them with time off work. Help them with childcare. HELP THEM. Make the prospect of parenting less overwhelming! Make it POSSIBLE for them to choose parenting!

Answer 24

i disagree with the others. you are very right!

if i gave a baby up for adoption i would always wonder about it and think of it. if i ever saw it grown up i would probably want to steal it away...

either way the child was unwanted on some end of it.

but to the general population it is a matter of personal choice and not of what others should tell you what to do with your body.

Answer 25

I call myself pro-choice because I really am pro-choice.  If a woman wants to raise her child, that's fine; if she wants to give it away, that's fine; if she wants to abort, that's fine.  It's her life, and her choice is nobody else's damned business.

I don't want children.  Nor could I give a kid up for adoption.  These are my personal choices and I couldn't care less what anyone thinks about them.  Stats tell us up to 43 per cent of US women will have an abortion during their childbearing years, so I don't know why we scapegoat the women who'll admit to it, as if it weren't a common practice.  Most abortions are done in the first trimester.  I don't see the sin, I don't see the moral dilemma, I don't see the problem.  

Interestingly, Susan Faludi claims Operation Rescue started when Randall Terry's infertile wife started picketing clinics with a sign that said "Don't Kill Your Baby--Give It To Me."  So adoption and abortion have been conflated by some since Roe v Wade was passed.

They're not the same thing, and they never will be the same thing.  A twenty-minute medical procedure is not carrying baby for nine months, falling in love with it, and then giving it to someone else to raise.  I know which option I felt would have done more physical and psychological damage to me, and I chose the other one.  Many women have made different choices.  I don't tell them what to do and I don't publicly shame them for their decisions.

Answer 26

I agree with you.

In both cases - the pregnancy is an unwanted one.

If the pregnancy is taken to term - and the mother decides to give her child away to a family of strangers - the child will forever have to live with the knowledge that his/her own mother didn't want them.

Yes - people can try to make it sound all wonderful - but that is what it is.

If you haven't lived that life (as an adoptee) - or through an unplanned pregnancy - you have no idea what that feels like.

If you have - and you disagree - that's fine.

For me - I had a scare in my teens - and I knew - without a doubt - that there was no way that I would have ever given my own child away to another.

Answer 27

Abortion is a far better alternative to adoption.

People who state that abortion is "murder" are functioning at a very low cognitive level. Don't listen to them.

We are approaching a world population of 7 billion. The world needs more abortions.

Answer 28

Adoption-  The only way I would ever have an abortion  would be if it was for a serious medical condition, in which I would likely  die. If that happened I would be responsible and get my tubes tied afterwards.   If I couldn’t provide or give my child the best life I would place him or her for adoption. I’d rather know he or she was alive then to have to live the rest of my life knowing that I snuffed his or her life out.  Perhaps the person who would find the cure for Aids has been aborted.

I realize the world is over populated but if we didn’t have some families that have 7+ biological children.  Instead if they desire a very large family have some biological children and if able adopt some children as well.  There are other ways to try and control population. Other then killing the unborn.

I do agree that if someone is for adoption and against abortion they should be willing to eventually adopt themselves if they are cable of doing so.  I do plan to one day adopt if I am able.

Answer 29

Abortion is killing a human life. Adoption is giving that life a chance to live. There are many agencies and support groups to help with counseling and dealing with the feelings you have mentioned.  Depending what agency you use you can choose the family you want to raise your child. Then you can choose how much of a relationship you want to have with your child and their parents.

Answer 30

It's not for me to decide. This type of thing is a Personal decision that cannot be generally spread across the board like that. Every woman has her own circumstances, history, fears, inside and outside influences that come into play in such a heavy decision.

The world is not an ideal place. Saying that having an abortion would stop you from thinking about the baby is not so. You will STILL think about the baby. Daily. What s/he would look like now, how old, what interests, how smart, who would they resemble? etc etc.

Saying that giving up your baby for adoption is also not that simple. There are many many children in our affluent countries that sit in foster care waiting, waiting sometimes until they are full grown adults - for a family to take them. That family does NOT always come. The family that does come is not always loving, caring, and perfect. These children are often NOT welcomed into someones home with open loving arms.

These are fairy tales people say to help them get over the guilt.

The same way people say that having a child as a teenager is 'just fine', maybe a bit 'tough' but really hasn't affected their future at all.

All three choices, are impossibly hard.

And that is why it must be the womans decision. Because she is the one that has to live with what's decided. No escaping it.

Answer 31

I believe that having an abortion is killing a human, and obviously that's wrong but even if you don't belive that. If you are going to wonder what your baby is like if they are adopted don't you think you will wonder what the baby would have been like? Would they have done great things or cured cancer or just been a loving mother or father? So I would definitly go with adoption.