Why do people feel that bullying is an acceptable parenting method?

Question

If one kid hits another kid or bullies them, it's considered a bad thing and that kid is punished or disciplined. Yet, for some reason, some parents think that hitting (you might prefer the synonym "spanking"), yelling at, or embarrassing a child is an acceptable form of "parenting." What's up with that? If you want a child to show respect, why not show that child respect? If you want a child to be a kind person, why not show that child kindness? I don't understand this society's view that the best way to make a kid a respectful person is to totally disrespect the kid. It just makes no sense.

Answer 1

The parents think that if they are controlling the kids will stay in line and be good forever but sometimes this backfires so i dont see it as a good idea..when they get older some rebel

Answer 2

not all parents are like this, but those are the parents that do really have valuble lessons. i agree that kids shouldint get spanked in public, thats emberrasing. but as long as its npt a spank that hurts so bad, its okay.

Answer 3

Because these parents prefere the reactive method of parenting - waiting until its too late to correct behviour - rather than taking the time to teach and guide their children from the onset.  Discipline involves being a positive role model.  In my opinion, parents who spank don't take the time to actually "parent".  But that is just my opinion.

Answer 4

Look, I'm 17 and I think one of the best decisions my parents made was to "spank" me when I was a kid.  I hate to say it, but I totally disagrees with you on pretty much every point you made.  More times than not, the ones that didn't get disciplined as a kid, are the ones that turn out to be raging brats that can't yield to correction.  May be embarrassment is a little far, but if used right, can sure teach a lesson.

Edit - I wish to add that there is a difference in hitting and spanking.  Hitting is overboard on the correction scale and I will agree, there are plenty of times that a verbal correction and may be even a time out is appropriate, but I stand firm that a good spanking can be very effective in obedience.   If yall (Hurray for southern speech!) want proof that spanking isn't negative, look at me!  I'm a all A student, active in church, have never been in a fight what so ever (besides sibling rivalry of course).  So I hate to say it, but I do believe yall's form of a spank is more abuse than correction.

Answer 5

Clearly you don't have a screaming child that is doing his or her best to cause a !@#! storm.

Why? Because it works. You can stand a kid in a corner or tell them they have a time out, but you have to do it over and over and over and they don't learn.

Johnny says "Snit! Snit! Snit!" because he thinks its funny to see your reaction regardless of what you say to him and who he is in front of...

Johnny says "Sn..." and you smack the c**p out of him and he won't do it again.

It is not about disrespect or bullying. It is about results. Why do you think that this last generation is so useless and has such an (unfounded) sense of entitlement?

Our parents smacked us and their parents smacked them and so on, and everyone turned out alright and we learned not to scream "Fuuuu.." out the window while driving down the street.

We learned that it is not OK to drop spaghetti jars on the floor at the grocery store.

We learned it is not OK to do or not do a lot of things. What does sending a kid to his room teach him? What does a time-out teach a kid? "My big punishment for putting peanut butter on all the walls is to be sent to my room?!?!?! I'll play Playstation or watch TV or text my friends."

Please! Sometimes what kids (and some adults and animals for that matter) need is good smack on the ash.

-Add-

So when your kid holds a gun on my kid, I am not going to ask the cops to give him a time out, unless it is a permanent one. Bear you are so full of yourself that I hope you have ten kids.

Answer 6

They dont they just dont know how to deal with it.

Answer 7

Hitting is implied as a force being used to hurt others.  It's a punch in the face, a slap across the face, and pretty much nothing more than maliciousness.  

Spanking is to be done to correct.  I have spanked all of my children at one time or another.  None of them associate spanking with "hitting".  They understand there is a difference.  And yelling?  Please don't try to get away with saying you've never yelled before.  Your views are preposterous.

Answer 8

I yell sometimes but it's out of frustration and my kids know that I never call them names out of anger I do tell them I am so upset and angry because I care about them so much.

Answer 9

do you have kids? if so then you know that when a child reaches up and touches a stove or runs in the street or touches some thing dangerous you can't  talk in a light and breezy tone. you don't have to spank a child every time they do something wrong but you do have to discipline a child when the situation calls for it. if you don't have kids then who are you to judge because you have no idea what it's like.

and yes I spank my daughter but I tell her what she did wrong .

Answer 10

Hitting and spanking are not the same. Hitting is unprovoked and is not discipline, and is bad. Spanking is discipline and can be beneficial when done in the right situation. Spanking is not "bullying".

You have the right to your own opinion, but you have no right to criticize anyone else's (nor do I).

Answer 11

From your letter it is clear that you dont have children of your own. And you most probably is a person of unworkable ideologies.

The reason why children are spanked is because some children understand only that language.

Answer 12

Why do people assume that spanking = out-of-control anger and rage?  Spanking can be a very effective discipline tool, but like all methods of discipline, it may not work for some children.  I have one child that does not respond to spanking well at all, it just makes him angry, so we have found other ways of disciplining him.  He is our oldest, and because of that, we try to abstain from spanking the others as well, but sometimes a spanking is what they need.  I don't think spanking belongs in public--it's humiliating.  You can tell that I am not against spanking, but I do not take it lightly.  I only use it when I really feel it needs to be used.  Even the Bible says that if you spare the rod, you'll spoil the child.  At least I'm not hitting them with a rod.

Children are a lot tougher than you give them credit.  Being spanked as a punishment growing up does not damage them the way that anti-spanking politics makes it seem.  I was spanked.  All of my brothers were spanked.  It was a method my parents used.  They even had a wooden paddle reserved for especially heinous offenses.  I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I was spanked, that's how effective it was for me.  I don't have repressed anger issues, I don't feel that the way to solve problems is through violence or anger, and that is what anti-spanking propaganda will tell you.  

Someone else already said this: spanking does not equal hitting.  Most people view them as two different things.  We hit out of anger and frustration.  Hitting includes slapping, smacking, punching, and usually other parts of the body than the rear end.  Spanking is a swat on the bottom with the hand.  Spanking is a consequence to bad behavior.  

There are definitely other ways to discipline children.  We try to talk to them and calmly address issues as they arise.  If one child hits another or takes a toy (these seem to be the two most common bad behaviors in small children), we make them return the toy and apologize and for hitting they go in time-out.  Sometimes the offenses aren't so cut and dried, though, and you have to be more creative.  When my children drew with crayon all over the walls in the room they were staying in at their grandma's house, I made them scrub the crayon off (yes, my 5-year-old, 3-year-old, and 1-1/2-year-old were all scrubbing crayon off with Mr. Clean Magic Eraser--I didn't help one bit).  I didn't spank them, but they were also banned from using crayons at Grandma's house the next time we visited.

It's not your place to judge how another parent parents their child.  Just because you don't use a certain method doesn't mean your way would be effective with their child.  They know their children.  And even if they are being ineffective themselves, it's still not your place to say they are doing it wrong.  Unless there is real abuse, you need to mind your own business.

Answer 13

If its my kid , i should be the person disciplining them. You worry about your kid and I will worry about mine .

Answer 14

why don't you go with your parenting method and i'll go with mine and don't worry about it. my child is not abused and loves me more than anything. he's not scared of me and rarely ever gets in trouble. you worry about having to bail your teenager out of jail because you never disciplined them to where they learned real consequences in life!

Answer 15

God bless ya! You took the words right out of breath. I have 5 girls, and don't understand why people say that you can't get the child to understand words. In my kids preschool, I am the 'snack mom' once a month. That also means I go in during playtime, lunch, bathroom breaks, and putting them to nap. It's really fun. Sometimes saying something like "Jill, don't pull that." will work. If not you go over, have them look you in the eyes and say "Jill do not pull on that. It might fall and you could get hurt. Do you understand?" 99.9% of the time they will stop. You just need to know what to say and how to say it. Not brain surgery.  

Answer 16

Why do people like you assume that people who spank their children are "bullying" them?  It's called a consequence, just like time out is a consequence, losing a privilege is a consequence, grounding is a consequence and so on.  You do it your way and I'll worry about my children.  For the record, if and when we do give ANY consequence (spanking or otherwise) we make it a point to let our child know it's the bad behavior, not them, that we reject.  We have a teachable moment and we hug and move on.  You can't argue with the results in my own home.  

And as far as yelling goes, you must be a perfect parent if you've never lost your temper and yelled at least once.  As for embarrassment goes, if my child believes they have the right to embarrass me, then I have the right to embarrass them.  Spanking is not the only way a child can be embarrassed.  A time out in public can pretty embarrassing as well.  Respect is a must from child to parent and while parents do need to respect their children, the children need to earn a good amount of respect.  My son has yet to hit someone when doesn't get his way or when he gets angry.  Hitting is done out of anger with the intent to hurt, spanking is done with the intent to correct and is not ever to be done when angry.

-Add-

Let me ask you this:  Say a child pulls on a table cloth and gets a vase cracking him in between the eyes causing a large gash.  Did that make the child violent because he felt pain?  Why let him suffer a worse pain than a firm swat or two on his bottom?  A small amount of minor pain isn't going to make a child violent any more than putting them in time out will make them antisocial.  

The first commandment in the Bible is "Honor thy mother and father that is may go well with you".

Answer 17

Bear,

I agree.  I think it is absolutely possible to effectively discipline a child without humiliating them.  It may take a little more time, effort, and creativity at times, but it is well worth it.

EDIT (To Matt and Jaden):  Again, there are many other forms of discipline that can be used other than hitting your children.  There is no evidence to suggest that spanking is at all effective in the long run.  Quite the contrary, in fact.

You equate "no spanking" with "no discipline," and that is not the case at all.  Perhaps if more parents took the time to try more positive disciplinary methods with their children, they wouldn't reach the point where they felt yelling and hitting were necessary.

Answer 18

im 13 and i agree with matt. if you don't discipline a child in a way they can understand, they won't learn that there is consequences to their actions. now answer this, have you ever, honestly told a five year old not to hit? did it work?

Answer 19

Why do people that have never had a child think they know anything about parenting????