Why do people feel that young mum's can't look after their children or are bad mum's?

Question

I am very curious as to WHY people think that younger women make bad mum's / don't look after their children / don't work / haven't finished high school etc. Please don't respond with 'because it's true' or anything along those lines. I want to know what it is that makes people think this, what have they seen heard or experinced that makes them believe this is true.

Answer 1

I don't think that  all people feel that if your young you will be a bad mom i just think that most older people believe that when you are younger you have not had experiences that may help you in your parenting and i think that in the media they are always showing teen mothers messing up and the fact that they never show the ones that are doing Great and that deff does not help. But i believe that young mothers deserve a chance same as older mothers.

Answer 2

All the girls under 20 I have known usually throw their kid off on ANYONE who will watch them to go out dating, partying etc.Most will shack up (usually teen moms are alone because b/f usually dumps them when he finds out theyare pregnant) they live off the welfare system andmove their shack up stud in until that goes sour then moves on to the next guy and the next.The children eventuaklly become targets of pedophiles the mother has as a b/f.I cannot think of any teen mothers who were good mothers.Most the time they want to go out with their friends all the time and do the things they'd normally be doing if they didn't have the baby to raise.It messes up their lives and the child's life.

Answer 3

I fell pregnant at 16. I was young and stupid but I wouldn't change a thing. although I didn't finish high school I work in a nursing home which is what I have always wanted, I own my own house and I am a great mum. I don't know why people think that way but its not true. There are alot of good and bad parents out there regardless of their age

Answer 4

they are only bad mums if they refuse support services and or family if they need it

Answer 5

because people are ignorant.

Some people think that if they werent ready for a baby in their early 20s (for example) than how on earth can other people be? Its ignorance.

Answer 6

Because generally teenage girls are not ready financially, emotionally or maturity wise (they of course usually feel otherwise). Many aren't in long term relationships (or are in bad relationships) and are unable to provide stability for their children. Most of my family had children young, and while I'd only consider a couple to be bad mothers (most are very good mothers), I don't really feel that ANY of them were ready, my own mother included. Young girls are likely to think that money doesn't matter and everything will just work out and be perfect. By the time reality comes crashing down, they're left struggling and confused, and due to being mothers, they're also in a position where they have to suck it up and grow up very quickly. I find girls who purposely get pregnant when they know that they're too young and can't afford it irresponsible and selfish, children deserve better then this, they aren't toys for your amusement and happiness. Do you think I was consoled by the fact that my mother loved me when my shoes were 2 sizes too small and my classmates made fun of my clothes, house, parent's car ect.? Children just don't think that way. As for the girls who attempt to avoid pregnancy and simply have birth control fail them, it's a tragedy, plain and simply. My heart goes out to young mothers and their children, I know the struggle first hand (as a child) and it's not a fun one. I wish young mothers the best, but I also hope that someday we can find a way to end teen pregnancy.

Answer 7

Onlyme - sounds like you had a better 21st than I did - and didn't have any kids then!

I can see why people think younger women make bad Mums. I can also see why employers don't want to employ younger people. I'm 23 and still get a little discriminated against until they get to know me. I think that if you've had life experience then you're able to be a good parent. Let's face it, if you've fallen pregnant young, there's a good chance that you've "been there, done that" with a whole bunch of situations and therefore are able to be a good teacher when it comes to making life choices.

Mum had me when she was 17 and although she never really matured and can still be a bit 'teen selfish', she somehow kept me on the straight and narrow and I was able to learn a LOT. (eg - don't fall pregnant when you're broke!)

Now I'm 23, haven't finished uni yet, but will do - we're pretty broke most of the time (oops), and we're expecting in November. We've got a whole list of what not to do from both my young mum and my partner's old parents.

Bottom line - it's all down to life experience - the people who complain are just cranky old b******s.

Answer 8

Its the bullshit statistics c**p that is being shoved down older people's throats. To tell you the thruth I think an older parent can be just as horrible as a young parent can be. I don't think there is an age limit on stupidity in parenting. In fact I know there are TONS of great mothers out there that had their children at young ages. And there are tons of horrible mothers out there that had their children late in life. Personally I am tired of the BS comments and looks I get when I go shopping while being 7 months pregnant with my 4 yr old daughter and my 1 yr old daughter and I'm only 21. I think it is WRONG for people to judge just by pure stereotyping!  My daughters have never went without something they needed. They are ALWAYS put before me and my own needs...that is why they always get clothes when they need it and stuff like that and I still have most of the same clothes I had since before I got pregnant with my first daughter. I think its just wrong that people can pass judgement on someone they have NEVER met in their entire life and just by looking at them and seeing they are young with children that they are horrible parents!

In my opinion I see it like this...for those older parents and people who judge young mothers...At least in 10 yrs I will still be able to run around and play with my kids as opposed to older parents who will not be able to in fear of breaking a hip or something!Every parent should be judged if it must be done...not just young mothers!

Shame on people who do that!

Edit:I also wanted to add that I,myself,have NEVER thrown my kids off on anybody I could find so I coudl go out. I had my first daughter at 17 and my second daughter at 20 and was not pregnant on my 21st Bday...what did I do,you ask?? I stayed at home and celebrated my Bday with my daughters...and ate the "yummy" cake my 4 yr old helped daddy make! I was never one for partying and still am not and the only time I had someone watch my girls was when I absolutely could not take them and my MOM and DAD watched them for me...and that was like a the Dentist or the Doctor for an internal exam where I could not keep a good eye on them or hold them and my hubby was at work. SO that little fact that everyone keeps talkin about is thrown right out the window because I am proof that that is not always the case!

Answer 9

wow...joe_flee.....u are a horrible person who has no idea what ur talking about. I had my child at 19 preganat at 18. I am still with the father of our son.....i am 22 now... i am a GREAT mother.....the father is 28 years old. we are financially stable and i NEVER dump my child to ANYONE. just recently both grandmother aggred dto take their grandson every other saturday for us. The funny thing is we rarley even go out we just hang out around the house and relax. so get ur facts straight before u open ur mouth.....

And to ur question people are just jealous and selfish.. people like joe_flee who just assume things and have no idea whats going on in the mothers life. Im not saying all young mothers do the right thing but there are a lot out there who do. My son was also planned so no accident there. I graduated high school 1 year early with an advaned regents diploma (had the credits) I dont care what anybody thinks about me....u wanna hate on me go ahead....

Answer 10

I think they have the belief of:

If you're irresponsible enought to get pregnant too early you're too irresponsible to have a baby and take care of it

Not saying it's all true as I was a young mum but I find that's the outlook.

Basically if you can't take care of yourself, can you really take care of someone else

Answer 11

Sadly, people are judged for many different reasons, the way we look, the choices we make, our lifestyles etc...

I was a teen mum and a young mum! (I still like to think Im a young mum!)..

Why these people feel the need to judge could be many reasons. Sometimes the environment we are brought up in is a huge factor. For example, if a guy is wearing a pink shirt he must be g*y! If someone dresses a certain way well then they must be feral/s****./hippy/tart etc...

I have alot of tattoo's and piercings, people always assume that I must be some kind of druggy or some kind of thug, its not till they get to know me they are like WOW, your not like i thought...

I wrote an article to a local newspaper many years ago on this very topic. My main objective was to point out that there are just as many older mothers that arent capable of looking after there children and that many young mums are more then capable!

Sadly, people are always going to be judgemental. As young mums (or any parent for that matter) I think the best thing we can do is teach our children not to grow up with that same attitude but to take everyone as they come, the old, dont judge a book by its cover!

Answer 12

Because the majority of them have no savings and have to rely on welfare.

Answer 13

Its not so much the age, but money.

Answer 14

Not ALL people feel that way about ALL young teenage mothers.  However, statistics show that teenage mothers often drop out of high school, don't finish college, have difficulty sustaining jobs, are on state assistance and other things like that.  I know several women (10+) who got pregnant as teens.  Only 2 of them really went on to do great things.  It doesn't mean any of them are "bad mothers".  It just means they didn't get to do all the things they had the potential to do because of one night of not wearing a condom.

*Oh.  You mentioned high school, so I immediately assumed you meant teenagers accidently getting pregnant.  Sorry.  As for young women in general, I don't think many people think that way at all.  I was 21 when I had my first child.  Had been married for over 2 years.  It was perfect timing for us.  I never once got negative comments of any sort.  I had already finished college and had been working in my career for over a year before becoming pregnant.  People who actually know these young mothers rarely have anything bad to say.  Its just a personal choice to when they start their family.  Perhaps in a public forum (like this one) where no one knows any of the details people have the tendency to jump to conclusions (as I did about your question), but I've never let a bunch of anonymous people get a rise out of me.  Its interesting to see how incredibly opinionated people can be when they hide behind a computer.  They'd never actually think or say some of the things they say on here in "real life".  But if they do.... then they are jerks.  The world is full of them.  It doesn't bother me anymore.

Answer 15

Its probably a view that these young moms lack maturity and life experience. Its sad that others feel the need to pass on judgement like this.

Answer 16

I am an older mom (born when I was 26) recently diagnosed with Hashimoto's (an autoimmune disorder) It is very hard being a single mom to my almost 4 year old daughter and holding down a job.My sister who had her son at twenty has way more energy then I do.