Why do people feel the need..?

Question

to answer questions regarding daycare/child care with answers like this...

"No I dont work, i stay at home minding the children while my husband goes out to work, i didn't have them for someone else to bring them up for me."

I didn't have my son for someone else to raise either. He goes to daycare because I have to work. Just because a husband makes enough money for his wife to stay at home shouldn't give his wife authority to talk down towards people who can't afford to have a parent stay at home with their child.

So, if you have ever answered a question like this or if you agree to this answer, please let me know why you feel the need to put working parents down like that? I'm just curious. And if you are a working parent, how does that answer make YOU feel as a parent? I tend to ignore answers like this, but come on, some people are out here busting their butts to make an income so their families can live/eat!

Answer 1

I am a SAHM and my husband works.  I don't think that a working Mom gives their kids away to be cared for by someone else.  There are always reasons that not all of us know, so how can I or anyone else judge?  The Mom may be a single Mom, the supporter of the family while Dad stays home, Mom likes her job too much to quit it or maybe they need two incomes for their finances.  

I tried to go back to work myself and I found it really difficult to stay away from her, so I quit and stayed home, but I have a great husband who also liked the idea.  It was a choice we made together.  Our finances suck out the wazoo, but we're happy in our choice.  As long as the Moms that are working or staying at home either are happy with the choice or depend on the choice then that's what works for them.  No one can judge one another.  I, myself, would find it more difficult to work out of the home and have my children being watched by another and having to keep house on top of that.  I don't think my job is any harder than a working Mom.  In fact, I think that the working Mom does have it harder and has to be a lot more stronger than I could ever be.  I really needed my job.  I worked in a factory for 5 years and gave up really good benefits and a great job that I could likely have had for another 5 years atleast and that was a job that I never really liked!  I couldn't imagine if it was a job that I liked so much and really enjoyed.  

I think that people have to do what they need to do to get where they need to go and that other people looking in the window of their lives should go in for a visit and see the whole picture!

EDIT:  I actually respect and admire Moms that work!!!  They do something that I would find VERY difficult.  I also know that if my husband passed away or we separated and divorced, I wouldn't be able to be a SAHM anymore.  I'd have to work too.

Answer 2

People are just too ignorant to stop for a moment and put themselves in the other person's shoes. Many women who have been fortunate enough to stay home with their children like to assume that everybody has that option and are just choosing not to use it when the reality of it is that's not true at all.

There are plenty of working moms out there who would give anything to be able to stay home with their children.

As far as the comment on letting somebody else raise your kids, that's ridiculous. Your son knows who momma is and he loves you to pieces. I'm sure that even though he has fun at daycare, the highliight of his day is seeing you come to pick him up. Does a daycare provider contribute to the upbringing? Yes. But are they raising your child? Absolutely not. There's an old saying that it takes a community of people to raise a child right. And this falls into those same lines. Every person in your child's life has something unique to teach them. Something they haven't even learned from you. Having those interactions are beneficial to children. I'm not saying that people should send their children to daycare if they don't have to, I'm just saying that daycare is not all bad and that people shouldn't stand inside of glass houses and throw stones. Nobody knows what tomorrow could bring them and anybody who has stayed home previously could quite easily find themselves in a position where they must go back to work.

You ARE making the best decision for your son and the mothers who look down on other mothers are doing nothing but setting a poor example for their children.

Answer 3

As a home daycare provider and a SAHM, I see both worlds up close.  I also see that having kids in my home for 10 hours a day IS tantamount to helping 'raise' them.  If a child spends more waking hours with his child care provider than he does with his parents, isn't it mathematically correct to say that the child care provider is participating in raising the child?

Now having made that point, I will say that I do not have negative feeling or opinions about working moms who are selfless and desire the best for their children.  I respect any mom who puts her child before herself and is doing what she thinks is best to raise happy, well adjusted children.  

I know from your other answers that you are a single mom.  You and other's like you , especially deserve respect because you are doing the right thing.  You are working and taking care of a baby that you could have chosen to abort or even just neglect. I have complete respect fort hat.  I admire the strength of such women...I was raised by one.

  I have always been a SAHM and I do think it is best for children.  I won't deny that I think staying home with our kids is the best thing for them.  But I do know that other people have different opinions, and I do know that it doesn't take a SAHM to be a GOOD mom.   Some SAHM's are terrible and some working mom are terrible.  What matters is if the mom in question is trying to do what she believes to be the best thing for her child.

*ADDED********

Johnny's mommy:  Try to remember there are immature, insecure people everywhere who will always try to make you feel like a lesser person/mom/woman than them simply because they find their own "strength" in seeing other's as failures.  Do not take to heart what every other person says bad about you.  Find the confidence in yourself to know that you are doing what is best for Johnny and that he could have NO better mama than the one he has. :-)

Remember ,too that sometimes people may not mean any harm, but just might not realize how their words sound to someone else.

Answer 4

you are right! i am a stay home mom and i do respect working moms, specially because i can understand how pain full it must be to leave your baby and miss so many things...

Answer 5

I am still on maternity leave (I live in Canada and we have 50 wks of maternity/parental leave), but I will be a working mom.  What really bothers me about these answers is not only the fact that not everybody can afford staying at home, but some women do actually WANT to work.  Personnally, I would have the best of both worlds, work part-time and stay at home part-time, but that isn't possible so I will work.  I'm actually happy about going back to work.  It bothers me that people think I should feel guilty about not staying at home, but, I don't really.  My son is content at daycare, he has friends to play with and they go on all sorts of outings.

Answer 6

Just ignore it. Just cause we have to work doesn't mean we love our children any less. it just means when we are at home with our kids it makes our time that much more special. I would have loved to stay home and take care of my children but that wasn't an option for me. Well i could have, but my husband was working two job and our family was suffering for it. My kids missed their father and so did I. So he quit one job and i got a job to help. I found a wonderful lady to watch the kids while we worked. It was all worth it when we got off work and my husband and I could both take the kids to the park and we could sit at the table and share a meal like a family. So do what work for your family and forget about what other people say. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 7

Wow, people really do this? Judge single, working mothers? Sick.

I feel blessed to be able to be a SAHM and am eternally grateful for the hard work that my husband does week after week so that I can continue to be a SAHM. Obviously, though, if I HAD to work, I would. I mean, really - What would the other option be - Have your children starve? Live on the streets? People need to be realistic.

I do, however, find myself getting annoyed with moms who express how "unfulfilled" they are staying home with their children and end up working more as a "hobby", while their children are in day care without mom or dad - Or moms who hire help so they can get some "much needed alone time". I find that offensive to mothers who CAN'T be home with their kids because they HAVE to work.

Answer 8

I feel very blessed that I am able to stay home with my kids, but I certainly do not judge those mums who have to work. I commend you actually. You need a huge pat on the back, I honestly don't know how you do it!

Some people have "perfect mum" syndrome, I'm afraid. Don't let them get to you.

Answer 9

I am a working parent and I do not feel that I am any better of a person than any other parent out there. Whether you work or stay at home isn’t my business. I think that for a person to judge me and what we do in our household is just flat out rude since nobody knows how much money we make, nobody knows my finances, and nobody knows our situation. Just like I don’t know anything about anyone else on Yahoo and I won’t be judging anyone simply because of it.

I work 40+ hours a week and I’m even contemplating getting a second job. Do I want to? What the h**l do you think?  As a mother, we all feel the same way about our kids. We will bust our butts to make sure those kids are taken care of! So since that’s the case, why does it appear to be a competition??

I don’t enjoy working or being away from my son. But I don’t have any other choice. I have to work to keep a roof over our head. My husband contributes, but I don’t ever want to solely rely on any person to completely financially care for my family and myself. In the event that something goes wrong and my husband and I ever split, how would I take care of myself and my son?

I pay $165 a week in daycare for my 20 month old. Some people tell me I’m working to pay daycare. Well that’s incorrect and I’ll tell you why. I bring home more than $165 a week. I also have health insurance from my job that’s paid for in full. I also have a 401k where they match up to 3%. I’m 25 yrs old and I’d be stupid to walk away from this because my future, my son’s future, may very well rely on that.

I don’t judge people if they are a SAHM or if they are working parents. But I do take offense when people tell me I’m doing wrong by my child. When I hear from people that “I’m missing out on the best times and my child needs me”.  Quite honestly, I just sit here and shake my head. I want to look at each and every person and say “do you want to pay my mortgage? My car payment? My son’s health insurance? Groceries? Water bill? Electric bill?.....didn’t think so!”

My son is my WORLD. I never realized how much you could love a little person until I had a little person of my own. And I won’t let anyone tell me I’m a bad parent because I work to keep a roof over his head, food in his mouth, clothes on his back. Because last I checked, that’s my job as a parent to take care of him and be there for him. And so far, I’ve done a d**n good job at all of the above.

So once again, is this competition over with SAHM’s and working mothers? Because I know SAHM’s are sick of explaining, working mom’s are sick of explaining….and it’s just getting way too old. Maybe someday we can all grow up and just accept that we’re all MOTHER’S no matter how you spin it, and we should all be on the same page.

Answer 10

I agree with you I ignore them. I was a working parent for all my life and I also went to school for four years after my son was born. I don't really care what people think or thought. Your absolutely right not everyone can afford to stay at home and I was one of those parents.

My son is a very healthy grown young man in the service getting ready to leave for his second term in Iraq and is getting ready to re-enlist for his next 4 years. After he returns and completes his time he is going to be headed to college. I'm very proud of him and I wouldn't change a thing. He isn't spoiled or selfish either like I see from lots of kids who have parents who hand them everything.  If I could I would do it all again and the same if I had choose to have more children. But as a responsible person I stopped at one because I didn't bring in a lot of money at the time. Some people have nothing better to do then put other people down and complain. If your happy with your situation and your child has food on the table and a roof over their heads then that is all they need. Going to day care or a baby sitter won't kill them, as long as you pick careful and look into history.

Answer 11

Working mom here but of course I would love to be a sahm.

To me the answers don't bother me because I tend to feel that I should be a sahm and all of the reasons are valid in my opinion.  Of course a little sugar coating would go a long way with some of the answers.

Answer 12

I stay at home but it's not because I have that mentality. I'm able to and I appreciate the fact my husband makes enough for me to do so. In today's society it almost always takes BOTH parents working to make ends meet. Just because you put your son in a daycare doesn't mean you love him any less than I love my son. We are just in different situations.

It's wonderful that they can stay home with their children. But I bet if something happened to where they HAD to go to work their opinions of day care would change in a second. You know you're doing the best for your son and really, that's all that matters.

Answer 13

i wouldnt worry too much about it, no one  on here knows your living arrangement or circumstances, im a stay at home  mom, but also intelligent enough to know that  its not always possible. There is a difference  in having someone else raise your kids (i saw  one lady on here talking about having a nanny while she at home sleeping for instance) and having to work to keep food in their bellies and clothes on their backs....all that holier then thou c**p gets old, and most of them only do it because they have the need to feel "better" then somebody. no one way is the correct way to raise a child, you ust have to go with what is the right way for you, its more important that  a baby have food and other necessities, then for you to be with them 24/7 as long as they get enough time with you when you are off work. :0)

Answer 14

I agree..I was lucky enough to stay home with mine, but so many HAVE to work...and like my daughter, she has to work, but is also a better parent by doing so...she doesn't have the make-up of a stay at home mom...a lot of people don't.

Answer 15

when I first moved out on my own I had 2 boys. I worked 2 jobs busting my butt for my kids. I had to pay my bills so that we would have a place to sleep at nights and food to feed them. During the day they went to daycare and I worked evenings at walmart until late at night and their daddy's mom would keep them then. Now I still work of course but, I only work one job barely making ends meet. But I do it because I now have 3 kids and if I could afford to get someone to watch them at nights again I would and take on another job again. Some people aren't lucky enough to have a husband that can make enough money so that the mother can sit home with their kids. I didn't my husband and I both worked and now it's just me. I think people who look down on people because they have to work instead of staying home with their kids are just rude. It isn't right to look down on someone just because they have to work. I have to work everyday and my only day off is on Sundays. Every now and then I get a Saturday off but not that often. I see my kids when I get off work at 5:30 and then all I get to do is go home feed them bathe them and put them to bed. I don't get to spend as much time as I would like with them but if I didn't work we would be on the streets, no food no clothes or anything. I would love to sit home with my kids and raise them my self but I can't and just because they go to daycare doesn't mean anything. They don't call the people up there mom or dad or anything like that they know I'm their mommy and they don't act up either they are good kids.