Why do people feel the need to cheat on their significant others?

Question

I just want to know why people cheat? If you do not want to be with the person, then break up or divorce, do not cheat, it is so wrong.

I just want to know what makes people want to cheat? If you are so unhappy with who you are with, then why are you with them?

Please indulge me a little here and just let me know have you cheated, and why did you cheat, and how did it make you feel afterward? I love my bf and would not ever do this to him and he would not do this to me, ever. Why do you cheat? Do people not have morals or do they just find it too hard to be faithful even when they say they love someone? How can you look them in the eye and say I love you after you cheated on them?

Answer 1

Despite our intelligence, we often use it to rationalize basic impulses.  Cheating is so common that we really need to start by considering whether it serves an evolutionary imperative.  Is a man's genetic contribution to the next generation better guaranteed by monogamy or promiscuity?  The behaviour we see is probably the answer: a combination is best.

One can look at infidelity as essentially a hedging of the person's bets.  For a man, on the one hand he has a primary mate with a low birth rate.  On the other hand, he can create offspring with secondary mates discreetly.  If his offspring with his primary mate are unsuccessful, he has backups.  For the woman, having one or more "illegitmate" offspring gives her a better opportunity of having successful offspring by not limiting herself to one mate's possibly inferior genetic contribution.  It seems like a beneficial reproductive strategy when viewed this way.

It's a simplification to discuss this only in terms of reproductive need.  We are gifted with the intelligence to override our impulses, but few of us do.  Cheating is everywhere because we more interested in using our intelligence to develop complex rationalizations supporting our impulses.  We devise mental flowcharts that reverse the onus for infidelity onto our mates and prepare our defence if we get caught.

What of those of us who haven't cheated and perhaps show a lower inclination to do so?  Most of us are simply cheaters who have not yet cheated.  Others, such as myself, are likely the product of abusive or at least dysfunctional upbringings who have emotional needs or processes that strongly override basic evolutionary imperatives.

Answer 2

We are animals bound by the laws of nature

Answer 3

They want to have it all. It isn't necessarily that they want rid of the person they're with. There may be many advantages to maintaining this relationship. They may truly love the person. But they want that rush they get from a new relationship also. Which is something the current partner can't give them, even with role playing and such. How can they look their partner in the eyes after doing such a thing? By telling themselves that it has nothing to do with them, that it's just something they needed to do for themselves, lol. Selfishness, ain't it grand? These people would be devasted if their partners cheated on them, though. That's different! Especially if their partner doesn't know about their indiscretions.

Answer 4

Some people cheat because they were cheated on and they want to get even so the other person will hurt as much as they are hurting.

Answer 5

I understand the whole biology driven concept as another pointed out.  But I have similar feelings about this as you, it's just deceitful and dishonest and unnecessary.  In the case of a man, if he wanted to "spread his seed" as much as possible, then he has no business settling down in the first place.  Be upfront with your casual nature rather that lie to someone about your real intentions/needs.  This goes for women too.  But I think its dishonesty and selfishness.  And if you really loved that person, whether or not you want s*x with another, but you wouldn't want to lie to those you love and cause them pain.  So people who do don't really love the person they're cheating on and they're just being selfish.

Answer 6

Some people cheat because they are looking for something fresh and different or to experience something that they don't normally get.  It doesn't necessarily mean that they don't love their significant over.