Why do people hate teenage moms?

Question

ok so to clear it up before you start biting my head off, I'm 17 and have NEVER had a baby. K?

BUT my best friend is 20 with a 1 year old boy. He calls me auntie jessie and we have a great relationship. His father (or rather sperm donor as we like to call him) has been out of the picture since the day he was born so its just me, her, and her sister mel. Me and Mel take care of him a lot, sometimes more than his own mother and whenever we take him places people always give us the worst looks. It's so annoying being criticized all the time!! what's the big deal? I get that people assume one of us is his mother but do they have to gawk at us like some freak show!!

By the way if you do that to teenage moms...stop!! Its rude, its annoying, and you don't even know the full story, so don't criticize or make rude comments! K thanks

Answer 1

You state that people are giving you 'the worst looks' and gawking at you like a freak show.

Why would they do that?

Are you and Mel or the child dressed or acting oddly or visiting places one shouldn't take a child? Are you out at times when most people you age would be somewhere else? Is there a mixed race element that some neanderthals have problems with?

I can't imagine why two young women simply in the company of a one year old would be looked at critically unless there was some reason for it. Unless your appearance or behavior did something to grab my attention, if I noticed you at all I would probably assume the child was a younger sibling in your care.

I was a teenage mom, and nothing like this ever happened to me.

Take care.

Answer 2

I feel so touched by ur plight .pls stay strong ur babies need u :)

Answer 3

because people dont think they are old enough to care of children and most of the time teeen fathers are no there for the children.

other people think that peolpe have to be married and be done with school.

Answer 4

I'm a teenage mother and I use to get those looks sometimes still do. Someone asked me one time why I had a baby so young, I told them it's not like I planned it but my daughter is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and the fact that i am a teenage mother only makes it better because i'm young and I can also learn and grow with my daughter.

Answer 5

The sad thing about the world is we are so selfish and judgemental.  We will judge others but get hurt or upset when someone does it to use.

I wish I could shout where everyone could hear that God wants us to just love everyone and let Him do the judging.

Someone once said she wishes we could all wear a sign that says be nice to me, I had a bad day.

Wouldn't that be great if we could.

Take this opportunity to learn from what has happened and do just like you are and share it.

Most people who do the gawking would be ashamed if it were brought to their attention the whole story but we really aren't interested in that.  We act first...care later.

Yeah for you for being such a great friend and remember these feelings so that you won't do this to others.

Answer 6

You know what...get a tee shirt that says ....bite me....ok, so I'm being ridiculous. Yes, young people do get the look, but who cares. This child while in your care is your responsibility and that is all you care about. So what you get the stare. So what people don't have manners. People should be proud of the fact that young people can be trusted enough for the life of this child to be entrusted in your care...OR get a tee shirt that says ....I'm a good mom...

Answer 7

What's the big deal? That's the big deal. Nothing is a big deal anymore. Having a baby out of wedlock isn't a big deal. Having a baby with a "sperm donor" isn't a big deal. Living together isn't a big deal. Hooking up with a different person every night isn't a big deal. Having friends take care of the child more than the mom or dad does isn't a big deal.

Many people perceive teen moms as directionless, unmotivated, unprincipled people with bad judgment making poor choices who don't think anything is a big deal so they end up mortgaging their future for a hook up. I'm not saying it is right or true, even fair, however that's the perception. These folks believe that some things in life that are a big deal. Children having children is one of them.

And sometimes those people are inconsiderate morons who project their values onto the teen and wonder how much of their tax money is going into her pockets after she threw her life away.

And sometimes people read more into a look than necessary.

Answer 8

i was a teen mom and the thing i hated most was hearing older women say "well everybody makes mistakes". WTF my daughter wasnt a mistake. I got odd looks too but i can say i took excellent care of her and her dad was never in the picture either. some people are just ignorant and dont stop to think that at least the girl didnt choose to abort or give the child away to strangers. Keep being supportive of your friend and ignore the idiots on the street.  

Answer 9

people like to criticize others...because it's easier that way and not to look at themselves...they feel good imagining that others have done bigger mistakes then them...but most of the time those who criticize others it's because they've done something wrong and they feel better thinking that someone has done something worse..and often that it's not true...that's way....anyway i agree with u...beside that those teenage girls who choose to keep their child MUST be considered as supermoms...those who have to be criticize are those who give away their babies and don't pay the consequences of their mistakes!!!and remember:EVERYONE CAN MAKE A MISTAKE!!THE THING THAT MAKES U BETTER OR NOT IT'S HOW U ASSUME UR RESPONSIBILITY AFTER THE MISTAKE!!!

Answer 10

I got the same stares my last three years of high school. It was my baby sister though. I would get comments, like 'oh, how cute, whats her name?' You know, as they look down their nose at you. I would just laugh and say, yeah I thinking of having another one soon. People often have to stare at what they don't understand. Unfortunately, its the older generations who don't want the education system to fully educate people on what happens when you have s*x, and they don't want to say anything either. s*x education in most schools is, don't have s*x, and they talk to girls briefly on their period. Sorry to say, people don't wait till they are legal to drink or smoke, they aren't going to be mature enough to have s*x either. I say educate kids on how to prevent pregnancy and STDs. In a perfect world, they would understand the importance of not doing it till fully ready. Unfortunately, teen mothers get a bad rap because, well I am paying for that child, along with all the other tax payers, and we weren't asked if we wanted another child, teen mothers are also the ones on welfare the longest, because with them its just a cycle, lack of education when they got pregnant, and no time to get it afterward.

Answer 11

You're right, no one should be disrespectful toward teenage moms.

The reason people do it though, is because they are dissappointed to see that the mother made that decision to have s*x, and as a result, have a baby pretty young in life. I guess people think this: "Oh, look at her.. she threw her future away, she could have aborted the baby or put it up for adoption!" People make judgments so easily, and that's part of the staring thing.

I'm glad she didn't abort the baby. Abortion is not an option in my book... and it wasn't an option 30+ years ago.

Also people don't think about why the mother made the decision she made. Who know's, maybe she wanted a baby.

Also, older people, and people of all ages are discriminatory towards teen mothers, because they think that all they are going to do is collect a welfare check every month.. which is sometimes true depending on your situation.

I hope I helped!

Answer 12

It's not hate. You can't hate someone you don't know...but teenagers aren't prepared financially, emotionally, or physically to be parents and it p*sses a lot of people off.

Many resent their tax dollars being spent for teen mothers to have babies they can't afford...and to help financially support those babies after birth. If you want a kid, fine. You pay for it...otherwise, don't have it.

Many know the teen body isn't done growing and a girl going through a pregnancy before she's completely done with puberty isn't healthy. That's not the kind of stress that's wise to put on a body still growing and changing.

Many know that emotionally child bearing and raising is a huge ordeal, and something else teens aren't typcially prepared for. It's not easy to be a good mother to a kid, when you're still a kid yourself.

The "full story" rarely matters unless the girl was taken sexually by force and not allowed to abort. Otherwise, if she's not completely ready to raise a child and can afford it financially, physically, and emotionally then she's got no business spreading her legs...and others are perfectly within their rights to find the situation a less-than-positive one.

Answer 13

it does make sense tht people do tht i mean it is very rude!

but i mean people think of them as bad influences and dont want anything 2 do with them soo it makes sense.

Answer 14

I had something quite similar happen to me when I was babysitting as a teenager, what was funny is that for me to have been the mother I would have had to be 12 when I had the first kid.  Anyway, it is very hard for some people to accept teen mothers, right or wrong many people view it looking down their nose.  As for me, i understand because I was once a teen and was sexually active I just didn't get caught...meaning I was lucky enough not to get pregnant.  But, now as an adult/parent and have a family member who is 14 and pregnant I feel VERY sadly because I know the rough road she has ahead of her, because as an adult I know how hard it is to take care of children and figure out what bills I can pay what I can't, and all the stresses of a child, I couldn't imagine it as a teenager, plus everyone should be entitled to be a kid as long as possible, you have the rest of your life to be a grown up with grown up responsibilities, and it isn't always fun.  So maybe it isn't that they are upset, it is more about pitty.

Just my thoughts, so since you aren't actual a mom...my advice:  don't hurry up to grow up.  

Answer 15

Some people are inconsiderate and morons. Others think your a h**e since your so young caring for a child.  And others just don't like it that someone that young has to have so much responsibility.

It is looked down upon because its a statement of rather poor choices, and would likely discriminate because they doubt that the girl would have enough responsibility and maturity to take care of a child.

Its almost disgusting to think girls so young are having babies, and more then likely not go to college or meet the expectations that they were so qualified for before have kids.

Advice for you, just stick your head up and walk past these types of people.  Nothing should stop you from taking care of your little nephew, and continue to love him.  Although your life expectatitions (or his mother's) may be harmed, that shouldn't stop him from being all he can be.  lol. Hope this helped. :)

Answer 16

I worry about teenage moms, but only because it's so tough to have a kid when you are one. It's always tough to have a kid, no matter how old you are.

I don't give them dirty looks, ever. I like to smile at little kids, especially when they look at me. I make silly faces and stuff, which of course can come off as a creepy. :) But I try to be friendly with parents and kids, unless their kids are being unruly.

Answer 17

How would the strangers in public even know that is your child?  I would never assume that, you could be the child's sister or aunt.  Maybe it's a loud child, that would be the only reason I would look.  I don't hate teen moms, I know life happens.  I just hate the fact they threw their life away.

Answer 18

aw he sounds adorable, people look down on teenage moms because they think that they should have made better choices, they think of teenage moms who are loose/fast girls that have s*x with any guys who asks, they think look there goes another teen mom, such a shame. People dont realize that these women are just like other moms, only younger, they dont realize that a teenage mom can be an excellent mom. In fact they automatically think poor kid. with an irreponsible mother. or they think aww poor girl she has ruined her life. But personally i think Children are the joy of life, it is sad when mom's are young like teenagers because they miss out on there lives but they are mom's now so a new life has begun or at least that is how i think. :) so if people are gawking at you then suck it up lol people are not very kind, and they are very quick to judge others, its like ooooooooo look at that teenage mother scandlous, and they are actually out to eat with the man they are cheating on there husbands with. you know that song by outcast? I KNOW YOU LIKE TO THINK YOU ______ DONT STINK BUT LEAN A LITTLE BIT CLOSER AND THOSE ROSES REAL SMELL LIKE POOO OO OO lol know that when people stare at u and yo friend they are have there one situation and it is probably bad and not a blessing. Children are a blessing and anyone who has one has been blessed, new life is something to celebrate, so always remember that she has been blessed with new life and the people who stare at you dont have new life but they do have new drama lol

Miracles and blessings Nicci :)

Answer 19

I didn't think anyone really cared about teen moms. I never look. I love kids...the most I would do is smile at you and the child and say how cute he is. That is me though. I don't judge other people at all. I guess there are some people out there that are dumb like that. Well, I think if they have a problem with it then they can shove it. You do your job and just remember this the baby needs you. Those others can go fly a kite...those gawkers.

Answer 20

If it is older adults, you have to realize that they were brought up in a society that looked at unwed mothers and young teenage girls as if it were a sin. That sort of behavior was not common place. Just because society has changed does not mean that their point of view has changed. My suggestion is to hold your head high and be proud that you are taking the incentive to do the best you can with a small but impressionable young child.

Answer 21

Well, different groups of people have differing perspectives concerning situations like that. For instance, young people might see a teenage mother as a w***e (she slept around and became pregnant) or irresponsible (she got pregnant at such a young age). Older people might see her as "everything that is wrong with kids, these days" (you know how old folks can be). Adults might just scoff at her and think, "I'm so glad I didn't s***w up my life like that chick. Ha, sucks to be her!")

All of those are very judgmental views. Unfortunately society these days is very unforgiving. Personally, s*x and babies were just not an option for me as a teen. In fact, I think it's pretty moronic (don't forget, I am entitled to my own opinion just like you). Kids have their entire lives to get into that stuff. Why are they in such a hurry to grow up?

Answer 22

I honestly don't hate teenage moms, I feel bad for them. Today's society is all about having s*x and then having a kid at the age of sixteen. Many people look down at that and see the mother as a "hooker." Sometimes this is not the case but you know how people are these days. They just see the baby and assume you went along with having s*x. My friend who is fifteen has the most beautiful baby boy and I think she's a great mom. Would they rather make the young girls get abortions? I don't know how they could live with kill their own child.

Answer 23

i am a 17 year old mom (a very good 1 too)..  and people do it just because they are ignorant at least we are taking the responsibility and taking care of our child instead of getting an abortion...so if u havent been in this situation then you shouldnt talk, dont pay any attention to those kind of people

Answer 24

hi, well mostly i think is because people get the impression that a teenage mother is a baby having a baby. People think that with a baby being brought to the world by a minor who still hasn't had her life planned out can be awful for the infant. The thought of teenage moms also makes other people conclude that they were very careless and immaturely having s*x which is not the case in all problems. The best thing i suggest  you do is ignore all the people that stereotyped and do your thing.

take care:]

Answer 25

I know exactly what you're talking about. I took my little cousin to the mall with my Aunt [his grandmother] and you wouldn't believe how many people stared ME down and asked ME if I was the mother. Or they automatically assumed I was and just kept talking. People are judgmental, they don't hate you, they just think you're.....trampy in a way for having a baby so young, when it's not even yours. I try really hard to ignore it because people don't know what the heck they're talking about when they don't have all the facts straight.