Why do people insist?

Question

On adopting from different countries? why not adopt from your own country?

I herd a girl on the bus just the other day saying "i would love to adopt a black baby, I just think they are much cuter"

I dont think that is right and I dont think that people should get to choose which country a child is adopted from! Its insane.

I am not racist so please dont assume i am, I just dont understand why.

Answer 1

I disagree that it's because people don't want to be close to the birth mother!

I think it's a wonderful thing to adopt a child weather he/she is from your home country or not...why would you even knock that? Are you out there adopting up all the babies in the US?

It's a selfless thing to adopt and it comes with a lot of risks so I say if you adopt a child from Africa or Kansas you are equally amazing!

Answer 2

Its very hard to adopt from the US than it is in other countries, that's why.  My sister always wanted to adopt a Chinese or Korean baby (never did thought).

Answer 3

Well  i live in ireland and people have to adopt from abroad they dont have much choice. There are a few hundred applications a year but only on average 50 children up for adoption. If you dont adopt from abroad you proabably cant adopt at all. Its similar in america. About 30 years ago roughly 20% of babies born to single women where put up for adoption now its more like 2%. There just arent enough babies for people wanting to adopt.

Answer 4

I don't think it's a race thing, I think you have an opinion about adoption based on your experiences - I can respect that.

I don't feel the need to defend my decision to adopt from another country, it was the right decision for me.   I can honestly say, I didn't decide to adopt from China because "They have cute babies" it was about children who need homes.  Plain and simple.

I did plenty of research on the type of adoptions, and the agencies.  Hubby and I interviewed several agencies based on several criteria including ethical concerns we had.

I'm not sure why you don't think we should get to choose which country a child is adopted from -- would love to know more of your thoughts on this (no sarcasm intended).

ETA:  Adopting from China had nothing to do with avoiding first families or insecurities.  As the daughter of an adoptee I see first hand the importance of first families.

Answer 5

For the child's sake, people SHOULD consider very carefully the race and ethnicity of the child they will parent.  To ignore this issue would be a risk to the child!

And it is anyone's right to think that a "black baby is cuter", or parenting an older child is "more rewarding", or that a baby girl is their "dream baby".  Parents have all kinds of preconceived ideas.

Answer 6

Maybe the girl was talking about adopting a black child from the country she lives in. Black people don't all live in Africa, you know.

Answer 7

A huge reason why is because of the amount of time it takes to process the adoption. To adopt a white american newborn, there can sometimes be a waiting list of 5 years before you are finally next in line. If you go adopt a baby from another country, you may be matched up with one within only weeks. Another reason is maybe the parents live here and are technically american but are of a different ethnicity themselves and they want babies that look like they do.

Answer 8

I think the girl on the bus should be looking at kittens, not babies.  Babies outgrow being cute and turn into real people!

Answer 9

i agree y dnt ppl look in ther eown back yard first

Answer 10

First i wanted a baby any baby.  I was in the domestic infant program for white, biracial and African American.  We were naive at the time.  Our first daughter is bi-racial.

To be the best parents we could be to our daughter we had to educate ourselves.  Even though we were told i could never have children we ended up having 3.  only 1 planned.  We knew it was best for our daughter to adopt again.  She added that she wanted a baby who looked like her.  We tried to adopt domestically again.  4 yrs later and 3 failed adoptions it was affecting our girls.  It was so hard to have a baby home and then have to give her back.  

We did check out the foster care system and we were that TOLD almost all of the children were either neglected, abused, born addicted to drugs or older.  We could not adopt out of birth order so we couldn't adopt older.  They felt we were not a good match with already having 4 young girls that the new child would be demanding so much attention.

So we finally went overseas to Ethiopia.  We adopted a toddler the oldest we could adopt.  By the Ethiopian government we have to send dr reports and photos every six months of the child's life until she is 18yr.  The photos are then sent off to our Birthfamily.  My husband while in African had to travel 5 hrs thru the country to meet our daughter's Birthfamily.  We have all intentions to return in two years so they can see her again.  We adore both of our Birthfamilies.  

There was no noble cause.  It was selfish we wanted to be parents.  We didn't feel right excluding children b/c of the color of their skin.  Secondly we knew it was in our daughters best interests to adopt again and to have a sibling that looked like her that she could relate to.  So we chose adoption instead of getting pregnant when we wanted another child.  I wish things would have worked out domestically but they didn't.  I wish foster care could have worked out. With the info we were given we didn't know if a high needs child would be fair to the children we already have.

For us it seemed like our final option to go overseas.  My youngest daughter suffered from starvation.  She was skin and bones, she had hep A, parasites, and ring worm everywhere.  To see that poverty is just gut-wrentching.  

IDK.  Its confusing.  I think for every family its different.  Its hard to judge unless you've walked a mile in their shoes.  I've been humbled b/c just 2 yrs ago I was right there with you.  Once our daughters are grown, we would love to adopt a sibling group thru foster care so they can have our full attention, devotion and love.

All the best.

Answer 11

I think it is silly too, I don't think you're racist but it doesn't make much sense to me.

Answer 12

The big bad scary birth mom.  Some people live in fear of this, because they don't believe adoptees should have rights to their own heritage.

Or the exoticness factor; wouldn't it be cool to have your own little kiddie collection from all over the world?  Like Madonna and Brangelina?  Cool, man.  (I think the girl you heard on the bus falls into this category).

Or the mistaken assumption that foster kids are nothing but "trouble", they are all "crack babies" with ADHD and they'll destroy your house and steal from you and abuse your other kids etc. etc. etc.  

Lots of reasons, I think mostly centered around selfishness.

Answer 13

This is one issue I fully understand your point of view.  I don't know either.  Sometimes it is the natural parents.  Sometimes its the cost.  Sometimes it is to save a child.

Answer 14

There are many many reasons.  My pedatrician is adopting from another country Lebenon (sp) because she and her husbands families are from there.  They have cvil war going on and they feel that a child there really needs a home .  Here (US) even though foster care is not perfect they have a better chance than a kid that is living with bombs going all around them. They also feel that they know the heritage and can pass that down.

Others want babies and it is easier and cheaper to come across a baby. Many people try for years to have a child before adopting and they don't want to  "miss"  a stage of development by adopting a 5 year old.  They want the sleepless nights and to potty trian.

Others feel similar to my first answer that even though kids in care in the states have it hard it is not as hard as the famine and dieseas of other countries like Africa.

Finally and this has to be the worst reason of them all is they don't want to deal with the birth parents.

Answer 15

It's easier for most people to adopt internationally. 90% of international adoptions are for infants and toddlers under the age of two. In America the average age of a child adopted is 7. On average it takes 18 months for parental rights to be severed. And that's if the birth parents are not at all complaint with the case plan. If the bio parent(s) are making some effort it can take years for a child to be legally free for adoption. Also many adoptive parents fear the bio family "finding" them and trying to "reclaim" their child. When adopting several thousand miles away from a proverty stricken country no less this fear is eliminated. A child needing a family is still a child no matter what country they were born in.

Answer 16

I think it's because they want lots of distance between them and their adoptee's family. It seems it's the more "insecure" peeps who prefer to gather children from far away. Maybe the different ethnicities makes it more apparent they are do-gooders "saving" a child, so they get the ego strokes.  Or maybe it ease their fears of being in competition with the child's parents.

Answer 17

I agree, we have so many children in our own country that need help!

Answer 18

I don't understand why someone would say that.  But choosing to adopt from another country based on the desire to help a child who might otherwise face a very bleak life in a country that holds no future for children who are orphaned and abandoned, is a lot different than adopting a black baby because he's "cute".  

Why should we turn our backs on the rest of the world; are these children not worthy of love and security simply because they didn't have the fortune of being born here?

Answer 19

Yep.  Especially since the children many are adopting are older kids.  Why are they so cool with adopting an older child from another country?  So, age can't be the reason.  It's rather expensive, from what adoptive parents have told me, to adopt from a foreign country.  It takes a lot of time because of the international laws.  It takes lots of traveling time.  Also, there have been several stories in the news about disrupted and dissolved adoptions of foreign children due to RAD issues.  So, it can't be due to a lack of possible "bahavioural" difficulties, which people sometimes give as a reason for hesitation about foster-adopting.

It's just that with over 100,000 children in foster care in the U.S., along with the lack of agency fees required to foster-adopt from the state, I'm not seeing the advantage.  

I'm hoping to hear from some adoptive parents here with their experiences.

Answer 20

Sarahhhhhhhhhhhhhh,

a gal and her husband from work adopted a beautiful young boy from Russia.  I asked why Russia and her response was two fold -- easier/less time consuming and not to worry about bmom intruding.  Plain and simple . . .

Answer 21

i no its weird. then u no the kid is adopted. like angelina jolie and madonna...

Answer 22

I don't understand why either...there are alot of children in our own country that need parents also...

Answer 23

Have you been to and seen the foster/orphanage systems in other countries compared to our own?

Do you know how many children are available for adoption in the US compared to the world?

If you were more educated on the big picture you wouldnt be making such ignorant remarks.

First off, people have the right to choose where they want to adopt from, its their child, and their choice.

Second, aside from european countries, the life of unclaimed children is closer to that of an inmate of the state. Their living conditions, their life long social status, and their liklihood of even surviving to that point is slim to none. Children available for adoption the US are comparatively much better off. They have regular housing, care, clothing and and education. The rest of the world does not have state provisions for these things, theyre found though missions works, charities and grants from private citizens. If a child in China is an orphan, that will be their lot in life. They have absolutely no hope of becoming anything more in that culture but the lowest of working class laborers. In America, an orphan can be president some day. Its not even comparable.

Lastly, the children available for adoption in the US compared to the approved waiting list of adoptive parents is small. There are Hundreds of THOUSANDS of families waiting to adopt, and not always children for them. The children in the US who are not adopted out each year (on average the number is 1000) those children are troubled teens, the developmentally delayed, and those who are very very ill, and those children are given life long care by the government.

You have absolutely no right to judge someone because they have enough love in their hearts to adopt. And comparing international and domestic situations with such a passive ignorance is unfair to those who want to change the life of the most oppressed.

Always educate yourself before forming opinions on things.

Answer 24

I answered a similar question to this earlier today.  I understand people's frustration but there ARE logical reasons why some people choose to adopt abroad.....the biggest one I can think of is people's fear of the birth mother or father coming back in the child's life & demanding the child back.  This HAS happened in very high profile cases....even after the child has been living & loving their adoptive family for 4-5 years!  There are cases where the father never knew of the child & then comes around to demand the child back.  Can you imagine how traumatic that would be on a child & the family?  The child has only ever known his a-parents as his parents.  With a foreign adoption, the chance of something like that happening would be much less.  So, it's not always about picking "the cutest" child but rather practical issues involved.