Why do people judge very young mothers???

Question

hmmm where do i start, it makes me so angery that people are so quick to judge us younger mothers even though they dont know the story.

im 15 almost 16 and im around a mouth prego, no we didnt plan it like some girls do, it was an aciddent but not a mistake... i dont think children are ever mistakes... never.

my boyfriend and i are keeping our baby. we are deciting everything togeather, hes going to all the apointments and everthing.

his mother was young when she had him.. and did the best she could and it wasnt enought so she gave him the better life by letting his aunt adopt him. she sees him every summer and he doesnt regrt the choice she made but peole still judge her..

my mom had me at 22. my father left and didnt help out at all he still doesnt and she has two of us. me im almost 16 and my sister who is 7 differnt dads but both are meannies... and she does the best the can people still judge her ... i hate the fact the people judge ..

Answer 1

I don't judge as much as it saddens me.  At 15, why must you feel the need to bring s*x into your lives when there are so many more things out there you could be doing?  You can't take care of yourselves, but you are out making choices that can change the rest of your lives.  Enjoy being a kid!  You have the rest of your life to be an adult...these are the best times of our life.  Why not wait until you are at least educated and on your own is my thing.  Not to mention, if your mother had you (your bf) at a young age...I am sure she wouldn't want you to repeat the cycle.  She would want you to do and see more in life because she knows how hard it is...and she's going to be taking care of another baby and not even finished raising her own.  It's more than just you that it affects.

Answer 2

female please;: you shouldn't care for what anyone else thinks or has to say about you, I'm 20 years old and my sister-in-law has six kids and i can prove that at my age I'm a better mother. Not just because you are young does it mean that you cant make the right decisions in raising your child. Most of the people who do judge have never even had a kid or don't want any. And no having s*x at 15 doesn't make you a s**t who ever criticized you because of that must be g*y or something if he wasn't having s*x as a teenager or he probably couldn't get any.

Answer 3

Girl i don't care how old you are...If you take care of your baby and raise them with love then who cares. Women now a days have filthy house and abuse their children. There like 30. So do your thing, take care of your child and you are ok in my book.

Congrats!!! Having babies are hard, but it is a happiness that is never tainted

Answer 4

because your a s**t having s*x at 15

Answer 5

Whether people judge or not teenage pregnancy is irresponsible.  Most teenagers don't have the capabilities of providing for themselves let alone another person.  Accidental/Unwanted/Surprise pregnancy's with teenagers shows huge lack of judgment.

Answer 6

I'm not sure why peolpe judge, it think its just too make sence of the world.

Its funny though cause i read a magzine artical in family circle a few years back interviewing younger mothers and older moms like in the fortys when they had kids and the OLDER mothers felt more bullied by the younger mothers.

I personally don't feel this is true.

Think how much more energy your going too have too run around with your kids though then the older mothers. You'll probley live too see your great grand children as well.

If anything i think that there jelous. There happy when they can pitty you but when they see that your doing good for yourself that seems too be when the claws come out.

Keep doing your thing, try the hardest you've ever tryed, and let them eat thier own ****.

Answer 7

I hate being judged too! I was 16, so I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. People just think we have our children so that we can have little dolls to love. It's so stupid! My child couldn't have a better mother! I really believe that with all my heart. I wish all mother's could work together without judgement. We all have similar problems. Good luck!

I'm not on welfare. I'm in college. I'm still with my child's father (4 years). We rely on OURSELVES. My son has everything he needs. Not all of us mooch off of people taxes...

Answer 8

Sorry to be blunt, but I certainly hope you are planning to finish school.  Your grammar is awful.  It makes me cringe to think that you are going to be the first educator your child will interact with.  This is part of the reason we judge.

Answer 9

i took a number of adolescent classes in college.  honestly, until you are 20, you will not think like an adult.  I am not trying to put you down or make you seem dumb.  it is a simple fact and there are studies which show the development of the brain and how it matures, it only fully matures around 20.  There are also studies that have compared the differences in how adults and adolescents think and ways they see the world.  adolescents have this mindset where they think nothing will ever happen to them.  for example, get an std, become pregnant.  you may think you know everything, and you may know alot, but regardless of information, adolescents still have a feeling nothing will happen to them.  they tend to let the thrill of the moment make their decisions, not really considering future connotations.  yes lots of adults do that too, but adolescents do it all the time.

so with the mindset that they are immune, lots of kids tend to have unprotected s*x, or sleep around alot, or not wear steatbelts, or drive really fast, assuming thatnothing will happen to them.

so society does view young mother's harshly.  you are so young to be having a kid, i wish you had more time to be a kid.  the thing is, i dont blame you and other young mothers, i blame society.  kids are having s*x younger and younger.  16 and 17 was super young when i was in high school and i am only 23.  television, the media is encouraging you guys to grow up so fast, and then when all your classmates start doing things, you feel you must as well.  you guys are just exposed to so much, you start earlier then ever.  

i am sorry people judge you harshly but if i see someone so young that is pregnant, i assume they didnt use any protection and their parents didnt teach them the right things or didnt get involved enough.  that is just my assumption which i hate top say, is typically the case, yet if i saw you in a supermarket i would give you a warm smile. :)  you are already pregnant, why preach now?   any young mother must be under so much stress, i know a warm smile must help under sea of shaking heads.

i am proud you are keeping the child, finishing school, and made a plan on what to do.  that shows how much more mature you've become.    

i hope i explained adults views without sounding too condescending.  good luck with everything hun :)

Answer 10

People judge as they see it as your ruining your life.. Well.. I got pregnant when i was 19.. and honestly It was the best thing that ever happened to me.. I wasnt doing well at 19 couldnt hold a job was partying all the time and once i found out i was pregnant it changed my ways.. Im 26 now and my daughter is 6.. If I could go back in time, i wouldnt change a thing..

People judge cause thats the society we live in.but whats worse is when your family judges you.That happened to me!. They told me to get rid of it, even looked at adoption options without me knowing.. I stopped talking to my mom for 2 months before she realized that there was nothing she could do cause having the baby was MY decision.. We have a great relationship now and she loves being a grandmother. She was there to help me when the family where i live now looked down on me..

Take this as one of the greatest things that life has given you and give it your all.. It wont be all roses and daisies but you will get through it. believe me as a young mom I didnt know what I was going but we learn as we go..

I wish you and your boyfriend all the best :)

Answer 11

All I can say is, just take care of yourself.  It will be hard once the baby is here because, you will no longer have free time.  Can't spend as much time going out with your friends as you might have before. And it's harder to just get up and go whenever you want to. Like, if your friends invite  you out to a movie, you have to plan around the baby and make sure someone responsible can take care of it. And then it wears on you after a while when you're having to get up at 3 am every morning to feed the baby. If you go to school, imagine having to do this and then having to get to school on not enough sleep. Don't get me wrong, babies are a blessing, but even though they are wonderful,  you have to be ready to know that your freedom is gone. But you know, they eventually grow up. And it goes by so fast. I wish you the best, drink lots of orange juice. It's good for the baby. Good luck to you.

Answer 12

young ppl have so much to learn and are likely to make more mistakes than older, more educated ppl. congrats on ur pregnancy and i commend u for doing the right thing for ur baby, but by ur question i can tell u could use some education and life experience.

Answer 13

Dear Very Young Mother,

I'm not a mean person but what I am is a realist. I wonder about your education first because your question and story was barely readable. I worry about young mothers because science says they have more health complications during pregnancy. Babies cost money a lot of money with quality child care and out growing clothes it seems as if you have a lot to learn. Just because something such as having a baby early can be accomplished it doesn't mean it should be or that it will be easy. Aside from the government and a family that seems to already be setting a trend how do YOU plan on raising this child? Where will you work if you can't or don't finish school who is going to help this child with his or her homework? In a few years you won't be able to. It's not always a judgment but I also hate that my tax dollars go to paying for someone else's expenses through welfare when gas is almost 5 dollars and I have to drive to work everyday and my husband and I have to work to support our children. And in closing I believe the mistake here is that children are raising children instead of getting a much needed childhood and EDUCATION.

Answer 14

Well its just a bad thing that tends to put barriers on what you will succeed and could of succeeded in life I think.  An people will always judge you, cant do anything about it, it happened deal with it.

Answer 15

People judge because quite often hardworking taxpayers are forced to pay for your ignorance and inability to be responsible. They have every right to judge when their money is paying for your welfare, medical care, WIC, etc.

I am a hardworking woman with a full-time job and earn decent money yet I can't get medical insurance. Young girls like you who end up on welfare can and do so for free. Tell me how that is fair.

Too many young girls are so d**n selfish they think of themselves first rather than do the right thing. Instead of considering adoption, they selfishly decide to raise the babies because they cannot bear to part with the child. Please. Selfishness at its finest. The child deserves more than an uneducated mother with no solid job and likely no father.

I know d**n well I will get so many thumbs down for this but somebody has to have the balls to say it.

Answer 16

I think people judge young mothers because they don't think they can raise a child being a child which I think is wrong. Do I think a young person should go out a get pregnant just because they think babies are cute no, but like you said accidents happen and with every accident is a decision. You chose to keep your baby and I believe you will give it love by the message you just wrote. Good luck on your pregnancy and I hope all works out

Answer 17

Unfortunately for some reason people d judge. Most of us do it at some time or another about something. Hun, if you look after your baby and yourself, be proud and don't worry what other people think or say. Good luck!

Answer 18

I'm not saying you're wrong to have/keep the baby or anything, but here are some reasons why people might disapprove of the choice:

-You probably can't financially support the child because you haven't had enough education yet to obtain suitable work that will provide for him or her

    -You'll probably need to rely on your parents for a lot of the baby's care, especially for financial aspects, and while they might not mind, it isn't really fair to put that burden on them

-People will assume, (and I think this is a fair assumption) that you're just generally not mature enough to be as good of a mother as the child deserves. Why? Nobody expects that you wouldn't care for it enough, or whatever you may think, but let's face it - you're only 15, and still have a lot more growing to do yourself. You're still a child in many ways. In a medium like this internet forum, you certainly come across as childish with your rampantly bad spelling and sentence structure. And, you will no doubt argue, this has little to do with being a good mother. But the point is, it comes back to being able to provide for the baby - by having a decent and stable income - for which you need acceptable communication skills.

Again, I'm not trying to be insulting, just giving you a window into the kinds of things other people think of when they see/hear about you. As others have said, what ultimately matters most is that you and your family are happy, so it doesn't really matter what others think. That said, these things are always a matter of perspective, and they're entitled to their opinions as well. Good luck with the pregnancy and motherhood.

Answer 19

to put it simply, people judge because they can. that they do it, is not right but it will be done. i had my son at a young age too (18) and i got looks and shaking heads of disapproval, but you know what at the end of the day all that matters is how much you love you and your baby. it doesn't matter who looks down on you because you need to worry about you and your baby. good luck

Answer 20

the only person who can judge you is yourself.

Answer 21

because everyone loves to see a teenager be a teenager and not grow up so quick and be a child raising a child

Answer 22

I wouldn't worry about it people will judge you no matter what. You just have to stay true to you and that baby. And good for you for keeping the baby I wish you the best.

Answer 23

Here... welcome to the harsh reality.

They look at you like you are not responsible.

You are not mature enough to make decisions for yourself, let a long a child. You may think otherwise, but in all honesty, it is the truth. You walk down the street, and people think, why was she not smart and responsible enough to be on birth control, or to make sure the guy wore a condom, and that if it broke, there are emergency pills. She is bringing another life into the world , when she really needs to focus on herself. Her education, her life. Now, instead, she has another life to worry about. And yes.. children may be a wonderful thing, but they should be had when two people can afford to have them. Emotionally, and money wise. They need to be in a secure relationship. Sure you and your bf are planning everything together now, but you never know in a few months, years, whatever, he may leave you. you may not love him any more. It is how life goes. In the end, a child is a big responsibility that a responsible person should think about. You hate the fact that people judge.. but its reality.

Answer 24

people judge because it is human nature... they relate teen pregnancy with all the bad stories, you know when the parents cant afford the child and the parents themselves cant finish school, in todays world you cant make it very far without post-secondary school let alone without high school, therefore cant get a decent income to raise a child. they see someone who is 15 and think they are not old enough for a child because they are only a child still themselves. the sad reality of it is there are a lot (of course not all) of young mothers out there that cant support themselves let alone a baby.

you seem to have the support of your family and his family you are very lucky.  as much as it sucks that people judge and frown upon someone as young as yourself having a baby it is not going to change. as long as you realize this and try not to let it bother you so much (i know easier said then done), then you will be fine and will make it far in life dont let others belittle you because you have different opinions. hold your head high be strong and i wish you all the best of luck, love, health and happiness!

Answer 25

Humans are taught at a young age, what is right, what is wrong and what should be looked down upon. Getting pregnant at a young age is taught to be looked down on in many (not all) households. It's all how people were brought up. If your mother got pregnant at a young age, you're obviously less likely to be disgusted with young mothers...

Answer 26

Well because babies shouldn't be having babies and how could it be an accident if you are 15 then you know that s*x makes babies so you knew what could happen. You cant even drive but you are pregnant .good one !!!!!! But whats done is done.

Answer 27

because people think they are too young.

Answer 28

People will always judge, unfortunately.  Congratulations on keeping the baby.  I wish more young couples were like you and your boyfriend.

Answer 29

Because becoming a parent is a big deal. When you see someone as young as you are raising a child it's kind of disturbing because no offense but you are a child. People should never pass judgment on others because you dont know what life for them is like but it happens and you shouldn't let it bother you. If  you are prepared to give your life to your child that is all that matters.