Why do people often view adoption as a try out? It's not a pet you know.?

Question

Sometimes I think people adopt just because they want a live talking pet. That's fine, you are allowed to have a pet; however, adopting a child in replacement for a pet is somewhat cruel.

Few years ago, I over heard a conversation where this girl in her twenties saying that she had adopted a child, did not like how the child behaved so she returned him.

h**l, I feel bad being rejected, imagine for the kid, being rejected twice in his or her lifetime for not being a wanted human being. Their not pets.

Answer 1

I agree That is sad but unfortunately this happens because some people are not capable of dealing with a child who has "issues" **** i would have issues too if i was in that situation. But yeah people can be cruel and very selfish.  

Answer 2

i agree, but you dont really know the full story, she might have just had a really bad relationship with him, some people just arnt compatible, i think its better she 'returns him' than putting up with, and hating him. hopefully he got a happy family by being 'returned'

Answer 3

first of all it is very untrue that no one wants to adopt the children living in USA foster care, the system to place them, do homestudies, etc... is so screwed up many kids never get placed.  Even the way public social services works to return children to there biological parents or relatives is messed up.  Then don't even get me started on adoption sub. and how people live off of that (couldn't the parents or relatives had used that same money (often $1400 or more a month per child) to raise their child instead of some ninny who drags the child through attachment therapy?  

http://www.commonplacesketchbook.com/chi...

adopting from foster care is near impossible, they turn thousands away each year..

http://www.listeningtoparents.org/index....

social workers and the system they work for saying no one wants the kids allows them to continue to treat the group of children badly..

they also have dumb rules like waiting until the child is ready to be adopted (which usually means sitting in a foster home with people who couldn't care less about them)

but then on the other side of the issue, a lot of kids in government care are there because their parents OFTEN BECAUSE THEY CAN"T PAY FOR MEDICAL CARE OR CARE OTHERWISE have to place them there...

there is little real help to support any family in those situations..

isn't it better for the child not to be stuck living with people who don't want him?

Answer 4

It is not that they think of them as a pet.  Unfortunately it is partially due to a large supply of kids and not many potential adoptive parents.  It is not easy raising a child that is already set in their ways plus the fact that some of these kids were put up because their birth parents couldn't handle them in the first place.  I must add that I know of several couples that have taken in trouble makers specifically and many were successful in turning them around, but they were strong enough to make a difference.  

Answer 5

Absolutely.  It breaks my heart when people promise a child a so-called 'Forever Family' then reject and return them like something they got at a store; call it 'disruption' and then have the balls to lay all the responsibility for the 'disruption' onto the CHILD - makes me so sick.  Poor kids.

Equally sad is when the newborn doesn't come out 'perfect' (wrong color or medical problem) I mean, would they reject the child so easily if it was born to them.

Answer 6

What a silly and irresponsible post.

You hear some girl say something...

She was kidding, don't use it to feed your anti-adoption campaign.

Answer 7

I know many adoptive families. I visit a board dedicated to Adoption. I've never heard such a strange thing you claim.

Infact i don't even believe you over heard such a conversation.

Answer 8

It's extremely heart breaking for the child.

I think it's because too many rush into adoption with blinkers on - hoping and praying for a child they always dreamed of - but an adoptee can never be the bio child that most of them hope for.

Just. Can't.

An adoptee comes with a completely different set of genetics markers for starters.

Different looks.

Different traits.

Different talents.

Then there is the fact that most adoptees really do want to know the family they are bio related too - and too many adoptive parents get offended by that - because they haven't worked through their own insecurities first.

Adoption is an extremely complex deal.

And sadly too many go screaming in - with very little education into what it's really all about.

In the end - it's the children that suffer - not once - but twice.

Answer 9

I don't think most people view adoption like this.  I don't understand where you get "often" from.  Not only is adoption not cheap, it is not easy.   It is a long drawn out process and people who are willing to go through that process have to really want children to be able to make it through the waiting, the emotional strain, the financial strain etc etc.  I seriously think it would be a rarity for a family to adopt a child and then send that child away.  Perhaps you heard only part of the story, or the girl knew you were evesdropping and was trying to pull one over on you.  

Answer 10

Adoption disruption can happen, but it's usually for much more profound reasons than just not "liking how the child behaved."

Fact of the matter is, in overseas and foster care adoption, children can come to their adoptive families with significant trauma and behavioral issues, like sexual acting out, violence, lighting fires, etc.  I' not talking about a child refusing to make their bed in the morning, but the child who kicks the puppy across the room because Mom said 'No' to having ice cream for breakfast.

Adoptive parents are often unaware of these issues before placement and are woefully unprepared for them.  Furthermore, there is not much support available and overall, society judges these adoptive parents that are at their wits' end, very harshly.

Don't believe me?  Check the questions from parents that adopted children with severe RAD and look at all the responses essentially saying "You're a horrible person for even thinking about disruption!".  

As a general rule, I don't support disruption.  But there are cases where the child is simply better off with a family that is better able to meet his/her needs.  

But on the other side, there are people who try to disrupt for some pretty p**s-poor reasons.  And that just ticks me off to no end.