Why do people say marriage is hard work?

Question

I'm not married obviously or I wouldn't be asking this question

many people say that marriage is hard work why is that? I would assume that as long as you are with a person you love then any problems or obstacles should be able to work out?

why do so many marriages fail?

Answer 1

Communication, intimacy, redundancy, are all things that seem to fail in marriages.  When people say marriage takes work it represents the fact that it takes constant work to keep up communication, intimacy, and not let redundancy take over your life.  As you spend so many years with one person it takes work to fight for good communication even when times are rough, it takes work to keep up intimacy when you have a family and full time jobs, and it takes work to try and find ways to not let your life fall into a redundant routine.  That is what it means and given the right work a marriage can last forever.

Answer 2

Life is not always peachy keen so couples have to cope through, together, the turmoils of life. Sometimes, the love and respect gets hidden in the chaos of life or they grow away from each other for whatever reason. You have to keep your relationship on the front burner and communicate a lot. You can't ever take a marriage for granted.

Answer 3

love gets u thru a lot of things. however, it's usually the small things that break up a marriage.  toilet seat being left up, no help around the house, window open at night or closed.  there are sooooo many things that you don't even think of before you get married, even living together before doesn't get you ready for marriage.  there's money issues, who pays the bills, how many accounts, what account does the car pmt come out of, etc...

Answer 4

Well it's not hard work like you're painting your house, or rebuilding your car engine or anything. Marriage is 2 people building a life together. NO 2 people are exactly alike. Both have wants and needs, and they don't always mesh together easily. Doesn't mean they can't work things out, It just means some have a rougher time than others doing it. I find it the most enjoyable "work" I've ever done.

Answer 5

It's not hard work when you agree on everything and there's plenty of money, but add some adversity, and see if they make it. They may blame each other for their problems instead of trying to work them out. If that happens, then divorce is imminent.

Not only that, you aren't always going to get along. It's in those ties that staying becomes work. You want to leave with everything in you because you are so mad, hurt, or frustrated, but you don't because you know tomorrow is another day, and you will work it out, but in the heat of the moment, some people just bail.

Answer 6

Some people jump into marriages not really knowing the person that they're married to. Some people grow selfish or obsessed with work.

It's a lot of different things. The biggest killer in marriages is not communicating. So if you marry one of the strong, silent types it takes a lot of work from both to keep the lines of communication open.

It also takes a lot of sacrifice. Some people have a hard time getting used to giving up getting their way all the time. You have to learn to meet in the middle, and sometimes concede.

All of this takes a desire to learn, love, patience, and a great sense of humor. If you lack one, chances are the marriage isn't going to work out.

But on the upside, I've found that it's been worth every lesson, every stressful day, every concession I've had to make, and laughing at every stupid mistake along the way with the man I love more and more every day.

Answer 7

I don't think I'd call it "hard work", but it definitely requires effort from both people to keep things fresh, fun, and interesting.  Humans are creatures of habit, and we tend to get into ruts and not appreciate what we have.  As long as you try to ignore minor annoyances, appreciate positive qualities, feel free to discuss "tough stuff" with your spouse, and bring new ideas and discussions into the relationship, those are critical aspects.  The other things as you say can be worked out.

Answer 8

Because it is. Love helps you get through, but is sometimes not enough when bad things happen. You also change and grow from the person that you were when you fell in love.  

Answer 9

Wouldn't it be nice if everything about marriage was that simple. You are partly right,all problems and obstacles can be worked out. However, not everyone has the tools or willingness to stay and work through problems no matter how much they thought they were in love. I am in a 27 year relationship with a past the includes 2 ex husbands. The thing that made the difference and has allowed me to finally find longevity was understanding "commitment" It was only when I decided that we must agree that divorce was not an option when we were trying to find a resolve. Don't think it hasn't been rough at times, there isn't anything, short of violence, that we haven't said or done to one another and we've overcome all of it. I am just sorry I didn't know all of this in my first marriage or even in my second one but thank god I did finally catch on. The "hard work" has been done by those who have stayed commited all others fail

Answer 10

depends who you ask...I dont find it hard work at all....my hubby and I are great maried for 5 yrss so far, two kids and i dunno we just have fun together.

Answer 11

I don't think that marriage is hard work.  It seems very natural to me.

I think that many people think that it is hard work because you have to put another person and their needs and wants in front of yourself.  Selfishness has no place in marriage.  It tears things apart.

Answer 12

Marriage can be difficult when there isn't good communication.  If you have communication and an honest basic mutual respect and love for each other you can overcome any obstacle. Things get hard and people can bail out without trying to repair damages, or work on the relationship.  Sometimes they feel it is easier to get out of the marriage.  I guess it depends on what your commitment is.

Answer 13

I don't care if you are with your perfect soul mate or whatever, but marriage truly IS hard work. You have to learn to always always always compromise, even when you don't really want to. You have to learn to always put your spouse first, and yourself second, which can be difficult at times. I think the reason so many marriages fail is because people get married before they really REALLY know the person. So then they are married, and realize that their spouse is not the perfect person that they thought they were, and they give up. Marriage is hard work, but so incredibly worth it.

Answer 14

Because they aren't with the right person. My marriage is working out just fine. I'm with the right man.

Answer 15

re: why do so many marriages fail?

...IGNORNANCE!

They just do not know how and were not taught how to make a relationship work..........google: relationship tips

and learn how BEFORE you get into it.

Answer 16

im newly married, i guess we will find out! yikes.

Answer 17

its funny you ask....its like the saying "nothing really changes after getting married"

But for me I've been married for 3 years, and like any normal relationship you have problems your have obstacles, but you work together to work it out.  

And just to let you know everything changes when you get married for the positive, atleast for me it did.

good luck

oh for the last question

why do so many marriages fail?

Its cause they keep trying...

There is no such thing as trying, either you are doing or you are not, there is nothing in between doing or not doing.  So of course if they are trying they aren't really doing anything

Answer 18

its hard work because its 2 different people coming together theres different opinions and so forth  

Answer 19

let me tell you it can be work, marriage is about compromise and letting go, you cannot spend all your time together let each other have space and let them go where they want without being jealous. i have been married 20 years and let me tell you that it has been a roller coaster ride with ups and downs, with sickness and health and money and no money you just make up your mind, roll up your sleeves and make it work.