Why do people say stuff about loving your biological children more than if you adopted them?

Question

And what's with the saying about "flesh and blood". If you can't love someone with different genes to you, that's just crazy. My friend is adopted, and loves her parents, they are her 'real' parents. It sounds really selfish to me to say about your own flesh and blood being more important.

Answer 1

You are absolutely correct.  Parents who adopt should always treat their children with love and respect no matter how they joined the family.  Being adopted myself and knowing a lot of adoptee's I can't think of one person who has ever heard this in reference to themselves.  

My mom gave me this when I was young and had it cross-stitched for me when I left for college.

Not Flesh of my Flesh

Not Bone of my Bone

But still miraculously one of my own

You didn't grow under my heart

You grew in it.

Answer 2

Honey I agree with you 100% people who say they cant love someone that isnt theres must be smokin something

Answer 3

People who say that are mostly people who have never adopted or don’t have any adopted family members. I’d say 99.99% of people who have both biological and adopted children, love their adopted and natural children equally. There’s no difference other then one not sharing genetics.

Flesh and blood is so overrated if you ask me. I know a lady who isn’t adopted but is much closer to people who are not her blood family. It’s kind of like that saying sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me. That is such a lie words can hurt immensely, if someone breaks their arm it will heal. But words though their hurt can heal its likely to take a much longer time, and even once they are “healed” sometimes they can be cut open like an invisible scar that never fully heals over. The way I see it Love is thicker then anything.

Answer 4

I believe those people are very narrow minded or have never truely experienced unconditional love. You are right it is very selfish of people to believe that you can only love a child inside your gentic pool. I truly feel sorry for them. I mean if they can only love some one within their gene pool who are they marrying? Are they all inbreading and marrying their cousins if they cannot go outside their gene pool?

Seriously though, the parents that raise a child are that child's "real parents". It bothers me too when people ask if I met my daughters real parents. Sometimes I simply ask "why do you want to know?" which shuts some of them up. Other times I correct them by telling them I am her real parent. I am not a figment of anyones imagination. If you are referring to the people who gave birth to her, no I did not meet them. Then I politely as them an equally rude and intrusive question like "Are you adopted?" When they say no, I ask them how they know. "Did you have genetic testing done to prove your parents are your "real parents"? Then I push it a little further and ask "How do you know your mother didn't have an affair? I mean you could be a b*****d child of her affair." Depending on my mood and how intrusive the person was, I would push it further. I have met people who followed me through the parking lot throwing questions at me about my daughter and how the Chinese don't want or like girls. How they kill them and how they don't respect women. My daughter is hearing this. I couldn't get away from that woman; she followed me to my car. There are times when you cannot be polite to those people.

People in general feel they have a right to say whatever they want regardless of how hurtful or rude. They feel they are entitled to know the answer to every question they feel they need to ask. They don't take into consideration that a child regardless of age understands everything they say. They speak as if the child were not there. While "people" have a right to ask any question they like, they are not entitled to answers.

I always say, "Blood may be thicker than water but Love is thicker still." Don't let those people get you down. Come up with a phrase that will shut them down and keep it handy.

Answer 5

People have brains of their own. I don;t even like other peoples kids, they're not mine, but I love mine to death. If I paid for another child, as in adoptions, I would feel as if I paid for  it. I have the ability to have my own children, so I have no need to buy one. I am the least selfish person, as I've given my daughter up for adoption, my own flesh and blood, and I love her to death, just as I do my boys. If someone opinion rattles you, rattle back.

Answer 6

People who adopt DO NOT say this!  But occasionally a person who has NEVER adopted (and shouldn't!!) might say this.  Why?  Because they have not had the actual experience of adoption, and they do not know from experience that loving a child is loving a child.  REAL love knows no blood!

Another possible reason someone who has NOT ADOPTED might say this?  It usually comes from uneducated or undereducated folks who have never travelled, never known people of varied races or cultures, are narrow minded, or are very "into" themselves.  Some people are so egotistical that they would NEVER consider parenting a child who did not come from THEIR own genes!  (Can you imagine?)  I trluy feel so sorry for such an individual.

I have, through the years, worked with 1000's of parents -- and 99% of the adoptive parents I have met are SO in love with their children -- they are very very family oriented parents who give the utmost to all their children.  Why?  They have to want to be parents more than anything in the world to adopt!  It is a very long, risky, hard, expensive, rocky road for many.  So the process weeds out people who are not squeaky clean, very stable, and just want to parent and love children more than anything in the world!  Those parents hang in there, do everything they are supposed to, pass all the background checks with flying colors, get a highly approved homestudy, and have an agency or other social services agency recommend them highly as parents.

Love bio kids more than those who came home through adoption?  The only adoptive parents I have ever encountered with a concern about loving their children equally, told me they felt guilty because sometimes they felt closer to their child who came home through adoption than their bio children!

Answer 7

My heart could not possibly hold any more love for a child than it does for my son - and he was adopted.  Flesh & blood - what does that really mean?  So someone gave birth to a child.  Here's my take on it - giving birth does not make you a parent.  Instilling values and beliefs and caring for a child is how you become a parent.  Don't get me wrong, I have the utmost admiration for biological parents who make an adoption plan for their child and allow families like ours to adopt.  I just feel that "parenting" is how a child is raised, not how they entered this world.

Answer 8

My nephew is adopted and I tell him that he is so special because his parents chose him.  I plan to adopt my step son as soon as I can afford to file the paperwork and my husband hopes to adopt my daughter, and I think adoption is so special because you want that child there are people out there who have children that don't want them.  My step sons mother left 6 years ago and hasn't been back, and my ex hasn't seen my daughter in two years, so much for flesh and blood.  We are our childrens real parents even if it isn't biological, couldn't love our children any more than  we do now.

Answer 9

I'm not sure what you're trying to say, but when you adopt a child they BECOME your flesh and blood. That's how I look at it. My parents have NEVER said to anyone that they love me 'like their own child'---I AM their child.

My folks have never treated me like I was adopted-ever. They've never introduced me as "this is Jennifer our adopted daughter". I've never been treated as better or worse, superior or inferior to my brothers. EVER. --as it should be.

Answer 10

Well I could elaborate on this subject, but everyone else has already given their opinions.

I have both a flesh and blood daughter and a beloved adopted son.  His is opposite in appearance from us, we are average size and he is much taller and bigger built.  But people never know and never believe it.  Life is strange.

The funniest thing I have to offer is: when I get into a conversation about my daughters birth and then I go on to talk

about my sons birth, I am as shocked as anyone when I am reminded that I did not deliver him. Curiously enough it is still a surprise to me and it as been 30 years.  

He actually came home from the hospital at three days from a loving Mother who wanted the best for him.

We will always be unbelievably grateful.