Why do people say that when a person is dumped it's was the dumpee the one with the problem?

Question

i just posted a question about myself being dumped and most of the answers people stated that me being dumped had nothing to do with me but more about him...that he's the one with the issues i don't understand?

Answer 1

Trying to make you feel better, I imagine.

Bottom line, when a guy loves a girl he'll do anything to be with her. Maybe you were incompatible or he really did find someone he preferred spending time with. Either way, he's "just not that into you" and you deserve someone better. It's not that you have a problem, per se, and maybe he didn't either, but it just wasn't a good fit.  

Answer 2

they are trying to make you feel better by saying that.  i posted honest opinions before and got violation notices. people here are not honest.  they just want to say whatever you want to hear.

Answer 3

A few months ago, I "dumped" my fiancee. She was absolutely devastated when I did it, and rightfully so...she had done NOTHING wrong. I just got scared, and "manufactured" reasons to break up. After 3 months of dating, and seeing what else is out there, I called her, and asked her back out. She was ecstatic, and accepted, and things have never been better since we have been back together....I exposed myself to you, to SHOW you that the one that dumps is the one in the wrong usually, as I was. I was the one with the issues, not her. Once I solved my issues, we got back together....the future is ours now!

Answer 4

Because love isn't rational, and sometimes it goes away for no reason at all.

Think about all the guys you've ever known, and which you've been romantically attracted to and those you haven't.

It's not about reasons, really, is it? There's just something that's there or not. Sometimes it's there, but temporary.

That's why everyone's saying it's not YOU, it's HIM. His feelings changed.

I say it's no one's fault, it's just what happens.

Yes, the dumpee tends to feel it's something they did or something wrong with them. But that's just because it hurts.

Over time, you'll get over it, and move on, and wonder what you ever saw in him in the first place. That's how these feelings are.

People like to rationalize romantic feelings, but we're just not built that way. So, I'd like to ammend what others are saying to you: It's not you, it's just one of those things; it happens.

Answer 5

Sometimes the dumpee is the one with issues. Sometimes the dumper is the one. Either way take the gift and move on. Any time you are fired or someone breaks up with you just say thank you. You are meant for something better.  

Answer 6

The way you posted the question showed that you were in great pain. There was alot of empathy for you. Posters wanted to support you since you were so down. No one had any idea why he decided to find someone else, just that you were hurting.

You didn't specify that you did anything to cause him to find someone else, just that you were hurting. One can only comment on the information supplied.

Good luck and hope the next relationship is better for both of you.

Answer 7

The issue is usually in the incompatibility between the two people.

P.S. People will tell you that it's the other person's "problem" because they want to make you feel better, that's all.

Answer 8

You sometimes just have to face the fact that you weren't meant to be together.  You're taking the blame, because "...your looks or personality..." so, people are telling you that you don' t have the problem, he does, when, in fact, it's just a clash of personalities.  There's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing wrong with him.  There was just something wrong with the two of you together.

You are going to hurt for awhile and you should allow yourself the time to do so.  Don't dwell too much on him, though.  Start changing your train of thought when it starts to feel like your thoughts are heading in his direction.  Focus on your work, your home and/or hobby.  Look up friends and/or familty and hang out with someone else to help you get your mind off him.

Answer 9

because the problem was within and not the cause of the person dumped. it was his choice, it was caused by something within him, he was not satisfied with something, maybe it had to do with this other woman feeding his ego with words of affirmation,building up his self worth,because his self worth was the problem.when a person is dumped for no good reason over the other person finding someone new, it is the fault of the dumper,the dissatisfaction is within himself and he believes leaving u will end all his troubles,but he hasn't dealt with the real cause, himself.people tend to always blame the person they dumped, as its easier to blame them then to look inside oneself and solve whats wrong.finding someone new won't change him, he will still be the same person.

Answer 10

I don't always agree that it's the person who leaves who has issues.  Some people are downright impossible to put up with and should be left.  That said, perhaps people were trying to make you feel better.

Answer 11

Jazzy, talk is cheap. It is very easy for people who have no knowledge whatever about someone or a situation to profess knowledge. One of the failings here a Yahoo Answers is that anyone with access to a computer can answer questions. I have not yet read your other posting, so I cannot comment on it.

Often it is difficult to distinguish an answer from a 14-year-old from someone who is 40. Obviously though, there is a large experience gap between the two.

Regards,

Dan