Why do people stay if what they read is so upsetting?

Question

Just wondering. There must be a reason people hang out on a site they find so shocking, offensive and extremist. Why not just walk away? Or why not just ignore certain questions?

Answer 1

Life, in general, is upsetting.  It can be shocking and offensive.  But can we walk away from that?  I know I can't.  The views that are expressed here come from real people, in a real world.  Why not learn about the different views here before being bombarded with it in everyday living?  

I won't say that I don't ever get upset.  I am extremely sensitive and a "bleeding heart".  My feelings have been hurt by people on here that I now respect, such as Gaia Rain and Sunny.  What if I had put my head in the sand and never came back?  Both of those ladies were amazingly helpful to me during the death of my kids first mother!  

Let people rant and rave.  Eventually, they will calm down and see that we are all here for a reason that is important to us.

Answer 2

Because their position needs to be heard, and if that means staying on here, then so be it.

I started out staying because I was learning SOOOO much. Even though I am not part of the triad, when I read of others pain, I felt like someone was ripping MY child out of my arms, and that hurt. I can not imagine what it must be like to actually have to live it.

Now I am still on here to both learn and be heard

ETA: Mei-Ling- I was that lurker, THANKS GUYS

Answer 3

Sorry the children mean more to me than someone insulting me . If you walk away the onlyone loses is the children. All sides should be able to voice their opion and not worry about being attacked but im finding out differently . If you dont see it the way someone else does they attack . I think some people on here have issues they need to work out so they can grow into a adult or act like one . I respeck how they feel they need to respek how i feel.  

Answer 4

Sometimes, I wonder why I stay.  I suppose the questions I try to focus most of my time on surround international adoption and parenting to adoptees (international or otherwise).  I get tired of trying to present a more balanced view of IA.  Yes, corruption exists.  Yes, adoptive parents need to make sure they don't feed into it, financially or otherwise.  Yes, culture is important.  Yes, race is important.  Yes, international adoption CAN happen without coerced teenage "breeders" or babies being torn away from mothers.  

I don't support attacking people, period.  Trolls aside, everyone has a perspective and an opinion.  I may not agree, but I try to keep an open mind.  Lately, the "buzz" on this forum has been attacking adoptees.

Before that, it was attacking international adoptive parents.  Remember?  I didn't see post after post about respect back then?  Why not?  Oh, because some adoptees don't want to "tiptoe" around adoptive parents.  I guess we aren't entitled to the same respect that is being asked of us.  

I suppose I stay around because I do learn some things.  Sometimes, I even feel I contribute.  

Answer 5

I stay because I am a woman, and a mother and a mother of loss from a time period of horrific treatment to women. I stay because I want and deserve justice for myself and my 2 million sisters of loss.  I stay because I have 2 daughters and 3 daughters in law.  I stay because I have 5 granddaughters, and they will have daughters.   I stay because I have 4 sons.  I stay because I have 4 grandsons who will marry and/of have children.  I stay for the adopted adults who are my friend, and the mothers who are reuniting with their lost children and finding that the sacrifice that was forced on them, that sustained them through the years meant nothing.  I stay because those women are just finding out how much pain they had stuffed.  I stay because children are not property, God doesn't put them in the wrong tummy since the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and God doesn't work that way.  I stay because children, despite the promises to their mothers, didn't get a perfect life, just a different life.  I stay because I owe it to my children and my children's children to do everything in my power to insure that nothing like the EMS EVER happens again. I am here as a horrible example of the damage that can be done to mothers.  I could go on and on and on.....mostly, I am here because here I can be a voice for mothers who haven't yet found theirs.  

Sandy Young

SMAAC

Answer 6

if i left because someone insulted me about seeking my b-mom or wanting reforms. then they won and they will go on to attack another adoptee who wants a reunion or reforms in adoption.  

Answer 7

For the Children.  

  

Answer 8

I stay because while a lot of it is upsetting, it's also entertaining (sometimes) and enlightening (often) and affirming.  I am affirmed by being here as an adoptee, a social worker, and one working for reform -- and as many other 'roles' that I don't necessarily share publicly.

Hey, SG...you also need to use the 'spellcheck' function.  The word is "respect"...not "respeck".  Unless you mean something else...what is "respeck" exactly?  Are you going to 'paint' my opinion?  Or spackle it?

Answer 9

I stay to learn and to offer advice if, I think it is useful. I came to this forum, knowledgeable, of the AP view point, but clueless on the views of the adoptee's.

I now try to pick and choose what I answer, if I don't think I can contribute, I just read the answers.

There have been days when I have said, forget it. I'll answer what fast foods, I like better, Burger King or KFC, or what baby names are the cutest. But, I always return to see what is going on.  

Answer 10

There have been quite a few times I've asked myself this same question... and then a few AP's start sharing stories that make me so flippin happy, I feel like I'm going to explode!

Yesterday I asked a question about a truce in this part of Y!A... and some AP's talked about how they wouldn't have known what to look out for with the agencies or how certain issues could be harmful for their adopted children or certain issues that might arise.  It didn't change their minds about adoption.  But the anger and the hurt and the pain showed them how sometimes things go bad, and they were better equipped to help their own kids.  I can't describe how that made me feel... I'm so happy for those adopted kids to have such fabulous parents that care so much for them that they'd actually listen.

I'm not secure, lol, far from it.  And I have a rock awesome a-mom.  But one great parent in my life doesn't change the hurt and abuse and neglect I've suffered from my extended family... it doesn't change the fact that I'm confused about some issues coming up with my reunion.

I originally came on here for tips on how to find my f-mom without paying the government.  I stayed because there are still adoptees, f-parents, and adoptive parents that want advice and help and I think they can benefit from my experiences as much as I can benefit from others'.

Answer 11

Mei-Ling - I am one of the ones that wants to learn - thank you for your answer!  Yes some questions / answers upset me and I am sure that I upset a few people...but learning everyday!

Answer 12

To make sure future adoptive parents know the "other" side to adoption that is often swept under the rug.  Then and only then can they make an informed decision.

ETA: Responding to your additional details....

mental instability, they crave the drama and attention.

Answer 13

I stay to learn.

Answer 14

Because for every person that doesn't want to listen, there's usually another person, whether it be a lurker or a commenter, that's willing to learn.

You just never know.

ETA:

Mom to Foster Children and Autumn: Exactly. That's my point.

It's like on my blog. I know there are lots of lurkers who don't say a word. But judging from the comments I *do* get, there are people that have told me, "Thank you for making me think and reflect" and so I KNOW there are still people who really do want to learn.

And *I'd* rather be the target of an insult on here than have a new lurker come on, introduce themselves as an adoptee and then get attacked or be witness to a "guilt-trip" about doing a search for their biological parents.