Why do people take marriage so lightly ?

Question

i have come across a lot of questions and answers that made me think that people don t value marriage and family anymore . i mean what is the world coming to . as soon as a couple is having a problem the first they thing of is divorce. there are some questions here that not only are sad but the answers are even worst.they say things like kick him to the curb or go find another one . Marriage takes work and happiness doesnt come easy . if people get married just do get divorced , why do they even bother in the first place . i know you can never know what you re getting into but le s be real there is no happy perfect couple . everyone of them has their problem. so here is my question . is it just me or do somebody think the same thing?

Answer 1

Tamara it does appear at times that some folks look at their marriage as the rest of our society, as disposable.  Pretty d**n sad when the first little thing happens in a relationship and the answer is to end it rather than work on it.  In days past perhaps people stayed together the odd time for all the wrong reasons but at least they appeared to attempt to iron out differences and families were also involved in helping married folks stay together.  Just like most other things in life the circle will turn around and once again we shall see traditional family concerns and relationships return to be the norm in society.

Answer 2

People don't work on it any more I notice that to. There are some of us who take our vows serious I know I do. Yet at the same time you can't play the fool some of the women on here talk of abuse with husbands who wont get help and repeated infidelity these things are not acceptable.

Answer 3

Marriage is work! And it takes two people to work at it.

If one person decides that they do not want to work at it at all or if they are abusive then the other person is not required to stay and take the abuse or make it work on their own. And I say this not to be light of the issues but to reinforce the idea that we all deserve happiness and love.

Unfortunately a large majority of people get married for the wrong reasons to the wrong people. People are looking for too many shallow and meaningless qualities in a partner.

And no people do not value family and marriage anymore. In an age where no one is responsible for themselves and their actions how can you expect people to make a marriage work?

Answer 4

I agree with you...I see this happen all the time at my job, I work for an attorney and some of the stuff I see is crazy...A lot of marriages lasting less than a year and people not willing to do the work that a marriage takes...

Answer 5

I completely agree with you. It seems that nobody takes their marriage vows seriously anymore. They are a legal and binding contract between you, your spouse, and God - until death do you part, not until you want to quit.

I take my vows very seriously. I'm married until death excluding a few extenuating circumstances: He has cheated once, he does it again - I'm gone. If he becomes abusive. Or if he ever hurts our son. I cannot imagine that any of these will ever happen though!

Answer 6

You have to realize that a lot of the answers on here come from kids and from people who themselves have been hurt.  People often aren't giving help to the person asking the question so much as venting their own feelings.  You have to just take everything on here with a grain of salt.  I think ultimately most people value marriage and know it takes a lot of work when they are in it.

Answer 7

If someone is being abused or cheated on - the injured party has EVERY right to move on because there are too many dangers involved.

I do feel that alot of married people do throw in the towel too easily BUT  if it involves abuse and infidelity, I can understand the person moving on.

No one deserves to be abused or treated like a doormat and "marriage" does not give someone the license to do so.

Answer 8

From my own experience, I married the 1st time very young (19) i was also a raging alcoholic. I made a terrible mistake marrying so young and was divorced by the time i was 21.

I got married again at 33. I thought i was marrying someone who wanted to be with me. I  got a cheating, abusive lunatic, who was growing more violent everyday. I married a classic Dr.Jecklyl and Mr. Hyde. Everyday I lived in fear. I finally had enough and got me and my 2 and a half year old son out of there. Life has been a challenge, but i woudn't have it any other way.

I do very much want to be married, but I am unwilling to make the same mistakes. If God has a plan for me that includes marraige then fine, If not, I learned I am fine on my own.

As far as my second marriage goes, I wanted to get help, counselling, etc. My husband made it abundantly clear that he did not love me anymore. Then came the threats and controlling behavior. Then he began to throw things. I left before he took anything out on me or my son. I left to insure our safety.

i am also clean nearly 11 years now, so drugs and alcohol no longer cloud my judgment.

Answer 9

No one wants to work at a relationship anymore that is why. They are fed a load of bullwash about one true love, living happily ever after and

have no real conception of the amount of work it takes to keep a relationship strong. Also the current generation has seen their parents

divorce and remarry and move in with people and there is no stigma against divorce anymore so why not do it. It is easier to divorce someone then try and make the relationship work. What amazes me

is the number of people who live together and then marry and then divorce. Statistics show that if you live together before marriage you are more likely to divorce than people who do not live together. This

business of 'well living together is a good idea because then  you really know the person' again is bullwash. I think people think that if their relationship is rocky getting married will help. Same with people who think that having a baby will make their relationship better.To me

is is just stupid and irresponsible.

Answer 10

People are rushing into marriage with the beleive that if they don't like it, there is always divorce.

This is not a reason to  get married because this believe makes it feel more casual. It makes marriage seem less serious and strict, when in reality it is very serious and there should be guidelines you should follow( I>E respect your spouse an ddon't cheat on him/her..etc).

This is why people are not taking marriage as seriously as they once have, and why the divorce rate is rising. Old morals are gone and replaced with new "morals".

Answer 11

I feel the only time you should walk away from a marriage is when Cheating and Abuse are involved. Anything else we can work through because that's what you do when you truly love someone.  marriage is a lifelong committment But when one party is cheating they are breaking that committment therefore terminating the marriage.  

Answer 12

AMEN! :-)  Yes, I totally 100% agree with you.  I think people romanticize the idea of marriage.  Hey, I did it too when I first got married.  I was 18 and I thought it was all abou the happiness.  Uh, no it wasn't! *LOL*  It was work--lots of hard work.  You cease to be yourself, you have to start thinking about the feelings of your spouse.  When you both want things that are totally opposite of each other and compromise is not physically possible, then one of you has to give up their position, and sometimes that will be you.  I just read a post yesterday from someone who admitted to getting married too early (a huge mistake in most relationships!) and that her husband didn't make her laugh anymore, but this man at work DID make her laugh.  Her thought?  I guess to replace the husband with this funny guy at work.  I wrote her that he's going to have his problems as well, and that she's going to find a better guy when she's with him...and that she's just not ready for marriage.

I think people go in thinking that marriage will be dating, only better.  People always pressure people to be married like it's a badge of honor.  Nope, it's a rough road, and lots of people don't think it is.  You know how you live with your parents and siblings and it's hard but you do it when you're young because you have no choice?  Marriage is the same way.  You love the person, but he/she can get on your nerves.  Too bad--you just have to live with it!  The one thing I won't tolerate is any type of abuse...physical or psychological.

Answer 13

ok, so reading these answers makes me laugh, cuz everyone just justified this question.  i TOTALLY agree with you.  marriage does take work, happily married couples that have been married for YEARS doesn't just happen overnight.  i've been married for over 16 years and trust me we have had our ups and our downs, and if we got a divorce for every "down" that we had we would have been divored 100 times at least.

thanks for the question

Answer 14

It's not that people take marriage lightly, It's just hard to judge people's problems by what they write online, they might just be venting or actually looking for help. We're not therapists or psychologists, so no one should seriously consider every answer that's posted to a question, they are people's opinions and advice. I swear yahoo should create an disclaimer stating that no one on yahoo answers is a marriage councilor.

Answer 15

Tamara..  we're not that serious..   we're half joking, so don't take everything you read on here as fact.

lot's of people on here are in it for the laughs... lol  

Answer 16

Are you married? If so how long?

I don't think that it's simply that people take marriage lightly, yes there are some people who rush marriage or do it for the wrong reason. There are also marriages that simply derail.

It is very easy to say marriage takes work. It's true, but one spouse can't force the other one to make an effort. I am speaking from personal experience. I have been with my husband for 10+ years, married for 7. I got married because I loved my husband and could not not imagine my life without him. Our relationship was not perfect, but who's is? I thought my love for him would get us through anything and I was willing to put my heart and soul into making it work. I knew marriage took work and I was prepared to work my a** off.

What I was not prepared for was that my husband would become so controlling that I am not allowed to do anything without him. Something as simple as coffee with my girlfriends is not allowed unless he gives me permission. When he does give permission it is that they may come to my house while he is at work. I was not prepared to be called  humiliating and demeaning names. I was not prepared for his verbal and emotional abuse.  I was not prepared for him to try to alienate me from my family. I have tried as hard as I could possibly try to make this a happy marriage over the years. I have had people look at me and ask why  I was still with him? I begged for marriage counselling. His response was that he doesn't need counselling. He doesn't have a problem, if I would just do what I'm told, he would treat me better. I can't make him change and I can't force him to get counselling. His doctor told him a couple of years ago that he needed anger management and his response to the doctor was it was my fault he looses his temper. Why am I still married? Because I did take my vows

seriously and I am still trying to make this marriage work.

I don't think you can judge how seriously people take marriage until you know the entire story and no matter how detailed the question, you will not know everything.