Why do people thing cause they are adults they have the right to say whatever they want to someone elses child

Question

Say a 3 year old is misbehaving in front of guests. His mother is trying to go about correcting him in the way SHE feels neccessary. One of the guests starts saying stuff like, "you better listen to your mother," ect. It's mostly people from a diffrent generation, and those people really annoy me. I belive that children should be taught to respect both adults and other children,and they should also be respected. I would never allow another adult just because they are there to scold my child like an animal. I would never use the word "scold" either. They should be punished, but with respect and not anger.

Answer 1

i have no idea why people do this, it like just because they are younger then anyone has a right to tell them what to do. I normally shout back at any adult that tries to disipline my children, that normally puts them in their place.

Answer 2

when someone wants to stick thier nose into my business i just tell them listen its my kid not yours and i dont want to hear your comments. i had an aunt that liked to boss my kids around when i was right there. well she finally really crossed the line and smacked my son! i lost it and went after her. needless to say we dont talk because she feels she did nothing wrong. you have to put your foot down and tell the people nicely at first to stay out of it if that doesnt work be a little more harsh about it. if you dont do something now they will continue forever.

Answer 3

I think that if a child is being disrespectful or unruly, other adults have every right to say something to the child. Some parents take the "don't tell me how to raise my child" thing WAY too far. For example, a friend of my mother once took her 2-year-old son and 3-month-old twin daughters to the home of another woman, who also had a two-year-old son. Well, this other boy was completely out of control; he hit the son first, then started hitting the infant girls! When my mom's friend said, "Tyler, don't hit!", the other mother literally said, "How DARE you try to discipline my child?!" Now, this is obviously a little on the crazy side, but you get what I mean. It really does take a village to raise a child, and all children need to learn that their parents are not the only people who have authority over them. Yes, children deserve respect, but I don't think asking mutual respect from them is treating them "like an animal."

Answer 4

I would never get onto someone elses kid. Just because i am a adult doesnt give me a right to talk ot a kid without respect. Thats very rude of someone to but in and get onto someones kid. I never deal with problems with kids i would always go to the parent and let them deal with their kids.

Answer 5

I have a lot of trouble with this as well.

It's just they feel like they're older and wiser, and have much better input. They know the "tried and true" ways, while you're still learning.

My point is this.

Obviously, you're never going to cause harm to your baby, you're a first time mother, or a second time mother. But you have your methods, they have theirs.

I'm glad that theirs worked, but now it's time to prove that yours can as well. :)

That's what I always tell people who attempt to scold my child for me, or tell me how I should be raising him.

No. This is my child, my husband and I will raise him the best way we can. When we ask for advice, it'll be appreciated. If we don't, back off. :)

Answer 6

I think they probably do it because kids respond to strangers well, especially when they know they are being watched by others. At least this has been my experience with my son. It doesnt bother me, the only thing that bothers me is when people try to tell me that I'm doing something wrong with my own child. Also, many older people probably have the mentality of "it takes a village to raise a child" and think they are just helping

Answer 7

I for the most part agree with you. I wouldn't want some random person chiming in when I am trying to deal with an issue. That said, my older son, sometimes is so into whatever he is doing at the moment, that someone else (usually an uncle he loves or grandparent) will say... hey, you need to listen to your mom... and snap he is back. I think he gets so used to my voice he just tunes me out sometimes :) It isn't something that happens often, but sometimes it is nice to have someone else remind him that he needs to listen to me. Otherwise it is just me saying it. But I wouldn't be okay with someone who didn't love my children trying to say something, although I am sure they have good intentions :)

Answer 8

I know most of the time when this occurs they are only trying to help but I agree with you, it's not their place. Other instances are when I tell my child not to do something and someone cuts in, "Oh, that's alright, I don't mind." Well, you know what, I mind if my child acts that way.

*Although, my boys are old enough to be out on their own now so I don't mind someone TELLING them they can't do something if they know my kids are going to either get hurt, hurt someone else, or damage something.

Answer 9

That's really hard.  You probably don't want to hurt thier feelings but your interest is to take care of your child and protect him/her.

Maybe a reason why these other adults chime in, they think they are being helpful because they love you and want your child to respect you and show love to you too. But, It is NOT their place to do so.  You  can say something like: "I'll handle this..."  Then you can explain in a private conversation with that person, "I don't want anyone to interfere.  It doesn't help me when you intervene.  please let me be the parent. We'll handle this and reach a solution on our own". "it undermines my authority when you say things like 'listen to your mother'."    

It's so annoying and frustrating when people do this! I know!  Especially the older generation...in my experience they think that being stern and laying down the law in an insensitive way is the right way to demand proper behavior.  

Just keep doing what you are doing.  Yes, older generations do have wisdom that they have learned, but you need to be the ultimate authority with your child. You know your child more than anyone else.  It would be wise to take some tips but again you know your child and know what works and what doesn't.

Answer 10

Because there are way too many permissive parents these days and many kids are out of control. I just hate it when I'm visiting somewhere or someone is visiting me and her little brat starts showing off or acting naughty and nothing is done about it. I don't want my home damaged; I don't want to be interrupted when I'm having a conversation with someone; I don't want some naughty kid giving my kid bad ideas. If the child isn't minding his mother when she admonishes him, I would definitely tell the child to stop whatever he or she is doing. If the parent doesn't like it, she has a choice: she can suck it up and respect my wishes in my home or she can leave. Simple.

ETA: I am a mature adult, thank you. Mature enough to realize that some children need discipline and if their parents aren't going to supply it, someone else should! Tell me: have you never met a child you consider to be a brat? I find it difficult to believe that you haven't. And I NEVER said my child is perfect! Please reread my response. I said that when my son is naughty, he gets punished. Please pay attention.

Answer 11

I dont think "you better listen y=to your mother" is disrespectful, and its usually the older generation that does it, they know that  a child usually listens better to someone else then they do to their parents, they arent ( most of them) trying to be mean or rude, i just wouldnt say anything at all, or id  say,  now looky there (name) youve acted  up so bad now OTHER people are getting annoyed......it works, ive seen parents do it.

Answer 12

Don't forget sometimes children listen to other adults better than their own parent! I am happy for other people to help teach my son the right way to behave, especially if we are in their company either in public or private. Other people "scolding" him as you put it does help him to respect adults and other people and makes him think about how his behaviour looks to others. Its the best lesson he could learn!!

Answer 13

Excellent post Devine!

As someone who has worked with children for years, I can honestly say that sometimes supportive comments like "listen to your mother" can really help the child think about how he/she behaves in public.

The WORST misbehaved children are parents who ALWAYS think that they are right about raising them. If the parent has a snotty attitude, then chances are you will run into a misbehaved child.

Answer 14

I agree with you.

The exception that I make is in public spaces where older kids seem to be running free without their parents around.  It's amazing how many 10 y.o.s you'll see on a public playground - thundering on the equipment while my 3 y.o. is trying to climb up to use the sliding board.  If I think my child or other small children are in danger, I'll say, "Hey, guys, can you be careful?  The little kids need to play here, too."

But in my home?  My husband's aunt loves to try to discipline our son.  Makes me CRAZY.  She tries to insist he hold her hand when we walk places, tries to tell him how to behave at the table.  Honestly, I've never figured out a good way to bring it up directly.  Instead, I usually look at *her* and say, "Oh, don't worry, we walk here every day, and I don't make him hold my hand."  Or, "Thanks, but that's not our rule."  

Or I let him get out of the situation.  I ask him if he's finished eating, and if he says yes, I tell him he can go play.  Sometimes I use it as an excuse to get out of the situation myself, because really, I could scream.

I do think that some people forget that kids aren't miniature adults.  Sure, we need to enforce rules and teach respectful, polite behavior.  But in an age-appropriate, constructive fashion.  And kids are easily thrown by guests and *know* they're being watched.

So ... you're completely right, and your guest is completely wrong.  But I think your best bet is to intervene in the moment by addressing your guest directly and firmly.

And then let them talk about you behind your back.  :)

Answer 15

1.) I understand your question and concern, however you scenario was not a good example. And as that child gets older you will begin to wish that others would back you up and say things like "You better listen to your Mother"

2.) Like i said, i understand your question and agree to a point. However I will say that I will indeed say whatever i want to any child or adult that is mis-behaving under my roof. As in a guest in MY house. My parents have a ton of events & functions at their home, and you do not want to be the kid that is running around and mis-behaving and as Mamma Mac will lay -down the LAW!