Why do people think it's ok to physically punish their children?

Question

The evidence against corporeal punishment is overwhelming. So why do some parents insist on 'my way, or the high way', or when 'when I say jump you say 'how high?'.

That is what is truly sickening. I really feel for these families. Parents who think their disiplining methods are healthy and traditional. I bet if you did a study, you would find that many of these same parents are the ones that would disown their own children for being g*y or L*****n or have a big problem with it in some way.

Ä° just don't get it.

There's no reason to be rude.

Answer 1

Spankings have worked for centuries.  Most kids who were spanked are very productive adults now.  I fit in that category.  There are no negative effects when spanking is used properly.

The ones beaten half to death, that's another story.

Then there are the parents who refuse to spank, but do time outs, take away computer priveleges, etc. and Heaven knows so many of these kids are disrespectful to authority.  They are taught that they don't get much in the way of punishment, so punishment is a joke to them.  These same parents are the ones who brag about how well behaved their kids are.

Answer 2

What evidence? The stuff you read from "child experts" with no children themselves? No.

I have your evidence. I was spanked and never got in a fist fight, never been suspended, never cussed my parents out and told them "I don't have to listen to you!", never been scared of them. etc. etc. etc. There is a difference between spanking and beating, kicking, punching, throwing into walls, raping, molesting, etc. etc. etc. If you can't see the difference, then there is no help for you. A spanking is a swat or two on the rear.

My friend was never spanked, only given time outs and guess what? He talks to his mother the way he pleases, hits her, etc.

So which has the worst effect?

And no, I am not the kind of parent to disown my child for being L*****n or homosexual. I have a best friend and aunt who are both homosexual, so I know how it is for people to disown them. But thanks for your "studies"! :)

You parent the way you think is right. And let everyone else do the same. Just because someone doesn't agree with you doesn't make them wrong or bad.

Answer 3

My mum is a bit 'ding dong' in the head, and since about 4 till around 11 she made my life h**l.

I'm 14 now,and if she ever laid a finger on me again i'd walk out the door and never return.

I told her she made my life h**l + everything and it's obvious she can't face up to what a ***** she was.

But you know what?

Life goes on, and i'm making the most of mine.

Answer 4

     As a child, my mother always tried to sit down and talk to me, reason with, or redirect my attention when I would be misbehaving. However, I would knowingly continue misbehaving until I would receive a spanking. That is when I would straighten up. I was never abused un anyway and today I am very thankful for the many spankings that I received.

     I now have a younger sibling to be 7 (There is a 15 year difference in our age). For her, a spanking is a rare occasion. She back talks, hits, screams, and defies my parents. Talking to her is out of the question- she screams in your face and runs off. Time out lasts for 5 seconds then she is up doing exactly what she was told she couldn't do. The only thing that corrects her behavior is a spanking-which she rarely gets.

     My point is that every child and parent are different. What works for one may not work for another. Spanking your child- a slap on the butt or a pop on the hand are one thing, whereas spanking your child out of anger or slapping them multiple times is abuse. I am all for reasoning, outsmarting, redirecting attention, whatever you can do. But sometimes that does not work. My fear is that my sister will grow up to be that teen that gets into drugs and is verbally abusive to her parents.

    So that is my spill- everyone is entitled to an opinion.

Answer 5

I agree with you. I was mildly spanked as a child and was frightened of my parents. Nothing permanently damaging, but why "rule by fear"?

I don't understand how hitting and spanking are different if you "spanked" a adult when they where annoying you  it would be hitting, if not assault,  this is also true if children hit other children or adults, yet hitting a child is called spanking?

And discipline means to teach not to punish. Most high school shooters where abused or neglected, it wasn't just that their parents didn't spank.

Answer 6

I spank my son and see no problem with it.  Its a form of discipline when used right, not abuse.  I was spanked as a child and I am a very happy person.  I think that some parents do spank when they are still angry which I think is wrong.  What drives me crazy is all the liberal hippies out there who are afraid to discipline their child at all and they become little monsters who if they don't get their own way throw tantrums because they know nothing will happen.  It's just ridiculous in my opinion

Answer 7

And yet another one has fallen to being brainwashed by those so called experts. If the evidence is so much then explain this to me. Ever since corporal punishment has become "bad" Society has become more violent and has deteriorated. Crime rates have gone up and many crimes are committed by young adults and teenagers. Why is that? It is Ok to physically punish your children. Pretty much all of those so called evidence you see are so called correlation studies. I don't know if you know what that means but if you don't look it up on google. So really there is no evidence. I am not talking about physical/emotional abuse which does leave marks (physical as well as psychological). Oh and by the way ever since the 60s and 70s mental abuse has skyrocketed.  

Answer 8

I completley agree w/ you, not only that but studies show that these kids end up having severe mental promblems.

Answer 9

I've seen so many cases where the parents just spank the child on the but and then leave them to cry while telling them "well then listen next time or it will be worse".  I hear parents say they do it "out of love", but how is that love?  I think it takes more love and patience to sit down with a child, and explain to them, at their level what they did was wrong until they understand it.  Sure, that takes a while and they may not get it the first time, but that's because they are children, they are learning.

My nephew was spanked as a child and it got to the point that he feared his father.  They would ask him to come over and talk to them and he would cower.  They say they spanked because of the "spare the rod spoil the child" verse in the Bible.  

My older sister was also spanked a lot and went through horrible rebellion in her teen years where she would beat on anyone who didn't give her her own way.  As an adult she has now had to take anger management classes and has had many failed relationships which she  blames my parents for because they taught her that you demand respect, not earn it.  

I have not and will not take that chance with my children.  I am capable of punishing them in other ways.  What works for some does not work for all.

Answer 10

Im going to be hated for what i say, i already know, but what the heck... I DONOT spank my child, i put her in the cornor or make her sit on the couch and not move when she is in trouble, and you know what? She does not listen to a word i say in public.. My husband on the other hand spanks her when she does something seriously bad that will hurt herself or others and she listens to him perfectly, and if u think its outa fear you are wrong because she would rather be with her daddy than mommy any day.. You would think it would be the other way around because i dont lay my hands on her, but no.. she respects him and i as a child was spanked and im fine, not self esteem problems or mental break downs, i just cant bring myself to raise my hand to her, which is why i dont.. But to those who think its wrong, and are giving people h**l about it, then u obviously have NO children or are a child and is just mad that your parents correct you.. quit getting into the lives of others and mind your own.. I wish that all you people who think spanking is wrong and look down on people who do, spend time with a spoiled rotten kid that throws fits in public screams at you and even hits/kicks you.. then u might just think different!

Answer 11

Do you mean hitting the child with a strap or something because if you do mean that then i think its sick it has to stop but parents do it because they wanna show there child who's boss.The parents also do it to the child maybe because they not behaving but the parents should sit down and talk with the kids no matter what

Answer 12

I agree with you. I persoanlly do not agree with CP. I have 4 well behaved boys who have never been spanked. They are 13, 13, 11 and 8.

I think the strangest thing is the people who say they use it as a last resort. So what if that doesn't work? There is no last resort in parenting, that's ridiculous. There are always ways to get children to do what you want if you are creative. Adults should be smart enough to outsmart a child. I think mostly it's ignorance. People are afraid their kids will be badly behaved and they don't know what else to do so they spank. People should do some research and learn that there are alternatives. Spanking is only one choice of punishment and it's not punishment that creates well behaved children, it's good parenting.

There is no difference between spanking and hitting.

spanking = raising your hand and bringing it down on someone.

hitting =  raising your hand and bringing it down on someone

I love how people try to make what they do to their children sound better by trying to claim spanking and hitting are not the same thing.

Answer 13

If a kid is flinching when someone moves their hand, or not able to look their parents in the eye THEY ARE BEING ABUSED NOT SPANKED! Seriously, spanking does not cause kids to have low self esteem. I was spanked and so was my brother and we are perfectly rounded kids. Spankings, when done correctly, are actually a good form of discipline. For example: My mom only spanked us when we were doing something that could have hurt us or other people. Like running out into a busy street or playing with fire. Quit trying to tell people how to raise their children!

Answer 14

Look up when spanking and the "lowering their self-esteem" movement started...here a tip, it'll be by Dr. Spock.  Then add around 17 years to that date for that generations children to grown into teenagers.  That will be about the time that high school shootings started taking place and we started losing our grip of control over the anarchy that goes on in this country today.

The negative effects of stopping an occassional / last resort spanking seems obvious to me.  

My daughter gets a little swat on her bottom when nothing else seems to work or have the desired affect on those days that she's feeling sassy or defiant that all kids have...and my daughter is a very happy kid, has a great attitude, good manners, very popular among her friends and her teachers in her preschool, etc.  Megan meets the eye of anyone she comes in contact with and asks very disarming, honest questions that can only come from someone who lives without fear.

You may feel that you have your proof...but never forget that those on the other side of your topic have their proof as well.  And my beautiful proof is walking into the room right now...so I have to go.  Hope I answered your question.

Take good care. :)

EDIT: My daughter's playing with our puppy, Nissa, so I wanted to sign on again because I'd like to also point out that children that aren't spanked still live "in fear" of things like time out and toys being taken away.  They live in fear of making their parents mad or disappointed.  All children live in fear of punishment, it's kind of the point...it keeps them in line.  My daughter is just as afraid of having something taken away or being put in time out (which is the first thing I try when she's naughty) as she does of getting a swat on the bottom.

I swat her with my hand...so I feel it, too, and know how hard it is and can make sure it isn't too hard.  I talk to her before hand...I NEVER just grab her and swat her bottom without warning, out of anger.  I tell her what she did, how many times, what I've tried (talking to her, giving more attention, taking away toys, time outs, etc.) and how that didn't work, that she's still acting naughty/doing the infraction and that is why she has to get a swat.  Then I swat her.  Afterwards I talk to her some more and say that I know that hurt and it hurt my heart to do it but that it hurt my heart that she wasn't listening too.  I hold her and tell her that I love her and that I want the rest of our day to be good and that we can decide to start listening and have a good day.  She's SO cooperative in those talks, nods her head yes, says she understands, stops crying pretty fast, tells me she loves me too, hugs me back, etc.  Then I put her down, we walk into the kitchen, she "takes her attitude out" (by grabbing at her chest and "holding it") and we throw the bad attitude in the garbage.  The she "turns on" her listening ears...sound affects and all...and we walk out of the kitchen.  A mother and her well-adjusted, better attitude having daughter...and we have a better day from that point forward.  It does work, y'all.  And it doesn't have to be a negative thing.  I do use it as a last resort..but we actually leave the 'situation' feeling closer.

I guess that is all I wanted to say.  I am SO close with my daughter.  (Take a look at the only question I've ever asked on this site...)  She's closer to me than with her father, who doesn't really spank her.  I am her mother/in charge/boss...but I am also who she considers her best friend, her safe person that she tells everything to...I adore her and she does me.  If spanking occassionally were bad then I just can't imagine we'd have the relationship that we do.

I also think it's interesting that the question specifies that they're talking about the children who show negative affects from spanking...which are children whose parents are obviously not using this form of punishment correctly, I have to believe...so it seems clear that the person asking this also knows it isn't always bad...?

Anyway...good luck to all.  We're all just doing the best that we can, afterall. ;)

Answer 15

There is absolutely nothing wrong with physical punishment at all! After the age of around 12 it's inappropriate, at that point restrictions should be place if a child is misbehaving. Otherwise a quick slap on th butt should do the child no harm at all. Physical punishment is what rings clearly to a child, not just saying" oh well, don't do that honey". I know that you all will probably give me a thumbs down for this but go ahead. Children need to be controlled, and I'm not talking about the ones who listen, etc,etc. I'm talking about the ones who talk back, hit their parents, scream, make scenes in stores, etc.

Answer 16

I don't physically punish my children.

I have never laid a hand on any of them and never will.

The concept sickens me.

Answer 17

Overwhelming evidence? Please. Spanking has worked for generations, scratch that - centuries. Now your seeing the negative effects of NOT SPANKING. Take a look at today's youth. That's all I got to say.

Answer 18

I think that physically punishing children should be illegal. What if you were that kid, would you like to be physically punished?

Answer 19

So it's ok to be rude to those that follow Judeo-Christian beliefs?  

(Talk about the pot calling the kettle black).

Now I'll admit that there are some people that have no place utilizing corporal punishment, and I think it all boils down to this...

If you don't know the difference between "spanking" and "hitting", then you are not qualified to properly utilize corporal punishment.

Answer 20

i think people should be at least a liitle physical at times with there children a smack on the butt of hand or even mouth isnt that bad .. sometimes just yelling at your kids isnt enough to get the point across so they do not do it agian. have you ever watched nanny 911 those kids have prolly never been hit and never wiil be buts that how they got like that.. you should have a punish reward system with your children or they will never learn then the children will think they can get whatever they want and do whatever they feel like cuz the parents wont have any control.