Why do people think it is wrong to have children before marrige?

Question

I've just had an ear bashing from two individuals who think I am "Wrong" for having a child and not being married to the father. It's not against the law is it? I live in the UK and am 25. Surely its my decision whether or not I chose to marry this man?

Answer 1

We live in a century where this should not matter about marriage before or after kids. People do need to realise that as society has changed opinions have too. The sooner this is realised the better. At the end of the day whether or not you are married does not make any difference on how the children will be bought up. Sometimes marriage is not the best thing for many women or men.  

Answer 2

Hi GlasgowGirl

I'm also from Glasgow - 21 and 6 months pregnant and have been with my boyfriend for years and have lived with him for 2 years!

Was on the bus coming home from work the other day and got a lecture in front of the whole bus from an old witch about how if there is no ring on my finger I should be ashamed of myself!

I say they think it's wrong because it gives them a reason to moan!

.........................................

Just want to say that because someone has a baby out of marriage does not mean no contraception was used!  

Marriage also doesn't mean the child has a better chance of being brought up with 2 parents as look at the amount of divorces in this world today - I can see why it would have made a difference years ago but generally marriage today doesn't have the same lifespan as marriage then!

EDIT

Because I have a baby but am not married doesn't mean "I want to have a baby with someone I don't want to spend the rest of my life with"

Making assumptions is a horrible thing to do!

Answer 3

Because they think people may think they have more of a chance of splitting up.

Answer 4

yup your desicion, but some times its for religions reasons and some people think its just morally wrong.

tbh i dont really mind what ppl do as long as they bring that kid up to be a great human being.

Answer 5

i assume people believe that if youre married before you have a child that means your ready, and prepared, and if your not then you dont have you life figured out and are like..not ready. Its jsut how msot poeple think, i think:|! goood luck

Answer 6

I think it is better to be married because it creates more stability for the child (if the parents are in a good relationship).

Two heads are better than one. Two parents can provide more than one. Two sets of eyes can catch more than one. There IS strength in numbers.

So why get married as long as there are two of you? Legal contract.

It makes it harder to walk away. There is a greater deal of accountability. It's government recognized, so the gov't can help you search him down if he bails for some reason.

But you are correct, it IS your decision.

Answer 7

Wrong question. It's like asking "Why do people think it is wrong to have an STD before marriage?"

The accurate question is "why do people think it wrong to have s*x before marriage?" If you don't have s*x before marriage, you "usually" won't get pregnant or have std's [before] marriage.  

Answer 8

Women have been dropping sprogs since before marriage was ever thought of and will continue to do so.Its their choice and their burden or joy,depending on the circumstances.

Answer 9

The child has a right to have a mommy and a daddy that both want a child.  

Answer 10

Firstly - I am not speaking from a religious perspective and I do not believe weddings need to cost a lot - that is not the point. However it is my belief that you should get married before having a child because:

1) If you do not have enough confidence in a man to marry him (which can be dissolved fairly easily) why choose him as a father of your child

2)If you not have enough confidence in your relationship to get married then why bring a child into it

3)If you are living as a couple (particularly if you stay at home to raise your family or are not the main breadwinner) then you and your children are financially vulnerable should the relationship break up, as you do not have the legal protection marriage offers.

-if you are unmarried what you pay for is yours, this could mean the house

-if you are unmarried a court is legally unable to consider  liability for child maintenance at the same time as any division of assets

-if you are unmarried a court is not able to consider your contribution to the home (& family) when dividing assets

4)Surname difficulties (though deed poll can get around this)

5)Next of kin rights - for your partner and vice versa

6)Inheritance tax and probate generally

These are just a few reasons off the top of my head.

Whilst I believe that you should get married before you have a child I would never seek to abuse/victimise/discriminate against either the parents or children of unmarried parents.

Tell the people who had a go at you to get lost - it is ultimately your choice!

Answer 11

Having a baby before marriage usually isn't the issue its having a baby out of wedlock and having s*x before your married which is a religious belief. That's usually why people think its wrong.

Mainly having s*x before your married, which is what you have to do to have a baby.

Answer 12

Because it's against their Christian values & or possibly because their is no strong commitment.  If there was a strong commitment (through sickness & health, poverty & wealth, till death do us part, love honor cherish & obey) if not strong. . .i'd at least say it's not as strong of a commitment as marriage.  In marriage you're making a choice for you, your husband & the future for you child or children by that particular person.  

Also today's parents aren't just like how they used to be.  I'm not sure how it is in the UK but a lot of parents could careless about how their kid is raised.  

Having kids is a bigger commitment then marriage i think.  If it's marriage. . .you can allways divorce.  If you have a baby mama you have a tie to that person if they are actively involved in their son's life.

*EDITED*

Ask yourself would you want to have a baby by someone that you aren't thinking of being with for the rest of your life?  If the answer is no then you should use every possible resource to ensure that you don't have any children.  

18 years doesn't go by in the blink of an eye & now it's harder. . .boomerang kids ever heard of them?

Answer 13

I too have a son and am not married to the father. I feel that a child is more to us than marriage and i would rather go on holiday with my family and have nice things at home than spend that money on a wedding that i feel is unecessary when we are binded by a child rather than a peace of paper especially as i am not religious. People that say marrage before children often don't have any children themselves i have also been told the same as u and i just think u don't no anything about me or my situation

Answer 14

It is probably a religious thing which has passed into popular culture.  I think it is becoming much more acceptable than it used to be.

Answer 15

Your little kid is a b*****d through no fault of its own.

True, it's your choice to marry him or not but it was also your choice not to use contraception with a man you knew you weren't going to marry.

Answer 16

The main reason people may feel this way is because marriage is SUPPOSED to be a life long commitment. Therefore the child has a BETTER chance of growing up with the privilege of having both parents to take care of him. And trust me, I'm so grateful that I don't have to raise my kids "alone." It's hard enough with two parents. Kudos to the single parent moms and dads out there making it work.

Answer 17

You slept with a guy as an unmarried woman which basically means your a s**t.

In certain cultures, you would have been viewed as having no morals.

Answer 18

Because so many people like you have chosen not to listen to God or have good morals. It's not your fault. You are being raised in an ignorant time when you listen to your hormones and not your heart. True morally strong people would never have your kind of dilemma. Like I said, not your fault, its just that so many of you humans don't consider God in your actions. Just sad really.