Why do people think it`s so bad for a separated woman...?

Question

To think about dating? I have been separated over a year, I HAVE tried to reconcile, but he ended up leaving (again) to go live with his new mistress. He is still with her, 8 months later, got her pregnant, want to marry her, etc... (we are far from divorced).

So why is it, after HE cheated, after I tried to renconcile, that people think it's wrong if I start dating? I have sole custody of my child, he is my number one priority, but still.. I'm human, over my ex, and want to move on, what is it so wrong? My ex is delaying the divorce proceedings, I DO want to be divorced, but he's makaing it hard and expensive for me.. So, with all that.. Why would it be wrong for me to start dating, but it's not wrong for him to do so, and to go as far as getting the girl pregnant and asking her to marry him?

Answer 1

He is wrong and so are you if you start dating. It is not fair to the next guy you date. No matter what your husband is doing he still is your husband and you're his wife. That is why some people think that it is wrong. You are human and if you want to date then do that. Don't worry about what people think.  

Answer 2

It's not wrong and it's really none of their business.  As long as you are taking care of you and your child, nothing else matters.  Date, have fun, and don't worry about what other people think.

Answer 3

im totally with you on this one. it sounds to me like you've done everything you can and personally, if i were you, i'd tell all those people who think it's so wrong for you to date to just shove off and mind their own business.

stop thinking of what others might think and just go for it. you know that you deserve whatever happiness you can get and what right do they have to think it's wrong for you to start dating again?

hope everything works out for the best for you.  

Answer 4

You just need to stop worrying about what other people think and go for it.  

Answer 5

Nothing is wrong with it except some men are reluctant to date someone who is "far from divorced", because technically you are still a married woman and not being divorced just gives you more baggage and drama for someone to deal with. Aside from that factor, I wouldn't worry about what people say about you dating, it is none of anybodys business. You have the right to get on with your life, but you won't really get too far with anyone until you are actually divorced. But good luck.

Answer 6

start dating sweetie and do not worry about what others think.  You need to make YOU happy not others.  There is no law stating you cannot date while separated.  I started dating someone in the midst of my divorce and no one said a word bc I was extremely happy and this one I have now he is a gift that landed on my doorstep without warning.  So go for it sweetie get out there and worry about you not what others say if you are ready than do it.  

People think its bad bc those are the ones who dont believe in divorce or are blinded by reality.  The world is sexist men can do it but women can't.

Answer 7

Loss of income and loneliness.

Answer 8

Who says it wrong? I'd say go on ahead with your life under those circumstances. Who cares what other people think about YOUR situation? You only have one life to live. You dedicated yourself to your marriage and now it's over. It's time for you to do you.

Your husband can't get married to his new girlfriend either. I'll bet money that he's holding things up to keep from getting married. I know a whole lot of guys who use that they're still married to get from getting married, when the girlfriend tries to demand a committment from them. He asked her to marry him but if he was serious about it, he'd be just as eager to get a divorce so that he could. He probably just asked her to avoid the conversation of, "when are we going to get married? " There would be no reason for him to hold things up if he's all that content in his situation. I've seen this happen a number of times.  

Answer 9

Do what you want, when you want to do it.  We don't have to live with your decisions.  You do.  Do what you think is best.

Answer 10

It isnt wrong, the relationship was between you and him, people are always going to be quick to judge and say theire little two cents, just because they think they KNOW, how things are between you, dont let them have that control, your  husband is being selfish and childish and rude. So he can just as quickly up and marry/start a new life with someone, but doesnt want to close the chapter in your lives together, whats his deal? he needs to give you what you need, ( to finish the divorce) and the two of you can move on.

People are always going to talk because your life is more interesting than theres.

No one can tell you when you cant and when is too soon to begin dating someone else, remember that any relationship is between the two people that are in it and no one else.

keep your head up, this will pass..

Answer 11

As long as it is truly over with your ex, there's nothing wrong with dating and getting on with your life.  You really should go for it.

If things are as you describe them, he sounds like a jerk.  Why is he delaying the divorce?  Something financial?

Answer 12

I think once he got another woman pregnant, you were pretty free to do whatever the h**l it is you want to do.

Answer 13

Because you're still married and that is a mental roadblock for many people. They won't take you seriously. They'll just consider you a fling who hasn't cleaned up her life. QUALITY men won't want to get involved with you, but losers/users will.

Your husband is a loser- why lower yourself to his level?

Answer 14

It just takes some time. I understand its a painful situation. Since you have been separated for over a year, it sounds like a good time to think about dating. That is normal. If that's what your gut is telling you, then you should go for it. Good luck.

Answer 15

Simply because you have custody of your child, and you need to put him first. Wait til the divorce is final OR when your child is 18, whichever comes first.

You chose this man as a husband and father of your child - you need TIME and some relationship autopsy work to get through this, and not continue to be so resentful. Your child has been through enough.

Answer 16

Honey, there is NOTHING wrong with it. I would explain my situation to you, but it would sound exactly like your story. I was separated for a year and a half before our divorce was final. I started dating again after we'd been separated for a year. You are no longer a married woman as far as you're concerned, and really, you're the only one who matters ... and your son, of course.

I'm still with the first man I dated after my separation, by the way, so you never know what you might be missing out on by "waiting til the divorce is final." s***w that cheating ****** and have a happy life, babe!

Answer 17

Gosh that is horrible. I would be so frustrated, well there really are no words to describe how you feel but I will say I am sorry but remember, what goes around does come around so in time he will get what he deserves. As for people saying you are wrong for dating, that is so not true! You deserve someone better and you deserve to be happy! Do not let anyone tell you otherwise because only you know whats best for you and your life and you can't have anyone else be telling you anything different. Get a lawyer to finalize and demand he sign the papers, I think that will be the only way for it to be done is for you to go the next step. Get your divorce, find someone who loves you for what you are and move on...good luck and take care of your heart!

Answer 18

One part of what you say is incorrect, that what your husband is doing is not wrong.  It is wrong for him to do what he is doing, plain and simple.  Whoever told you that what he is doing is OK is an idiot.

Now that we have that cleared up, my only response to you is, "Two wrongs don't make a right."  Be the better person.

Answer 19

I don't think it's wrong for you to start dating at all. Why shouldn't you get out there and be happy? It's time for you to find someone who will truly love you and not cheat on you. But I would get the divorce proceedings over with as soon as possible. The sooner your ties with him are cut, the better off you will be.

Answer 20

Do what you like. To heck with the naysayers.