Why do people think they DESERVE reunion when the child turns 18? (2.0, the non-blocked version)?

Question

It seems Joslin has us blocked from this question, but I'd love to know what people think.

I certainly never felt I DESERVED reunion. I'd been so verbally 'beat up' by strangers telling me that my mother 'didn't want me why would I want her' and I 'owed my life' to my APs.

But 20 years later, I believe that every adopted child deserves at least one meeting.

How do you feel about it?

Answer 1

You know every sitiuation concerning adoption and the rights to meet the child again is different. some parents could just be bad pareents but in other cases like my case,  i was a single mom that was young and struggling at the time, i knew that i could not let that child suffer hardships and i went through a very extensivve screening process i wanted my child to have the best home and life possible,, i love my child i loved him so much i gave him a much better life than i could give him.  i had 4 days of bonding with him before i turned him over to his new wonderful parents. not a day goes bye i dont think of him the couple has sent me pictures over the years i am reassured i made the best choice for him, yes my life is different now i have another child but i am much older and stable   my son will be 17 soon and yes i hope that one day we will meet so i can tell him that i love him so much to this day. but the choice will be his, not mine.   people need to stop and think that every circumstance is different and some parents might not deserve a meeting with thier kids,  some people have said to me why didn;t you get an abortion?  i say he didn't ask to be concieved and abortion was the easy way out, thats just for myself, i dont judge others choices.

Answer 2

I never thought i deserved a reunion with her. i felt i deserved answers as to why she gave me up and i was willing to get my adoption records to get those answers, but not to the point that i deserved a reunion. i was fortunate that my mother WANTED to meet me. so for those of you who say that a birth mother does not want to meet her child that she gave away, then how do you explain my mother wanting to meet me?

Answer 3

IF THEY CARRIED YOU NINE MONTHS THEN THEY DESERVE A CHANCE TO SEE THE OUTCOME AND HOW THEIR BIO CHILD HAS TURNED OUT!!!!LIKE IT OR NOT I THINK THEY DESERVE THAT MUCH

Answer 4

I am curious if you were blocked how would you even know about this question, it would seem if you were blocked then that was because she decided she did not want you to be able to answer her questions for whatever reason. Mabe you should respect her privacy and not log into your other accounts to stalk and torment her and other people.  

Shame on you

Answer 5

becasue curious

Answer 6

What would a reunion be defined as?

A relationship? I don't "deserve" that.

Answers to my questions, I think anyone even the non adopted deserve answers to ancestrial, or medical questions.

I believe we deserve to know "why" and I feel we deserve at least one f2f.

Answer 7

sertainly everyone deserves to know who brought them into the world after all if it wasnt for them then you would be her RIGHT . also its human nature to be curiouse of everythign and went you have been adopted thats one of you biggest question why didnt they want me . did they have a choice . what are they like those things are ideal and important to a person its like a surprise that can drive you wild or disapoint you .

Answer 8

this is a dificult one, depends on reson for adoption.if it was in bad circumstances like rape at a young age and coulnt have an abortion thats fair they do deserve to meet after18 . but other reasons like unsafe enviroment etc there is no excuse,lets face it when the child turns 18 the biological parent doesnt have responsabilities!

Answer 9

I wasn't blocked, so I answered.  But, I'll say a few words.

I don't hear anyone saying they DESERVE it. I do hear people saying they hope for it. There's a big difference between the two.

Giving up legal parental rights doesn't mean the person gives up being an integral part of the child's past and the child's identity.  You are always a part of one another.

Honesty, I don't blame a first parent one bit for hoping that contact will occur. I can't imagine how painful giving up my own flesh and blood would be.

******

Regarding YooooHooo's statement about how the asker would know the question from which she was blocked:

When a person is blocked s/he can still read the question, since the link to the question usually IS the question.  You just can't view anything further or answer the question.

Using an alternative account in not needed in order to know a question from which you are blocked.

Shame on you for assuming the worst, YoooHooo.

Answer 10

I think fewer people believe they deserve a reunion BEFORE they have made contact than AFTER they have been rejected.  It's one thing to imagine the whole range of "what ifs" when you are still searching - it's something else to have the person you have finally found after YEARS of searching not even willing to acknowledge you.

Answer 11

It is every birth mothers legal right to give a child up BUT I think that it is a basic human right to know where you come from.

I think you should be able to find your birth parents but you have to be able to accept it if they don't want have you in their life.

I think that one meeting would be fair.

Answer 12

I feel that if a child wants to meet their parents then they should be able to. but parents dont deserve to meet their children if the child does not want to meet them.

Answer 13

I have a daughter somewhere, 14 years old by now.. who I wish I could see.  I think I deserve to see her because when she was given up I was 15 and homeless.. had no support and did what was necessary to ensure her happiness.

Answer 14

every situation is different...  imagine being raped by some guy...  took your virginity even!  then, finding out your pregnant...  =(...  

or perhaps you had no way to raise this child alone, because you were raped, and could not track down the father because you didn't know his last name, noone to babysit while you worked...noone!

not sure about the deserving part =(...  if the child goes looking, yes, they deserve to know everything...

Mary

I also want to add, in response sort of to another questioner, lol...  something I said to them too...

In a way, giving someone a life that they could not have given birth to themselves, is a true gift...  in a way, sure, they deserve to know what's up when the child is 18...  =), it's the least an adoptive parent can do for the one who gave them a life...  it's truely a blessing...

Answer 15

I met my firstmom and my adoptive mom was happy for me.  It didn't break her heart at all.  I have two mothers. That  is adoption.  Pretending otherwise is foolish and selfish.  I am very thankful that I got one of the good adoptive moms.  She never ever thought to pretend to be my only mother or to treat me like she owned me.  

And yes, I think any adoptee who wants to deserves to at least meet their first parents.  If only we all had access to our ecords and were able to make that choice for ourselves.

Answer 16

I answered too but will again. It seems so cold and heartless really to hear people say "you signed away ALL your rights" I had my reasons and if you want to know what they are, go through past posts. I loved my daughter my whole life and hoped we would meet again. I never thought I deserved anything for what I did. I HOPED I would get a second chance. People who knew what I put myself thru thought I "deserved" a reunion but I thought I deserved nothing. I only hoped.

As stated in the other post, I believe that any adoptee who desires to know their first family "deserves" the opportunity to find them.

ETA: No second account is needed to view the question, just answer it. Shame on you.

Answer 17

Like it or not they are family. There is a bond that cannot be broken by a piece of paper terminating parental rights. It would be hard to imagine a first mother never wanting to see her child again. I guess it could happen but i'm sure its a rare occurrence.

Another argument would be first parents terminate parental rights in regards to raising a child. An adult/adult relationship is something totally different.

I think the word "deserve" is condescending.

ETA this is what i cut/paste from other post.  Condescending not directed at you Sunny.  I agree every adopted child deserves to meet their First mother/family.

Answer 18

ELVA>>>I think you may be the first person that has annoyed me in a long time...a gift...LMAO....for your info...EVERY LIFE is a gift...even yours...excuse me sir...what isle can I get a girl on....ppl have this idea...that because a BM gives up her child...then the Adoptee should be forever grateful...and the AP owe a BM something when a child trurns 18...I think in the end of all this mess in adoption...it should depend on what the once child...now adult wants...whether to meet etc... ppl treat Adoptees as an object like they were purchased at a store...my life is a gift...and I came stright from my BM...

Answer 19

No. No one deserves a meeting.

I am told that 99% of girl adoptees want this and 15% of boys.

Be grateful for being adopted. You can't blame your birth parenst for your problems.

It is selfish to upset your birth parents' life.

Answer 20

I didn't believe I DESERVED a reunion, in fact I felt the opposite, I thought it was best to just let it be. My bdaughter was 29 1/2 when I decided I was emotionally stable to look for her, I felt I would be able to handle the reunion no matter how it went. I always thought that maybe after she turned 18 I might look, but I didn't. I wish I had but I wasn't ready. She never looked for us and wasn't planning on it.

Answer 21

I still don't quite feel I "deserve" a reunion, just to know where I come from.  I can't force someone who doesn't want me in her/his life to let me in.  

But I don't think one meeting is so much to ask, and it would probably be good for my mental and emotional health.  I guess what I mean to say is, I don't NOT deserve it.

Answer 22

I haven't heard anyone say they "Deserve" a reunion but I have heard thousands of searching Adult Adoptees and first mothers say they "hope" for it

Frankly whatever relationship there is between two consenting adult people is really none of anyone elses business; particularly judgmental and insecure adopters like the red blimp

ETA.  The termination of parental rights does not apply to grown adults.  Grown adults have the freedom to associate with whomever they choose without having to answer to any of their parents

ETA.   Hee Hee Yoohoo/noodlesmycat hasn't figured out yet that you can read questions even when you're blocked, but simply logging out LOL