Why do people treat young mothers badly?

Question

I am 21 years old, but oddly can pass as 14,15,16 and some get close to 19 years old.

One day I decided to help a friend of the family with her toddler by taking her out with me. People right away thought I was a young mother. Even one told me everything will be ok just keep strong..........I was like what?

Then I wanted to take a taxi and the guy wouldn't help me put the heavy stroller in the trunk. I had to call him four times to help me because I had her and this big stroller all at the same time.

He then admitted that he thought I was a young mother and he hated them................to me am thinking do you ever think that she didn't have a child on her own? And then on top of that he was a pastor!!! And invited me to his church, I never went.

But when I do go out sometimes with her people either pity me or dislike me. What gives? Plus in history young mothers were common since people didn't live as long as they do today.

Sometimes I tell people that am not the mother.

Or that am a virgin, which I am.

But now its annoying and I feel bad to not want to watch her again.

But whats the point in treating them badly?

Answer 1

Some people are just rude and judgmental. It's pathetic.

My story?  I was 22 and MARRIED for three years when I had my daughter and you would've been shocked at the people who constantly assumed I was an unwed teen mother! It got really bad when my then-husband was stationed overseas. Of course, some of them didn't get a much better attitude even after I showed them my wedding ring...then I got all this c**p about "aren't you too young to be married?" and some were crass enough to even do the counting back on the fingers thing...and I'd say to them don't bother I've was married 3 years before I had my girl...and then they'd make some crack about how the marriage isn't gonna last....and boy when they'd find out my husband was WHITE...oh, that was the icing on the cake for them.  It was as if I was beyond hope in their books then.

Seems like we're damned if we do and damned if we don't

Seems like when it comes to other people and their personal actions/choices, people just have to be judgmental...and either they don't know how to mind their own business, or they can't find the balance between pity/patronizing and censure.  Bottom line is no one has the right to treat anyone badly regardless of their marital or parental status.

BTW that "pastor" you described sounds like a self-righteous jerk. He's probably not a real pastor at all. Just got his mail order ordination or something lol  When I was living in Chicago, I had a so-called "pastor" disinvite me to his church when he found out I was "sinning" by being in a mixed marriage :(

Answer 2

There IS no point in treating them badly....that shouldn't even be the question.  It's WHY do they feel so much negativity towards young mothers?  Many people look down upon young mothers, assuming they had the child out of wedlock...or they pity that young mother since maybe they feel they didn't get to experience life and are asking themselves, "what kind of life can that mother offer that child?"  Even though it's none of their business, whatsoever.  I think a lot of people who feel some kind of negative feeling towards young mothers may actually pity the child more than that mother....maybe that's where the "anger" and the treating badly comes from.  They assume that the mother won't be able to provide that child a fulfilling, stable life.  

There is something to say about young mothers, though....a few friends of mine got pregnant really young.  They all had a common factor - there was something severely lacking in their lives.  They were unhappy with themselves and with their surroundings - their solution?  Having a child.  Sure, they were happy being pregnant, the attention, etc....but, once they realized all the work and time it takes to raise a child, they regretted having a kid so young.  Now, they wished they had waited so they could go on adventures and do the things you can do when you're not a mom.