Why do "nice guys" (aka pushovers) insist that women like men who treat them like c**p?

Question

Do they truly have such a skewed view on relationships that they misunderstand absolutely everything?

For example, arguing.. I've heard it said (by aforementioned "nice guy" syndrome sufferers) that women who like men that argue with them like being treated like c**p.

If you think a woman is a gentle little flower who'll wither away the very second someone disagrees with her.. you're an idiot. On the other hand, if you actually argue/debate a topic with a woman, it shows that a) you respect that her opinion means something, b) you think she's mature/strong enough to handle an argument/debate, c) you're someone who will expand her knowledge and challenge her intellectually, and d) you care enough about her that you're willing to spend time trying to change her opinion. WHERE is she being treated like c**p?

Then there's the "they don't even give her the time and love that she needs" silliness. Again, women aren't fragile little children. They're human beings. Nothing more, nothing less. JUST human beings. They want to *chase* a man just as much as we want to chase a woman. They want to feel like they're with someone who deserves their respect and attention, someone whose love and time they have to *earn* - the guys who shower it on a woman are boring, clingy, and on the fast track to getting dumped. If a guy plans a night out with his friends, and she asks him to cancel last minute.. of course he's going to still go out. She'll get pissy, sure, but then she'll realize she was being unreasonable and actually end up respecting him *more* for keeping his commitments and having a life outside of the relationship. How is having your own life and not being at a woman's beck and call treating her like c**p?

And of course there's the "use women for s*x" concept. I won't even respond to that one, as they themselves are saying women have no responsibility for their own actions and are little more than objects that can just be "used" by anyone who walks by.

Now, since there are so many whiny, clingy, completely insecure men out there.. sometimes women end up settling for jerks who *appear* to have the qualities they're after (confidence, excitement/fun, and men who know who they are and what they're about), but for the most part.. the guys they label asses and actions that they think are c**p treatment.. really aren't.

What don't they get?! Do they honestly believe that women want an adoring fan or someone to worship the ground they walk on? This seems to be an absolutely out-of-control phenomenon in recent years, and it's disturbing. Why do they insist that women like being treated like c**p and that they're victims of such a mindset?

Answer 1

Thank you for speaking out what I've been thinking the entire time on this issue.

Ironically there are "nice guys" out there who would rather have the submissive nice woman that bad boys/jerks are also going after for the exact same purposes.  They just need to understand that it is just natural women thinking to take an interest in bad boys now and again.  Some just cant accept the fact that some women will just not be attracted to them.

The big losers here are the real independent not so submissive tough women.  Men dont appreciate that these women are braver and bolder and wiser than they expected them to be.

But this is exactly why I dont deal with relationships anymore, because men belong to one of either two extremes ("bad and careless" or "nice and obsessive") and a middle ground is very lacking.  Both sides can be very shallow and not care so much about personality as they are about their girl being "cute" for example.  In the end, no matter which side the men are on, it's all about getting laid before they reach 20.

Come on guys, you know it's true!

Answer 2

h**l no i did not read all of that but i read like the title and question so if this doesn't make sense you'll know why.

but i mean when a relationship is too easy it gets boring so if your too nice its like there needs to be more excitment.

ya know?

Answer 3

you know what I am so sick of you teenage jackasses coming on here trying to act hard,go to bed.

Answer 4

I think anyone could know if someone is a jerk. Jerks give a lot of red flags. To name a few:

- They are confident in a cocky way

- They have anger issues

- They... are basically jerkasses

But there are nice guys out there...it's too bad we're not as exciting and adventurous like those douchebags (Most are shy, but there are confident nice guys) I guess you'll have to learn and wait...

Answer 5

I'm a nice guy. I respect women. I'll debate w/ them. I expect that we'll have to take turns getting our way in terms of plans we make. Heck, I even figure she should pick up the check like... half the time.

Perhaps you need to realize that it's possible to be NICE w/o being a pushover.

I get upset and confused when a seemingly nice, respectable, attractive woman rejects me for a guy who:

--Invites her over to sit and watch while he plays X-box w/ his buddies until 2:30 in the morning, just so that he can get some after they leave.

--Drinks too much on the weekend and she ends up holding him while he pukes, babysitting him all night, and possibly bailing him out of jail.

--Belittles her in public around her friends and she gets mad and embarrassed and he just doesn't care.

I could go on, but you get the picture...

I agree that if you're going to show up and try to just cater to her every need and be the nicest most caring guy EVER... that probably won't work. She'll either find you boring w/ no real personality of your own, or she'll figure out that you can't actually be that way and then she'll reject you for not being yourself.

But I'm just saying that you can be nice w/o being a pushover. And women do go for the jerks. I think a lot of times it's b/c they identify a guy who seems "fun" but is also kind of a d**k, so they figure he's a good target to date b/c he'll be easy to dump when they get sick of him. They're just looking for a handful of dates so they can go out and be social. The problem is that women often do have a soft, sentimental side, and they'll become attached to the jerks, even though they don't treat women well.