Why do single males get centered out?

Question

I am just curious as why responses to single men looking to adopt often elicits negative responses from commentors.

I freely admit that when I see them, I get a little weirded out myself, but I generally read all the comments, and wonder why it is that men are often assumed as pervs when they want to adopt without a spouse/lifepartner.

I have sorta soulsearched my own reaction to it, and the only thing I can come up with is, it is an automatic reaction which I personally need to figure out.

Is it societal? Is it instinctual? What is it?

Answer 1

For me, it's not about him wanting to adopt that makes me suspicious of his motives.  A lot of single people want to adopt.  It's when I see a single male who wants specified a desire to adopt a pre-pubescent/pubescent girl.  THAT'S when it makes me think there is an issue.

Answer 2

What I find interesting is the Aps on here that blame everyone except themselves for this when in reality they are the ones doing it.

Ask the christian folk running the agencies what they think as well.  

Answer 3

Where it is true that both women & men can do horrible horrible things to children it's natural (or at least for me) to second guess any single man's intention to adopt a child.  Single women are a factor to me as well as I truly believe in having a father and a mother role in any child's life.  Of course that is not to say neither is capable of being a wonderful parent just because they are single.

Cases like Masha Allen should NEVER happen yet this is one in many I'm sure.  My guess is that there are many cases like this one that go undetected.  

I think it's very much a part of a woman's biology to have those maternal instincts.  If that wasn't the case women wouldn't still be fighting today for woman's rights to break the stereotypes where women stay home, cook, clean & tend the children.  I believe some men can be more family oriented than some women but I doubt if that's the majority.

Answer 4

I think that men should be able to adopt.  It just gets creepy when they ask for teen girls or boys.

I know a g*y male couple who just adopted from foster care and they are awesome!  

Answer 5

I don't like the idea of single parents of either gender adopting.

I think adopted kids deserve to get what they lost--a mother and a father.

Adoption is supposed to be about what's BEST for children--not filling adults' desires.

Answer 6

I don't feel too weird about single men wanting to adopt.  However, the question about a single guy who wanted to adopt only teenage boys from foreign countries DID weird me out.  

Part of the problem is that more men use children for s*x than women....  or at least it's noticed more in men.  (After all, until a guy is a teenager, it's sort of hard for a woman to use a child for s*x).  

I don't see a single guy wanting to adopt as all that odd unless he is looking for something VERY specific.  Then I start getting alarm bells...

EDIT:  In response to the people who think that the kids should get both parents (and specifically because they lost that) ...  well, I agree!  In an ideal world every adopted kid would get two parents who would never get divorced.  Of course, in an ideal world, no child would be conceived who wasn't wanted - and no child would ever be orphaned.  Truth is, this isn't an ideal world.  I believe that children should first be placed in homes with a mother and father.  If that isn't possible then they should be placed in other two parent homes (two moms or two dads).  If no two parent homes are available, then I think single parent homes are perfectly acceptable.  I don't know about agencies who place infants with single parents - so many people out there want infants.  However, there are (sadly) more than enough foster kids to go around!!!  I think that almost every foster child would chose a permanent home with one parent over continued foster care.  And I think most foster children in "group care centers" would prefer a real foster home with only one foster parent instead.  Maybe that's not the case for all of them - but I think there are enough that there are plenty of children adoptable by single parents.  

I'm a single mom myself (NOT by choice) - and while I'd like to meet someone new and marry again someday, I am very VERY cautious about my dating.  I don't want to bring in a bad seed since it's also my son's well being I have to think about.  Still, whether I meet someone or not, I plan on trying to adopt as soon as I'm out of grad school.  I won't take a child that would rather wait around for a dad - but if there is one that would be ok with just a mom...  then why not?

Answer 7

That's difficult to answer in this arena. Every adoptive parents is attacked by a group of indiscriminate anti-adoption users regardless of gender.

But in a larger sense, men are far less likely (than women) to be a child's primary care giver and far more likely (than women) to be a sexual predator - so that may inspire some unfair responses.

Answer 8

Since a single person does not have the same backup help as a person with a partner, it is only natural that an agency would make sure they screened them very well before proceeding with an adoption. This is what agencies do. They don't post on Yahoo answers about it. What you read here should be taken with a grain of salt, as you never know how serious a poster is and how much of what they are telling us is the truth, if any.

Single women wanting to adopt are probably visiting agencies and setting up their lives to prepare for whatever requirements they have been told to expect. If a single male is posting on the Internet instead of doing those things, probably he is not willing to learn the process, and will not be accepted.

Answer 9

It's bias. Men aren't supposed to want families, that's a woman's thing to want to raise a family and keep house. Men aren't supposed to want children. And those who do are thought to be perverts.

Prejudice is alive and well in America... white men are getting discriminated against just as much as blacks, women, Jews, and everyone else now.

Personally, I agree with Momtosix, but still, if single women are allowed to adopt, men shouldn't be thrown to the wayside.

Answer 10

Honestly, I haven't noticed this at all. I have seen some men who post very suggestive questions that MAKE people question their motives...see: Benny. Then there are others who post questions and appear to have no malice. Those people receive overwhelmingly positive responses....see: the guy who has the joker avatar.

I think it is all in the wording of the question. Sometimes there are spoilers to decent, normal questions....but the vast majority are positive if the question is not creepy or innapropriate.

Take Care~

Answer 11

I dont think a single man or woman should adopt. Kids need a mom and a dad to raise them properly..We will see the tragic effects of this whole generation born into single parent homes, in about thirty years when they are all being supported by the govnt....tragic.

Answer 12

In our society it is indeed both true and unfortunate that men are seen as less than above board in matters regarding children. Think about how many people prefer to have a teenage girl babysit for them rather than a teenage boy. While by nature women are more nurturing (this is a blanket statement and I am sure we all know some women who are NOT as nurturing), many men  can also be very loving, nurturing parents. I do not personally think it is instinctual unless you have had personal experience with men who were "pervs" in your life, which would put you on the alert for potential bad behavior. Now that you are aware of your reaction you can observe it further and reveal what the truth behind this belief is for you. I had a less than nurturing father, which would lead me to believe than men are lousy at parenting, but my husband is wonderful with children, especially babies and he is anything but perverted. So, all in all, I would say personal experience and societal responses in general create our belief system, true or not. Once we are aware of it, we can change it, if we truly desire to do so.  

Answer 13

My husband and I were in our early 30s when we met. We had both researched single parent adoption.  the only thing holding me back from being approved was that I was living in a run-down shack of a mobile home that I was afraid to get fire-inspected out of fear of it being condemned. When HE inquired, he was pretty much told that unless he was interested in a severely disabled child, it wasn't going to happen. Now, I think he'd be an excellent parent to a disabled child, but that's not the point.

Women are seen as nurturers.  In reality, my husband is a lot more nurturing than I am. Social workers have problems seeing past stereotypes, though. Maybe they do see them all as pervs. Who knows. They just seem to rather place with singel women than men.