Why do so many men say I'm too aggressive and that it is a turn off, what can I do to be less feminist?

Question

I am tired of being lonely... I want a guy that can handle a independent, educated woman as myself, but many guys are afraid of me for some reason...they say that I don't look approachable..I don't smile..I look angry and all that...but i do smile..in fact..i laugh a lot..a whole lot...i think I am more masculine than feminine, but only to a certain extent..other than that I am a pretty cool gal..

So what should I do to make my self look approachable, but not desperate?

Answer 1

Smile, bat your eyes, & put on a shy/submissive persona when they talk to you.

Answer 2

Wait until you find the right guy. The ones you have dated seem too insecure to handle you. When you find the right guy it will be great!

Answer 3

All you have to do is smile. And you say you are doing that. I think having an overall friendly demeanor can help with looking approachable.  

Answer 4

Eat more vegetables.  

Answer 5

Don't wear camouflage.

Answer 6

Well it sounds like you simply need to work on being kinder.  It really has nothing to do with masculinity vs. femininity, being approachable or able to be well liked often leads back to one thing...kindness.  And that is something we can work on without actually changing who we truly are.  A guy should be falling head over heels for you, not some image of what  you should be in your head.

Answer 7

Trying to change who you are is an exercise in futility.

Be YOU, and nobody else but YOU.

Be genuine, nobody likes a phoney.

Answer 8

Less feminist? You mean you want to give up the idea that women are human beings? WHY?

BTW, Miss Manners is a feminist, and no one calls HER aggressive. Why you blame feminism (the idea that females have rights equal to males) is beyond me.

You're told you don't smile and look angry. Maybe you can adjust this. Yes, you frequently smile and laugh, but when you're not doing either of those, what "vibe" are you giving off?

There are a LOT of guys who prefer educated, independent women. Men who insist on servility are a minority (though not in this category).

Cultivate a semi-smile and alert, approachable (but not TOO approachable) facial expression. When a potential guy meets your eye, give a little smile before looking away.

Involve yourself in things, which will ultimately both engage your attention on something besides looking for a guy, and put you in the way of meeting new people.

But PLEASE, stop blaming the notion that women are human beings. We ARE. The idea that understanding that is incompatible with a love-life is absurd, and severely damaging to all.

Answer 9

It's sad that some women have come to interpret "feminism" as "be like a man".

Being pleasant, smiling, wearing lipstick and shaving your legs does not mean you are a doormat to men. I consider myself accomplished as a woman. I've had a successful career in the military and look to expand into engineering as a civilian. Yet I value myself as a female and enjoy the positive qualities and traits that have been often associated with women, even if old fashioned; afterall, none of those have any bearing on my intelligence, independence or ability.

Being approachable and likable is very empowering in itself. Meeting people and making friends certainly opens doors. Perhaps you will feel more inclined to relax around men and be more pleasant if you look at it this way.

Lastly, this may simply be your personality. You may always be a bit more aggressive than other women, and as long as you are comfortable and happy with yourself, it just might be that in the future, a man will enjoy your company for exactly who you are.

Answer 10

well you seem like a very nice girl, i would definitely want a feminist gf but just act more feminine

or just act yourself and you'll eventually get a good guy

Answer 11

Tell me do you have lumps where the muscles have developed on forehead giving you an appearance of permant anger?

Its one that I have seen before by someone that spoke of themselves as you do.

The other is you think simply disliking and rejecting as a potential mate = being afraid. It may sooth your ego to think so - and in there you will find many of your answers. Why do you need to believe, despite logic and advice to the contrary that it is fear they feel?  

Answer 12

Well maybe dress a little more feminine...I remember you posted a question a while ago about your Ex-b/f asking you to do so and you dropped him because you thought he would become controlling or something because you wore sweats everywhere or something.

You're probably not coming across as the type of woman most guys want. Sorry to tell you but compromises are part of life. Sweats maybe comfortable but not necessarily going to draw men to you.