Why do so many of you think foster care adoption is the only way to go?

Question

I considered giving my baby up but changed my mind before even going to an agency but i was glad that adoption was an option.

Not every woman who gives their child up does so because they don't have money some really trully don't want thier child. They used protection but nothing besides absitnece is 100% and to ask grown people with urges not to have s*x is crazy. there will allways be women who don't want, can't afford or some other reason don't want their baby. They should be allowed to give the child up. Why do you want to force her to keep the child?

Answer 1

Foster care is awful for children, its nice that its there, but it should always be a last resort.  Adoption is a great thing to have put in place for women who either dont want, or cannot care for their child.  To make a woman keep their child just because is wrong, because that child will probably be resented.

Answer 2

I didn't give up my child because I didn't want him, I gave him up because his father beat the c**p out of me with my son, daughter and niece watching. (two days before I found out I was pregnant no less), my sisters hated me for that and wouldn't talk to me for the longest time, but they understood that I couldn't bring a child into a family that started out with abuse.  For any person to stay in a relationship like that and wine and cry about it to get sympathy is just down right stupid.

To your question... other people shouldn't force any female to keep a child if she is not ready. Adoption is an awesome option. Especially if it is an open adoption like mine, where I get to see the little one grow into well brought up young man.

Answer 3

i am glad there is adoption, it is a great way for mothers who dont want kids to give them up to someone like me who cant have kids instead of aborting. we are to quick to judge when we hear unwanted pregnancy the first thing that comes t our minds is that well she should have protcted herself if shes going to have s*x yet we are not in their shoes and dont know the full story, so yay for adoption.

Answer 4

Because kids in the foster care system are the ones who truly need a loving home.  Their parents have already lost custody, nobody is out there trying to convince them that giving up junior is a "brave" and "loving" thing to do because Sterile Meryl just wants a baby to love.

Answer 5

Because it's so hard for people to wrap their minds around bio parents not wanting to be parents...And the sterile Myrtle comment...Is so beyond cruel, I'm an adoptee and I'm embarrassed by the amount of ignorance and insensitivity on this site.

Answer 6

Mostly religious aspects come into play here.  Giving up a child is almost as bad as abortion to many here in the US, especially those of Christian/Catholic following.

They fail to see beyond the realm of the narrow-minded religious society.  They fail to recognize what's best for the child and are only concerned with what's best for their image.

A similar misconception happens when couples choose to stay together "for the kids."  A loveless marriage is more emotionally damaging to a child than having separated parents.

And to tie that into adoption, a parent (or parents) "forced" to keep a child can have detrimental effects on that child.  If the parent(s) can't afford to care for the child, that child will not have many of his/her/their basic needs.  If the parent(s) simply do not want the child, that child will get no attention or affection.  In both cases, the child WILL grow up emotionally scarred.

A child in foster care who is eventually adopted has a much better chance of finding a caring home than growing up with parents who don't or can't give a d**n.

Answer 7

you'll have to read through the answers of many to see where they're coming from.

Some believe their lives and heritages were ripped from them; some proclaim they would've rather lived on the streets homeless with their mother than be adopted; some state that it has caused them a lifetime of bad feelings; some feel that only family should adopt a child and not 'strangers'.  

They are entitled to their feelings.  These views are theirs and theirs alone based on their experience and unique feelings.  It's perfectly okay to feel that way.

However, there are some adoptees who are fine with the process as it was and as it is.  I am one of them.  I feel that adoption is a viable option and should be considered in some situations.  I agree with you that women should not be forced to keep their children nor should families be forced/coerced/guilted into adopting the child based on family preservation.

MTV's True Life is doing a segment on women who are seeking an adoption plan for their unborn child.  I am looking forward to seeing it.   It is my hope that they show the realities of a woman grappling with this decision as well as the fact that adoption is a viable option for women who can not or choose not to parent their child(ren).

I hope all is well with you and your child at this point.  I too have been in your shoes and I am thankful that adoption has not been outlawed like many outspoken anti-adoption people want.  It is my choice and I am glad that it is offered as an option.

ETA:  The sterile merle is rather rude, condescending and offensive.  But i guess it doesn't matter since it's directed to AP's.  They're fair game, eh?

Answer 8

because it should be about the CHILD.  if there is a child involved, your selfish needs go out the window.

Answer 9

That was a point I tried to make in a question I posted yesterday, that some women know the right thing for them to do is adoption.  Everyone says, "oh adopt from Foster Care", but you know some women choose adoption because they are know they are not ready or able to be a parent and I think that takes courage.

Answer 10

I don't necessarily think foster care adoption is the ONLY way to go.  I have known some AP's who adopted infants or international children, who I respect very, very much.  Some people go about it with their eyes on ethics, what's best for the child, and some are very diligent in making sure that every single thing they do is in the best interests of the child.  I do actually think that SOME infant adoptions might actually be in the best interests of the child, and SOME international adoptions might also be in the best interests of the child.  I also DON'T believe that ALL foster care adoptions are what's best for the child.

My personal opinion on your personal situation (from what I know in this question - I don't recall any other questions from you) is that it doesn't matter WHY you don't want your child, it's still damaging to the child.  If your reasons were that you didn't have money, well then get some (there's plenty of help out there).  If it was because you weren't married, there are lots of kids raised by single parents and they're just fine - and probably better off with single biological parents than they would be having to deal with adoption loss.  If your reason was that you're young - well, you won't always be young.  Most reasons women give their children up for adoption can be overcome, and it is my personal opinion that once you're pregnant, whether the pregnancy was wanted or not, it is now your job to do what is best for that child.

If the parent is not ABLE to do what's best for the child, then the child should be removed and put in foster care, the parents should be given the opportunity to get their act together, and if they fail, the child should be placed for adoption, preferably leaving contact open with the bio parents (keeping safety in mind, of course).

My opinions are based not only on listening to adoptees say that being abandoned sucks, regardless of the reason, but also on my own experience.  My mom didn't want me, she didn't care about me, but she kept me anyway.  I was a nifty little punching bag for her.  It was HER job to get over her emotional c**p and take care of me in a manner that would feed my soul as a human being.  She failed.  Not my fault, but it has stayed with me my whole life, and it isn't going to go away.  I imagine that physical abandonment feels much worse than emotional abandonment (especially not knowing why you were abandoned - not knowing if the person who gave birth to you cares about you, or ever wants to see you again, and having to go through the searching, the first contact with a person who's feelings you can't possibly know...).

In my opinion, adoption should be a LAST resort, and only resorted to when everything else is tried, and no better options are available.

ETA:  LMAO!  Lillie...Sterile Meryl.  That's awesome.  That needs to be one of those new-generation Garbage Pail Kids!

FYI:  I am not laughing at infertility.  I do not think infertility is a laughing matter.  I could be infertile myself - don't know, don't care, but I still wouldn't make fun of it.  I'm laughing at the caricature of the entitled PAP who uses infertility as an excuse to separate mothers and children.  But you were correct, Shelly, to note that you fall into that category.  I'd say I'm sorry for offending, but I'm not.

Answer 11

foster/adopt isn't the only way to go. Its just the least expensive way to go.

Answer 12

umm... so you don't think that kids in foster care deserve good homes? what is the world coming too when people feel that kids should just stay in foster care, because the only thing they want is a baby. No one can force someone to keep their child.

Answer 13

Nice sick twist.

Now back in reality,,,,,, most mothers that do chose to give their child up for adoption do so for the sole reason of lack of funds to provide shelter and food. The adoption community and pro-life people don't do a heck of a lot to help her out besides talk her into to giving the child to them.

Answer 14

Foster care adoption is only ONE of many options!  I do generally bring it up b/c it's not one that everyone thinks of as a viable option, though.  There are a lot of myths surrounding it.

There is domestic adoption through an attorney or agency. There is international adoption.  There is foster care adoption.  There's also kinship adoption (relative adoption).  These are all great options when a child can't be raised by his/her biological mom.

Answer 15

I don't or I wouldn't be here...

Answer 16

Yes you are right no one should be forced to parent unless they want too. There are many types of adoption and anyone looking to adopt should thoroughly research all adoption types and go with what will work best for their family.

Answer 17

Because it is a child-centred social service as opposed to a $1.4 billion dollar business of questionable ethics serving the needs of paying customers.  That's why.

The same reason that in many many countries outside of the USA private adoption is illegal and ALL adoptions are handled via the Dept of Social Services as a social service for the CHILDREN.