Why do so many parents nowadays have the 'well, they're gonna do it anyway' approach to parenting??

Question

I'll buy them alcohol and let them drink it at 16, because 'they're going to do it anyway'

I'm not going to encourage my kid to wait until adulthood (or better yet - marriage!) to have s*x, because 'they're going to do it anyway'

I think my kid is smoking pot, but I'm not going to try to stop them, because 'they're going to odo it anyway' and it's better pot than some other drug

etc.

Gosh the list goes on!!!! I'm 28 now, but when I was a kid, my parents flat out told me what was NOT acceptable as long as I lived under their roof - no drugs, no alcohol, and no s*x. And believe it or not, I LISTENED to them! haha Why do so many parents just pretty much give up on trying to keep their kids on the straight path? It seems our society is begining to think that our kids are just going to blindly follow society's 'bad behaviors' and that we shouldn't even bother trying to prevent that. What do you think about this? How do you talk to your kids about these things?

Answer 1

I guess because they couldn't be bothered getting off there butts to do something about it? I'm 20 and I wasn't exactly rebellious - I wasn't really into drinking because I don't particularly wanna wake up with a headache and vomit anywhere -hence I've never been drunk but I agree with the other parts, it's like parents don't really give a c**p anymore, I mean sure there are the ones that are great and everything but there far and few in between if you know what I mean

Answer 2

because we all "did it anyway"

Answer 3

They are lazy and would prefer to be their children's best friend then their parent!!  There seems to be either one extreme or the other.  Parents that want to govern music or movies or games everyone has or watches or listens to,  when in reality they should just pay more attention to their own child... instead of trying to force government to do the parenting for them.  And them you have the parents that just... don;t care because they want to be the "cool" parent.  I'm 23 and the majority of my friends who already have children still go party at bars or out whenever they want, they just go leave little Johnny with his grandma.... its awful.

Answer 4

Rules can help or not, depending. Some kids are naturally obedient. But teenagers aren't children, and most teens don't listen to their parents about such things. Furthermore, many parents don't care to treat their sixteen-year-olds as if they were seven.

Why shouldn't a teenager have s*x, as long as he does it *safely* and doesn't have a child out of wedlock? And pot and alcohol -- many kids are going to use these things, just as adults do. Some parents go nuts and use draconian measures to keep them from doing so, but for the most part all they do is cause grief while insuring that the moment the kid reaches 18 he'll bolt and use twice as much of it as he otherwise would have.

Answer 5

You listened to your parents  - good for you.  You were one of the easy teenagers.  

The problem is that not all of them DO listen.  If I had given my kids the "as long as you're living under my roof..."  ultimatum, I would have had to kick them out many times.  Of course I've tried with all my strength to prevent them from doing all the bad things that teenagers do.  Every parent I know would say the same -  but the bottom line is that we just don't have that kind of control.  Nor would it necessarily be good if we did.  They would never be independent or think for themselves or have the courage to take a risk.  

I am NOT abdicating my responsibility by saying "they're gonna do it anyway."  I would hope that if I have taught them well they would NOT do it.   But even good kids with good parents sometimes make bad choices.  There are times when all we can do is be there to help them pick up the pieces and learn from their mistakes.

Answer 6

Unfortunately, we get what we expect.

Answer 7

i bet because those parents were the kids who "did it anyway"...........or because those parents can't handle their kids because they need to work, its irresponsible and lazy but don't be quick to judge

Answer 8

Heres the thing: while alot of parents do have the approach you're describing, its not nearly as drastic as you say. Parents still strongly discourage and forbid their children from participating in harmful activities, but most good parents deep down know that their kids are going to get curious and possibly experiment with s*x, drugs, and alcohol. They know that while they can give all the parenting and discipline in the world, in the end, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, and ultimately its the kids decision.

Answer 9

Although I actually agree with your parent's style of parenting I can see why some allow it.

Perhaps they think that if s*x, drinking etc is going to happen at least if its under their own roof they know they're child is safe.

I'm a mother of 3 and don't intend to allow any of the things you mentioned to happen under my roof.  However, if one of them is rebellious or becomes sexually active I would be terrified of them going out into the big, bad world do it all out there.  I'd definitely draw the line at illegal activities such as drugs, zero tolerance on that level.

I think society as a whole is becoming a little desensitized on some issues and then more lax towards their children's behaviour.  We are not shocked as easily.

Answer 10

Well, my daughter is still a little to young to have the talk to, but i agree. I do not know why pple have that mentality. Really, how do they know that they are going to do it?  How do they know THEY are not the ones that turn them onto it? They don't. I think its part irresponsible and part laziness. They just don't wan to deal with it.