Why do some WOMEN get involved into ABUSIVE relationships ?

Question

Hello there. A woman's forum. Great ! I need to know the answer to this question. Why do some of you women get involved into abusive relationships. My ex is now caught in a

bind. She is now in an abusive relationship. We broke up

in May 2008. Then she met a new guy 2 weeks later, and

moved in with him only after 30 days, and it has been chaos

ever since. This man is controlling, we talked on the phone

and all that stuff. He reads her emails, and checks her cell

phone numbers, too. She called me up 3 weeks ago, and

told me everything ! Even about him threatening her with

a frying pan. She confessed. And contacted me a week ago,

while in the "middle" of a fight with him. She wrote me another

email, and told me to go away, and that I was messing up

her life. But I knew she was forced to do so. I have tried to

tell this woman she is making a mistake, but she is afraid to

leave this man. What should I do ?

Answer 1

If she is afraid to leave him, it might mean that he threatened to hurt or kill her if she did. I would advise her to call the police immediately. Better yet, you should.

Answer 2

She probably didn't notice the warning signs at the beginning of her relationship. Abusive men don't necessarily walk around with brass knuckles on and snarl at passers-by; they may seem as charming, at first, as any other man. But the warning signs start to show-- is he calling every day because he loves her, or because he's checking up on her? It's sometimes hard for a woman to face the fact that a man she is interested in is controlling.

That's how she got IN. But how to get out?

You could call a nearby battered women's shelter and ask for resources, or call the police. I'm not sure how much sway you'll have in a personal relationship. The problem is that right now, she's so fearful of him that it will be very difficult for her to turn him in; if the cops bust down the door, she may well say that everything is OK. The best bet is to convince her to just up and leave for a battered women's shelter. She'll be protected and they will help her from there.

Answer 3

you don't believe how women have little choices . she breaks up with somebody , she feels lonely , she needs a man . the first man who comes isn't perfect , but she takes him hoping he'll be better . it turns out she was doing better before . and that she has to get rid of her new man before she gets hurt , and then she finds herself practically enslaved . if she ran away she might not find a man . besides she is hung sexually on her first man .

if she wants to come back why not ? she'll be a lot better than before . go for it .

Answer 4

Why do people get involved in abusive relationships?

Battering is often part of a systematic plan of isolation and manipulation of the victim. Some victims are stalked and killed by their partners when they attempt to leave-abusers also threaten and have killed their children and their pets.

If you want to help-you can call the 800 number below. You may not be able to see your ex at home-but maybe you could get her some info to a friend or family member but more likely at her workplace-here's a safety plan a victim can use to plan their escape plus a list to use for implementing the plan-from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/Saf...

http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/MyP...

Here is what a victim can do to protect themselves at work as well:

http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/Wor...

Good luck!

Answer 5

The same reason anyone stays in an abusive relationship, fear and a low self esteem.

Answer 6

Give her this number:

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Edit: Why does everyone assume she left you?

Maybe you left her?  So which is it?

Answer 7

cuz there retarded

Answer 8

Alright the minute she calls saying fe is threatening her again call the police.

I had a friend with the same problem but with no edvidence what can you do? I solved her problem.

This is what I did and you don't do it. One night my friend told me they were going out that was my chance. I wore black cloths and I took a secerity camera with me to the house they were living in. I snuck in threw a window and hid the camera in the living room. And I left the house. I didn't even tell my friend I did that.

When she finally told me she wanted to leave and report him that's when I told her about the camera. We turned it in when we were reporting him. I even saw the edvidence I don't know what my friend was thinking.

In your case I am not sure what you can do. You should check up on her once and a while and if you think it is getting too serious call the police.

Answer 9

Women don't specifically go looking for these relationships.  Men appear one way when you meet them but the true colors come out when your already in the relationship.  I know, I've been there.  Getting "in" is easy it's the getting out that's difficult and lots of factors surround that.  Fear of what he'll do if you leave and if children are involved that fear is doubled.  We stay too thinking the episodes are isolated and that it won't happen again and when it does we again tell ourselves that it won't keep happening and tell ourselves he loves us and they on most occasions will apologize up and down to keep us where we are.  There's the fear of where will I go and what will I do ?  We don't want to resort to strangers at a shelter and we don't tell our family as we don't want to jeopardize them as well.  It's a catch 22 and we get caught up in an endless cycle.  The physical abuse makes us want to leave but the mental abuse keeps us where we are for fear of what could be the consequences.  

   She is reaching out to you but be very careful because if he is aware that she is reaching out to you the repercussions of that upon her could be costly.  Keep close in a non visible form.  Don't call her and tell her to be sure not to call from within her home.  Use a third party female if need be to act as a liason (a female would be less threatening to him)  

  Realize that she may not listen to your advise for just up and leaving or running to a shelter.  Not because she "enjoys" what is happening to her but because she is afraid of what is happening to her and she feels trapped.  It's not just so simple as to walk away.  It took me 23 years.  Fear has a way of preventing any action.  Be a friend and just keep talking to her but don't demand an action by her, she won't be able to give you that.  Be patient and intercept with law enforcement on her behalf if things go very bad, she too won't be able to make that call.  He won't go up against law enforcment but he will take You out on her.  Just don't jump the gun too soon on this as cops come and go but then she is left wih him to answer to.  Not something you want to have happen.  

  The best of luck to both her and you.  Your a good person to be concerned for her as the X man in her life.  Most would turn the other way and say "you made your bed, sleep in it".  It's nice to know there are still forgiving souls out there.  Take care.

Juniee

Answer 10

Does she think she loves him? Or is she really just miserable? Because if there's no love there, I'd just go over or something get her stuff and get her out of there.

I just realized I may be in a relationship headed towards that. But I put my foot down. The thing is my boyfriend is a sweetheart and he was at the beginning too. But even at the beginning he was telling me not to talk to my ex boyfriends, checking my cell numbers, and then he got worse told me not to talk to a couple of my friends because they're bad infulences, told me he'd like to be invited with my friends making it seem wrong to be with them alone and tells me not to text other guys not to have them call me even if i truly think they're repulsive. At the begining he was just saying things like it seems like I care more about you then you care about me, you don't care about making me happy if you do this etc. So I was like well I want to make him happy.I've had so many people tell me he was controlling but i denied it at first. Until I read a control freak book. I'm gonna have him read it too. I drew the line when we got in a fight and he was pulling me telling me how to walk, how to hold his hand, then he grabbed my hand really hard and told me if I didn't walk faster he'd snap my hand off. That's when I told him I was breaking up with him and he started crying and all that. but basically I know he loves me and wants to be with me. That's why I told him if he does something like that again I WILL break up with him. Because he would freak out. Because he truly wants to be with me forever. So I'm actually trusting him now. Because If he does something like that I'm not afraid to break up with him. Basically I still feel king of trapped like in a prison... i'm sure thats how she feels too. but I dont know there are so many good qualities about him. he told me he'd change so I'm trusting him to. Just have her put her foot down and tell him she'll leave if he doesn't change.