Why do some feel its a bad idea for me to have a baby on my own? With no guy present?

Question

Right now am only 21 years old.

But once I turn 30 years old, I would have my college degree by then, my own home and vacation home, nice cars, and have enough saved up for retirement...yes really. And because I know for a fact I will still be a virgin C-section is for me lol.

Gender wouldn't matter, and we would travel the world together, and I want four....I know but I think knowing deep down my genetics are a part of them...its pretty exciting.

My reason for this is because ....well men are failures to me, my own father saw me twice in my life and the first time he said oh your a girl, and the second time told my mom in front of me saying I don't look related because of my skin tone and he is darker and somehow a white guy is my father, then he changed his phone numbers ect. ...yes moved so I can never do a month long search for me...yea that hurt badly. But if I have a child and me nor the child knows the father there will be no heart break when divorce happens, or he does something stupid like cheating ect. I seen too many females cry over guys to be like them and am 21 and still wish I had a father.

But I feel I will do a greater job then having a guy who is likely won't be around anyway. Plus I just like the idea of me and them.

I never told family this and its not up to them in the future.

I told a friend all this and he couldn't believe it and said am making a huge mistake...how?

I had this idea since I was 14 years old.

Also I have read on women doing this.

But in general why do some judge me based on this? Moral wise its not bad either.

Answer 1

I think 21 is young for a baby but then again I'm 20 & I'm about to finish college in 1 yr so I can't say anything. I also think a baby would do better w a mommy & a daddy instead of just one person. A baby is a huge responsibility, but if you feel ready go for it.

EDIT: Kelly W, how do you "know for a fact that you will be a virgin at 30?" Remember negative thinking often comes out in reality, better to be positive friend!

Answer 2

I know from experience that having children is not all it is cape up to be. Some children turn out to be defiant and other pleasant and it is a roll of dice you never will know.

I have to put my life on hold. I have to work and everything else  around their scheduled. I have to do everything three times because I have to get them dress and supervise them as well and these things takes a lot of effort.

I suggest you adopt because their are so many children needing help who are abuse etc... Or at least find somewhere you can volunteer where all type of children are. So you can see the wore case scenario to rearing children. Because things have change a whole lot since you was a child people now days are so much more diabolical and cynical.

Just my thought you should just enjoy your life...

Answer 3

I'm 16 and I often think it would just be easier for me to be a single mother when I am older - I'm too much of a control freak. Perhaps some man will change my mind.

Nice cars, retirement fund & two houses by thirty, plus travelling the world with four kids? I think some of your goals might be a little difficult to acheive. You'll need careful planning, hard work and lots of perseverance. I know many people couldn't do these things but perhaps you will be able to if you strive for them.

As for the children: so long as you can support the children financially and more importantly emotionally then yes I see no problem with this. The best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Children need a father figure. No father figure is better then a bad father figure but they need a good one.

Answer 5

Basically, what Rio said.

Answer 6

You know I was a single mom for a while.  Even with an education and a good funding....even then its not easy.

Your sick as all get out, layed out with the flu. The kid is hyper and wants to play..."mommy what you doing, mommy suns still up no sleeping, mommy...mommy..."

know from personal experience this sucks...and I only had one child.

Raising a child takes two.

Sounds like you have had some horrible experiences with men. Have you thought about talking with someone to work this out?  This level of mistrust isnt healthy for you.  

Answer 7

If you don't have a man in your life, you ain't ready to have a child.  A child needs two parents.  If that weren't true then why can't the baby just appear in the woman's stomach without the help of a man?  Plus, if you don't know what you're doing wrong (picking losers that can't communicate, playas, guys who can't be serious, etc.) then how can you raise a male child?  Even worse, your daughter will follow you until a sweet talking "genius" sweeps her off her feet and she elopes without your permission.  Are these the kinds of kids you want?  No, didn't think so.  Don't say it won't happen 'cause it will.  Everyone's affected by social pressures, good and bad.  And not all guys are bad.  If you look out into the world there are many good ones that stayed with their families (Denzel Washington, Samuel L. Jackson).  So please don't generalize.  No one fits the stereotypes, so rip up the cloning devices and start thinking like an individual.

Answer 8

Kids do best when they are raised in households where there are enough love and financial resources to support them. If you feel like you can handle a baby as a single parent financially and emotionally, no one should stand in your way.  I was adopted by a single mother who was in her late 30s when she had me. She had the time, resources, and emotional capacity to give me a wonderful childhood. Of course, there were lots of other adults in my life too: my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and her friends. I never felt deprived of anything by lacking a father. (I think I turned out fine as well. I'm going into my last year of college at a solid university and nothing terrible has happened to me so far...*knock on wood*). Do what makes you happy. Don't give up on boys though! Some of them are great :)

Answer 9

Go ahead. Not all men are the same.

Answer 10

Because study after study show that children without biological fathers in their lives are much more likely to suffer depression, be victims of abuse, be perpetrators of abuse, abuse drug/alcohol, be promiscuous, etc, etc, etc.... Enjoy continuing the cycle of dysfunction. Bring on the thumbs down, feminists.. Each thumb down will be a concession to this post as truth.

Having kids outside of a working marriage is selfish.

Get a puppy instead.

Answer 11

I have no issue with any of your plans, although I tend to think it's worth keeping a fairly open mind about your future, especially when you're talking about events that will happen nearly ten years from now.

The only thing I'd challenge you on is your belief that you should have a C section because you will be a virgin.  Being a virgin is no reason to have a C-section instead of a vaginal delivery.  And there are so many reasons why a vaginal delivery is healthier for both the mother and the baby.  A section is very serious abdominal surgery, and you're usually not allowed to pick up the baby for a few weeks, which would be tricky if you're gong to be a single parent.  Some people really need to have a section for medical reasons, and that's fine, but unless there are compelling medical reasons for a section, a vaginal delivery is easier, less painful, and much safer.

Answer 12

Your own vacation house?

ok, unless you are inheriting something i think you better rethink how you will have all this wealth.  

but on to the point

to be honest it sounds like you want to be proved wrong about guys or have sympathy given towards you.  You don't actually care about the answer to the question you asked because your question is imbeded in your writing.

I wonder the same thing about women that you wonder about guys.  I have known my mother all my life, as a drunk.  she has hit on me, and now whenever i see her she hits on me and it is just so disgusting.  I hate it.  All my relationships with women have ended terribly as they have broken off things in the worse way they could think of.  

But still, i don't think women are the devil.  Maybe you just need to find a guy that treats you well.  Notice, i didn't say have a guy find you.  You need to find him

Answer 13

It sounds like you want a debate more than answers.  I find it hard to believe you are truly weighting your options and putting a child's best interest ahead of your agenda.

Answer 14

i think that if you are steady enough in your life to take care of a child then go ahead and do it because i do agree with you men can be worthless because i was raised with my father and i still have him in my life i mean i'm14 but all he ever does is give me a little money if i need it and yells at me like crazy i don't even remember him ever saying i love. so i think your better of with out a man cause i want my mom to divorce my dad so good luck do what you want no matter what people say. hope it helps :)

Answer 15

Well, presumably if you are as rich as you see yourself being, then you will be able to afford a nanny to look after the children while you get on with your career, but won't your children mind being fatherless?  And won't you get lonely raising them on your own?

It's tough bringing up children on your own, especially boys, who are quite a handful, especially if you have more than one.  I would think very carefully before embarking on single parenthood, it's no joke.

and if you say you will still be a virgin when you have children, does that mean you intend to get yourself artifically inseminated?  But if you are too squeemish to even contemplate sleeping with a man, how are you going to cope with the messy business of having a baby.  They are very dirty little things, you know.

Answer 16

As long as you're financially and emotionally equipped for single motherhood, and you have a few friends or relatives around to fall back on if necessary, I have no quarrel with you.