Why do some guys want to have their cake and eat it too?

Question

I get hit on by married/committed guys a lot. What I don't understand is why they don't just leave their wives. Can anyone explain this to me?

They both have kids, but I don't understand how cheating on their mother is good for anyone in the relationship. I even told them that I'm not interested in them unless they are single. I'm also not out to wreck their marriage. Obviously something is missing already if they're looking at me.

I am friendly, I don't dress provocatively and I have a nice figure.

What is going on in these guys' heads? Psychologically.

Answer 1

Well, it's good for them because they get more s*x.  Afterall, you're only wrecking their marraige if the wife finds out.  

What is going on in these guys heads is that they want s*x.  They psychologically want s*x.  It really is that simple; why do you need it to be more complicated than it really is?

Answer 2

Simply put, they want s*x. That's what's in their minds. They don't want to marry you. They will lie and say anything to get what they want. It's not a compliment on their part, in fact it's an insult because they think you're "easy". (And it's not because of what you're wearing or anything. It's probably not your fault at all. They're just acting like dirtbags.) ♥ ∞

Answer 3

Maybe they can not afford a divorce.

Answer 4

Some people thrive in a committed relationship - some people thrive in an open one.

You think that your way is the only way.

This is why you are single.

Answer 5

You ask why men don't just leave their wives?

How often would women leave their husbands if it meant automatically losing their children?

Answer 6

you can't help that you're hot!

That breaks my heart tho... I am glad to hear you are a good women and don't want to wreck marriages.

I only wish there were more women out their like you.

However, you are giving them a glimpse of hope in saying "only if you're single".

That means you think they are attractive and they have a chance... but they have to work at you for it.

Do you really want to be with a guy that cheats on his wife and kids?

Shut them down hard.

They will find someone else. Chances are, you're not the first/ only girl they've wanted to cheat on their wives with.

Answer 7

yeah, they want to have a fling with you, but at the same time they do not want to jeapardize their marriage.

think about it, 50 percent (or is it more now), of marriages end in divorce. thats pretty bad odds!!!!

so it doesnt shock me.

Answer 8

They're not committed at all then. Just greedy and selfish.

Answer 9

Human nature I think; greed, boredom or other.  Kudos for you not wanting to break up a marriage.  Psychologically there can be a 1001 things going on in their heads.  See my answer above on human nature.

I never cheated on my ex.

Answer 10

There is a part of innate male behavior that drives us to procreate with multiple partners. This has been proven time and time again by sociologists.

However, in modern society, this innate behavior is nothing more than an excuse to have s*x with multiple partners. Many men don't even understand what drives them to this, all they know is they want it and blame it on things like boredom with one woman and other excuses.

The problem really is they are now putting this selfish desire to "spread their seed" above what they SHOULD value above all other things. Think about it: if they managed to understand what drives them to this and brought it to their wves, the'yd lose all that. So rather than risk it, they try to get away without getting caught.

HOWEVER - many women are guilty of the EXACT SAME THING. I get "hit" all the time as well. One of the innate reasons women have multiple partners was originally a natural defense against inbreeding. Same deal, any excuse you use to justify it is just that, an excuse.

What I think is really funny (not directed at the person asking) - it's OKAY for women to say what they THINK is going through a man's mind, but if we do that we get jumped because we know nothing about being a woman.

Well, you know nothing about being a man, either. You only think you do, and your ego allows you to think you're right. :-)

Answer 11

The short answer is that it is delicious cake.  You must eat it.

The long answer is that it is evolution: the more partners that a male has, the more likely that his genes will survive.  This is not only because he will have more copies of his genes being passed on, but also because the genetic diversity that would the multiple partners would give to his offspring would further increase their chances of survival.  Evolution also drives promiscuity in females of species where the males participate (even the tiniest bit) in child rearing: the more partners a female has in conceiving a given litter, the better protection that litter will have, as each of her partners is inclined to protect what could be his offspring.  In fact, in many species with promiscuous females, the males often compete for the chance to protect and raise the offspring.  This, of course, does not happen in humans, since unplanned/unwanted children are burdens to their parents.  More recently, with the advent of DNA testing, it has become even easier to avoid caring for the b*****d child of a rival male.  

My suggestion: get their names, look them up in the phone book, call their homes, talk to their children and have them tell their mothers about the attempted infidelity.