Why do some men thrive on playing mind games?!!?

Question

I have been in a relationship for five months now, where a couple of weeks ago he finished it in the morning and by the evening he was begging me to come back. After a couple of days thought I decided to give it another shot, so for the last couple of weeks things have been really great, talking about our future, saying how much we love each other etc.

However yesterday I got the gut feeling that something wasn't right so I called him and all he could say was it must be me cos 'there was nowt wrong with him'. This was early evening and I didn't hear from him again- which is very unusual, especially as he was meant to be coming round last night.

Now I'm not sure where I stand because one day we were totally in love and the next he couldn't care less!

Just wanted to ask if anyone has an inkling why this could be?? I'm 27 and he is 32 btw. Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

Don't talk about your future with a man youve not known six months even. Take each day as it comes, and if he carries on standing you up and blowing hot or cold, dump him. Dunno why it happens though, men and women can be contrary creatures at times.

Answer 2

Men are interested in s*x not in permanent relationship.

It is their nature.

Even in thinking men and women differ very much.

Their body structure is different.

You as a woman should be careful in such situation.

Men lose nothing - Women lose everything

Answer 3

Being a man has nothing to do with his being an insensitive jerk. You knew him this long and chances are he is not going to change.  Quit enabling his game playing and don't speak to him for an extended period of time.  If he doesn't come around then what's the loss?  Game playing is an equal opportunity sport.

Answer 4

just say **** it. he obviously is a selfish prick, run dont walk!

Answer 5

I have taken continuous note of the "Why do MEN..." do whatever.

This seems to be a constant and perpetual problem when women state questions.  I take the same exception with men who do the "Why do WOMEN..." do whatever.

What I am saying here is, you are making the broadest assumption, including ALL men...as if, for example, I, as a man, play mind games (which I do not!).  This attitude is about as right as asking why do all women do " "?  

Doesn't this generalization bug you?  Aren't you irked by being lumped in with all other women who supposedly do this or that thing?

I would rephrase you question, to "Why does MY BOYFRIEND..." do... or "Why does MY HUSBAND..."...do?

This makes it clearer.  It is just one person who happensto be a man who is doing whatever to or with you.

I personally HATE mind games and one-upsmanship.  What a waste of time.

Now - Let's answer your question from my perspective.  Why did you call him at work and grill him?  He probably got turned off by that and now he is having second thoughts.  What drove you to question him?

You should be seeing that it was you in fact, who instigated this.  Now, you are blaming him.  If he had called YOU out of a gut feeling and grilled you, just how would you feel and react to it?  It might, in fact, give you second thoughts.

He is probably thinking about things. Some people (not just all men or all women) do that when they are having a problem they cannot figure out how they feel about.

You are going to have to figure out a way to communicate with him because that is the only answer.  Some people (not ALL men or women) play games by doing the "silent routine."  This is a way of telling you that you hurt their feelings and now they are getting back at you for doing that...your punishment is to sit there and worry about them until it drives you nuts.

The silent treatment (as I call it) is the hardest tactic of evasion to overcome in any relationship.  How can you communicate when they will not open up and communicate with you?

The other concern I would have is, if he is going to do this to you now, how will it be like married to him?  He is bound to continue with it and it will be even harder after the knot is tied.

You have some final decisions to make about what you are going to do or not do about it.

Answer 6

immaturity, and control issues.

Hes thinking with the wrong head.

Answer 7

Some really good answers you are getting here so far.

Here's my pennys worth.

He is uncertain, afraid and getting cold feet.  He still needs to grow up and so do you (a little).  Don't be shaken up by this.

I think he is feeling the pressure of where this is leading and lacking some self esteem / confidence.  I don't mean dating for a number of months and talking about your future together but the knowing each other for 10 years part.  I think he feels the relationship 'should' head somewhere now or that you really want to but isnt ready for it.  Take it easy.  Build confidence in yourself and remember how wonderful you are and what a lucky man the one you choose will be to have you in his life.  

What you should do is nothing !  (other than may be tell him that it upset and confuse you to have him being hot & cold, you don't like this feeling and so you are just going to get on with life) Don't chase after him nor be drawn to give him negative attention by getting worried about it.  He will come round if he is brave enough.

Answer 8

Lots of girls do too I think you don't know each other yet. he may be a flake or lying to you or you may be a booty call. give it time. don't rush into these things. too many people do that is why the divorce rate is so darn high

Answer 9

Bear in mind that us guys never really grow up. Most of us have good intentions and try to do our best but we all have flaws. Most of us are afraid to say what we mean and are afraid to commit because we like having options and don't want to make ourselves vulnerable. I think you need to try and understand guys (goodness knows I've spent years trying to understand women) and decide whether you really want a guy who can't make his mind (which is most of us) or look really hard for the right guy that will. Not much help is it?

Answer 10

Cupcake, get this into your head and remember it: When a man is genuinely interested in a woman, there's nothing that can keep him away. Pussyfooting about and changing his mind as often as his pants mean one thing: he's just not that into you. Kiss him goodbye and find someone more dependable.