Why do some men want a mistress?

Question

Why would a guy want a mistress when he has a wife? Why do they want "to have their cake and to eat it too"? How do they deal with the emotional aspect of it? Some people say it's just for s*x, but then why do they buy them presents and give them money?

Answer 1

I think this quote sums up the entire situation of men and mistresses, "Hon why are you doing that we have been married for 28 years now." 



This is another interesting response to a question for my wife, "baby, will you please join me in the hot tub?"  Answer, "we have been married for 28 years I really don't want to get wet and I just don't like the chemicals." 

My mistress will say, "I love you and of course I will do anything for you and enjoy it."

My advice to you wives out there... if you want to keep your man happy when he comes home from work today please give him the attention he deserves as soon as he enters your home.  Your man needs you and if you don't meet his needs he WILL find another woman who will meet his needs.  When we discuss character perhaps wives out there should reexamine themselves before judging men like me who are tired of paying all the bills, tired of managing YOUR daily problems and maybe for once in our lives we would enjoy a woman who cares for our needs. 

A professional man

 

Answer 2

rgaje rules Men have mistresses because if given the opportunity depending on the situation men will cheat no matter how moral they may be temptation is there. Pastors are humans beings they cheat, so are politicians they cheat,high profile men cheat, businessmen cheat married men cheat even wifes can cheat its 2011 people! and they can all live a double life.(It happens all the time its just some people know how to hide it.) Sometimes even the type of person you would never imagine will be a cheater a great provider for his family  a person with high moral values can secretly be a cheater because of the guilt he/she may or may not feel.  It all the depnds on the person and their values not everyone has the same values.

Men cheat because they know how to seperate the reality from fantasy! also women constantly nagging and complaining may annoy a man even a women who takes all the mans money puts a damper on the relationship where he may feel shes with him only for his money so he may cheat with a woman who doesnt expect anything in return monetery wise and h**l give her whatever she wants even money it may be he is missing a very important aspect of a emotional relationship that he may have physical relationship with the other woman. The other woman may rub his ego teeling him how she may want him and that hes hot! That hes good or great at what he does so the man will want to be with a woman who makes him ffel wanted and special.

I belive men keep their wifes not for love , but for show  or financial  children and society obligation also for laundry and cooking  shelter and the security that no matter what may happen even if he cheats she will still be there. The majority of men dont want to be the bad guy so they dont leave the wife for the judgemental repreucussions of society, church, neigbors and  either they are cowards or dont want to change their lives no matter how great the s*x it with the mistress.

At the same time though the man does not want to let go of the mistress because maybe deep down inside he may be in love with her but may not want to admit it.

A man will have a mistress because maybe she does look better than the wife  takes care of her body face is attractive plus the variety of s*x she will give good blow jobs, suck the mans balls, let him give her anal s*x anal l*****g and  she will  wear the raunchy thongs, s**y under wear and have a good smelling and beautiful v****a with a brazilian wax.  Whats not to like about that?

Maybe the mistress and the man are a perfect sexual match were the s*x drives are in sync with each other the mistress may have a tighter v****a where the wife may be loose from having so many children.

Maybe the wife let herself go and doesnt fix herself up for her man maybe he wouldnt have a mistress!

 

Answer 3

It is very funny how the "other woman" is percieved as a home wrecker. I am the other woman and don't force him to come over, talk, call or text, there are no expectations in our situation. We talk everyday and I don't call, if I do maybe once a week, I'm not the one to play on the ph, show up at his house, job, or "hers".

We know what we do and maybe it's not right but when two people feel each other you cannot stop the feeling of attraction, trying new "play tactics", simple talks and a good ole laugh. Although the time is somewhat short sometimes, he never misses a beat. The time spent with me-he never has to worry about the nagging, complaining, bills, kids, or any other concerning issue that comes up with wifey. Mistress, special friend or close homegirl whatever you want to call it is on his mind when he is laying next to her at night and when he wakes up it's a matter of time before he relaxes and watches me watch him enjoying it.

Wives! If you call excessively throughout the day, go through his ph, making accusations you are not sure of, follow him, ride by his job to see if his car is there....or a neighborhood, think every woman he meets he's doing, and or call numbers out of his ph..........He is not the hubby material you thought he was and your own insecurity is worse than ever which is why he does what he does!

Answer 4

why stay married if u want someone else and a mistress is nothing more than a unpaid hoare

 

who likes to think shes important cos some guy is doing her in the batooty..

the problem is not the mistress its the fact people tie themselves up financially so badly they cant escape so they are forced to live double lives...

 

also i think the hunter thing is valid

Answer 5

for mental releave...apparently they make life easy as compared to the wife coz for once you get to spend time with someone who wont have to remind you about how many debt you have or how much money you owe school fees for the kids, and no one has to nag you about anything instead they bring out the best in you.

Answer 6

It's not just men.. Married women stray from home too.. I get offers from married women from time to time. I haven't taken them up on their offers though.. Its flattering but I don't want to contribute to the problems it could cause at home.

People simply aren't wired to think only about one lover. Thats just romanticized BS and social pressure talking. If we would all be honest with ourselves and each other about this, and understand the difference between love and s*x, we'd all be better off.

Answer 7

Perhaps it's the excitement of the hunt? Maybe a man has enough love in his heart for 2 women? It might be the fact that he gets  what's missing in the marriage.

Answer 8

Because women don't know how to please their husbands, remember the old saying she has to be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen,and a w***e in the bedroom, it's usually the w***e part that they forget, if women would follow those simple rules men won't have to go out looking.

Answer 9

I've seen plenty of selfish wives who drive their husbands - basically DARING them to go elsewhere. Will blatantly tell their husbands that they will no longer have s*x with them and if they go elsewhere will take everything they own.

Answer 10

It's clear from all the interaction here that there isn't one answer...just like one size does not fit all.

For instance, if a man marries a women who isn't as interested in s*x as he, or doesn't like doing all the things he likes, isn't that just setting himself up for being unhappy?!  Do men just accept that they can cheat, have mistresses in that scenerio?  Shouldn't people either compromise for love, or marry someone more fitting to their needs?

Basically, we ALL need to grow up!  Women are unfaithful also - and I think you either have that element in your personality, or you don't.

I'm still single, and this is mainly because I haven't found someone who has the same s*x drive as myself who fits in other ways.  I'm not afraid to be alone also, so there is no way I would marry and then have s*x with someone else to fill in the gaps.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought filling in the gaps with someone else was OK either.

I have been a mistress in the past, and its less fun than it sounds.  I became a mistress because I didn't want a full time relationship and didn't want someone to want a relationship with me when I wasn't ready.  I didn't want to have to deal with that.  The married man I was a mistress or lover to understood my reasons, and I was fine with his life, his wife, etc, and could even put up with only having s*x with him every few months, as long as the night we spent together was all about flirtation, fun, s*x, experimenting, creativity.

We cared about each other but that was in control.  I knew all about his life.  What was unacceptable to me was him being on s*x sites also.  A beautiful wife who loved him and did everything for him but just a few things in the bedroom, and a mistress who loved s*x, experimenting and enjoyed the same things in the bedroom he did, did what his wife wouldn't, and yet he still wanted to surf s*x sites...

I asked him to not be on those sites, gave my reasons.  He said he wouldn't, gave his reasons, but months later, I found him back on those sites.  Even though he said he was happy at home and happy with me as his mistress.

I felt I compromised too much to please him.  I would have prefer a lot more s*x a lot more often and to the standard I expected, but actually didn't get it.

So maybe you are right that when men get all they want, they don't want it anymore.  But how stupid!

Basically, whatever this man had the way he wanted it, it wasn't enough.  It's the same with men like him.  It's not about the women AT ALL!  Its not about even them getting what they want from someone other than their wife AT ALL.  I finally realised that he was a man who was running away from himself, to a fantasy life, where he could lie and cheat and be someone else with a stranger.

He hated himself, deep down.

I don't go for that mid-life crisis stuff.  We all have changes every 10 years - stuff we didn't deal with in our previous decaded tend to come back and bite us if we don't deal with it.  Women tend to deal with that stuff better.  Men deal with it too... the ones who don't are the ones who dig their heads in and live in a fantasy world.

Its quite sad actually.

And I think I have to say once a cheater, likely the guy will do it again...

The guy cheated in his first marriage with the women who became his 2nd wife...and he was cheating on her all through the relationship, through the engagement, and with me that last year of their marriage...and they have only been married 2 years!  And also on s*x sites too?!  Its all about him making himself believe he is attractive to every women.

How his wife hasn't figured out what he is up to, I don't know.  I knew he was back on the s*x sites when our evenings together became more about him wanting to talk than be about the s*x, which s*x was what I was there for - friendship too - but it was about s*x.

It wasn't about the women in his life!  It was all about him!  And those s*x sites actually made him a worse lover!

Answer 11

It's clear from all the interaction here that there isn't one answer...just like one size does not fit all.

For instance, if a man marries a women who isn't as interested in s*x as he, or doesn't like doing all the things he likes, isn't that just setting himself up for being unhappy?!  Do men just accept that they can cheat, have mistresses in that scenerio?  Shouldn't people either compromise for love, or marry someone more fitting to their needs?

Basically, we ALL need to grow up!  Women are unfaithful also - and I think you either have that element in your personality, or you don't.

I'm still single, and this is mainly because I haven't found someone who has the same s*x drive as myself who fits in other ways.  I'm not afraid to be alone also, so there is no way I would marry and then have s*x with someone else to fill in the gaps.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought filling in the gaps with someone else was OK either.

I have been a mistress in the past, and its less fun than it sounds.  I became a mistress because I didn't want a full time relationship and didn't want someone to want a relationship with me when I wasn't ready.  I didn't want to have to deal with that.  The married man I was a mistress or lover to understood my reasons, and I was fine with his life, his wife, etc, and could even put up with only having s*x with him every few months, as long as the night we spent together was all about flirtation, fun, s*x, experimenting, creativity.

We cared about each other but that was in control.  I knew all about his life.  What was unacceptable to me was him being on s*x sites also.  A beautiful wife who loved him and did everything for him but just a few things in the bedroom, and a mistress who loved s*x, experimenting and enjoyed the same things in the bedroom he did, did what his wife wouldn't, and yet he still wanted to surf s*x sites...

I asked him to not be on those sites, gave my reasons.  He said he wouldn't, gave his reasons, but months later, I found him back on those sites.  Even though he said he was happy at home and happy with me as his mistress.

I felt I compromised too much to please him.  I would have prefer a lot more s*x a lot more often and to the standard I expected, but actually didn't get it.

So maybe you are right that when men get all they want, they don't want it anymore.  But how stupid!

Basically, whatever this man had the way he wanted it, it wasn't enough.  It's the same with men like him.  It's not about the women AT ALL!  Its not about even them getting what they want from someone other than their wife AT ALL.  I finally realised that he was a man who was running away from himself, to a fantasy life, where he could lie and cheat and be someone else with a stranger.

He hated himself, deep down.

I don't go for that mid-life crisis stuff.  We all have changes every 10 years - stuff we didn't deal with in our previous decaded tend to come back and bite us if we don't deal with it.  Women tend to deal with that stuff better.  Men deal with it too... the ones who don't are the ones who dig their heads in and live in a fantasy world.

Its quite sad actually.

And I think I have to say once a cheater, likely the guy will do it again...

The guy cheated in his first marriage with the women who became his 2nd wife...and he was cheating on her all through the relationship, through the engagement, and with me that last year of their marriage...and they have only been married 2 years!  And also on s*x sites too?!  Its all about him making himself believe he is attractive to every women.

How his wife hasn't figured out what he is up to, I don't know.  I knew he was back on the s*x sites when our evenings together became more about him wanting to talk than be about the s*x, which s*x was what I was there for - friendship too - but it was about s*x.

It wasn't about the women in his life!  It was all about him!  And those s*x sites actually made him a worse lover!

Answer 12

Look at each individual man case. Don't just bang the man for getting mistress. I dont have mistress yet. But i am thinking too.First i dont get s*x at all the whole year from wife. (coz wife has disease which reduce her s*x desire to zero), what i has the high s*x urge , what i supposed to do ? control it until i made some big mistake like molesting some girls... then bladdy h**l the society will blame the poor man... some more wife s not giving any emotional comfort as well..so d**n what i supposed to do...rather i just have one mistress...same time does not trouble or pressure my wife into asking emotional or s*x thing....so it depends some time it is situation...for the life goes on smmotly...u think i like to have mistress...of course if wife can give all ...why i wanna go for mistress

Answer 13

WELL I'M YHE OTHER WOMAN AND FROM WHAT THE GUY HAS SAID IS THE WIFE,THEY HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 13 YEARS AND SHE HAS CHANGED SO MUCH NOT A GOOD CHANGE,SO I THINK THAT ALL THE WIFES OUT THERE SHOULD TAKE CARE OF THEIR MAN AN TRY TO SATISFIED EVERY NEED, BECAUSE IF YOU DONT HE WILL GO OUT THERE AND LOOK FOR US.THE TIMES WITH HIM ARE SHORT BUT VERY FUN SO MUCH FUN THAT BEFORE HE GOES TO SLEEP NEXT TO HIS WIFE I MAKE SURE THAT HE IS THINKING ABOUT ME.IS BETTER BEING THE MISTRESS THAN THE WIFE.

Answer 14

because they are weak. I am still with my bf.... 2 years this dec...
and he has bene livng with his ex for the last 2 months...
we are still together...
he says she is leaving...
who knows...
I dont get why she sold her house 3 hours away, to move to our town, if its 'TEMPORARY "

men are pigs

Answer 15

What alot of you dont realize is that a husband keeping a mistress has less to do with his wife and more to do with how he feels about himself and and his sexual performance and where he is in respect to acomplishing his goals in life.If he dosent feel good about himself he is using the mistress to try to fix things about himself that he dosent like. He needs affirmation  from her that he is a stud  and can still hit it even though he may be 40 years old and that he is still attractive to younger women. It has nothing to do with what his wife is doing or not doing. Men are very insecure creatures.

Answer 16

What alot of you dont realize is that a husband keeping a mistress has less to do with his wife and more to do with how he feels about himself and and his sexual performance and where he is in respect to acomplishing his goals in life.If he dosent feel good about himself he is using the mistress to try to fix things about himself that he dosent like. He needs affirmation  from her that he is a stud  and can still hit it even though he may be 40 years old and that he is still attractive to younger women. It has nothing to do with what his wife is doing or not doing. Men are very insecure creatures.

Answer 17

What alot of you dont realize is that a husband keeping a mistress has less to do with his wife and more to do with how he feels about himself and and his sexual performance and where he is in respect to acomplishing his goals in life.If he dosent feel good about himself he is using the mistress to try to fix things about himself that he dosent like. He needs affirmation  from her that he is a stud  and can still hit it even though he may be 40 years old and that he is still attractive to younger women. It has nothing to do with what his wife is doing or not doing. Men are very insecure creatures.

Answer 18

What alot of you dont realize is that a husband keeping a mistress has less to do with his wife and more to do with how he feels about himself and and his sexual performance and where he is in respect to acomplishing his goals in life.If he dosent feel good about himself he is using the mistress to try to fix things about himself that he dosent like. He needs affirmation  from her that he is a stud  and can still hit it even though he may be 40 years old and that he is still attractive to younger women. It has nothing to do with what his wife is doing or not doing. Men are very insecure creatures.

Answer 19

What alot of you dont realize is that a husband keeping a mistress has less to do with his wife and more to do with how he feels about himself and and his sexual performance and where he is in respect to acomplishing his goals in life.If he dosent feel good about himself he is using the mistress to try to fix things about himself that he dosent like. He needs affirmation  from her that he is a stud  and can still hit it even though he may be 40 years old and that he is still attractive to younger women. It has nothing to do with what his wife is doing or not doing. Men are very insecure creatures.

Answer 20

mistresses are not bad people. they do not go ut and look for your husband... your husband finds them because theyre lacking something in you relationship. with a mistress they get to explore theirown creativity, without being sho9t down, or ignored, or getting introuble. some men have fetishes that seem too strange to ask a wife to do... mistresses get respect, but also give it to the client. once again, they didnt find your husband, he found them...

Answer 21

You are asking lots of different questions here; first thing first why do men want a mistress when he has a wife? the question to this is very simple; men are hunters by nature and willing or unwilling the hunt never ends. smart wives are those who understand that and never allow the hunt to end, they take care of themselves, they tease, they play hard to get (not once in two months though), they lead on, they understand the verbal and noneverbal communication and use it to the best of their advantage and in doing so they always have the man of their life living up to his end.

Now for the rest of the wives who in most cases no longer do all of the above and then wonder why their husband does not pay attention. imagine you go for hunting and the hunt just stands infront of you without making any attempt to run; there would be no thrill in it; you can't talk about it, everyone knows it was the easiest catch for you but the one that made you work for it, it made sure you had to try your best to hunt it, is the one you will talk about in great details. the mistress do that, they make you work for it, they do the things you wife no longer does, they give you the wet dreams, its not just s*x but it's also the time well spent, eating out, going for movies, vacation or inner office quickiesss the list goes on and on.

if the mistress affair is only about s*x; it normally starts fast and ends fast, especially if the mistress makes it too easy. the affairs that lost longer are those that are more than just s*x, they give you emotional feelings your wife ignores, they listen when your wife doesn't and they don't mind actually the encourage the sexual positions that your wife hates.

Purchasing gifts; men don't purchase gifts for just s*x, if it is only s*x it does not come with any additional benefits but if it is fullfillment; it does come with gifts and the mistresses do appricate it in true sense when the wife is never staisfied. if you bring her a ring, she wanted the one with dimond, if you brought her a watch she wanted the one that her friend has, if you bring her a rose, she wants one every day. main point being some wives no longer appricate, it takes a lot for a man to go and buy something for you and when you don't love it they no longer do it. on the other hand the mistress loves it, shows it and even sucks you off for it...........

Answer 22

It's all about s*x fulfilling their needs, get the a*****e out of your life!

Answer 23

Men do not 'want' mistresses (a person with whom they share an emotional as well as personally intimite relationship) in the sence of a possession.  Men take a mistress to their side as they find her to provide the same relationship that he has with his wife.  It is not an exclusive relationship, but an inclusive relationship that he seeks.  In other cultures the mistress is an accepted form by both the wife and the mistress, and would be more properly classfied as a co-wife.  They are not hidden from each other.  The USA has a unique moral hang up on mistresses, leading to divorce and abandoment, and serial monogomy.  And a huge cost to society.