Why do some muslim women try to put it in their marriage contract that their husband can't take another wife?!

Question

but...in the same breath, will see to it that the man gives her all the rights she's due from the qur'aan & sunnah. and want to deny him all his? not seeing that to forbid a man from taking another wife when he can afford it, is haraam, because muhammad sallahu 'alaihi wa salaam said; do not make the halaal haraam & do not make the haraam halaal. so...how can those sisters who do so, make haraam what allah ta'alaa said is halaal?

they ask a brother to give up one of his rights, but aren't willing to give up any of hers. and i'm not saying anyone should give up any right that allah ta'alaa gives you.

i just want an honest answer from muslim women.

please...no childish remarks. we're all adults here, so let's act like it.

Answer 1

If a woman chooses to make it a part of her marriage contract, it's her right. It's got nothing to do with making the haram halal and vice versa.

1) Marriage contracts including conditions from any one of the contractors are halal, owing to the fact that Muhammad (P.B.U.H) said : "The conditions which deserve the most to be fulfilled are those through which u make a woman halal for urself".

2) Do u expect a woman to make a condition for her husband such as: "u will not drink alcohol" or "u will not go to night clubs"? What kind of condition is that? It implies that she asserts that he is a drunkard, or a male prostitute, and yet wants to marry him, setting these conditions. An insulting presumption, what? But this goes against the Hadith which orders Muslims to marry their daughters to a man with the best character. If she is aware that she can set marriage conditions, why is she ignorant of the Islamic condition regarding the character of her future husband?

  What is the aim of authorizing men and women to set conditions in a marriage contract if there is nothing left to make conditions about, 'cause Allah has already specified all the rights? Or r u showing mistrust in ur God-fearing future spouse that he/she might not give u all the due rights after marriage?

Allah has granted men and women their respective rights. A person who won't fulfill them shouldn't be expected to fulfill man made conditions either

3) When u make a contract with a company as their employee, they can set their conditions. It is not haram for them to, for instance, to state in their contract that the employee can't eat snacks during the working hours. Allah has not prohibited Muslims from eating or drinking while they work. Why can the employer turn the halal into haram? If the employee doesn't like the condition, he/she can simply refuse the contract.

Similarly, Allah has given a man the right to marry again, even though he already has one. If a woman decides that she doesn't want to live with a man who's got a wife other than her, she has a right to make her choice. It's not obligatory upon her to marry such a man. If a man wants a wife who isn't going to work professionally after getting married, but take care of his home and kids, it's his right. He may choose not to enter the contract at all if the second party doesn't agree to his conditions.

4) In a contract, the only conditions which are religiously illegal are those which make u do something Allah doesn't allow. The ones which make u do haram stuff. Like if a company requires it's  employees to deal in alcohol or pork, a Muslim employee simply shouldn't sign that contract, because once he/she signs the contract, he/she will have to abide by the conditions.

Is it haram for men to keep just 1 wife, and not remarry?

A man came to Umar (R.A) during his caliphate, and complained about his wife. He said that his wife had set a condition in the marriage contract that he wouldn't require of her to live in his house. She had decided to stay at her own place. He had signed the contract.

Now, the man declared that he had made a house for himself and his wife which was even better than that of hers. She couldn't object to living there with him. Why should she object when he was giving her something better? Why couldn't she be less stubborn?

Umar (R.A) replied: "When a condition has been made, it is ur duty to fulfill it. And marriage contracts should be fulfilled to the very last degree"

The man protested" but the Muslim women of will ruin their men this way! They'll reign over them"

Umar (R.A) restated:" This is Islam, and the Muslims must fulfill the promises in their contracts, once made".

Answer 2

No my dear brother it isnt haram UNLESS the man treats BOTH wifes equally AND can provide for EACH wife and family EQUALLY. If the man doesn't provide one the same as the other than it is haram so be carefull with that, make sure that you can support them both.

Answer 3

People must understand that polygamy (more correct term, polygyny) is not a commandment from Allah in the Qur'an.  Neither is it a pillar of faith nor an article of faith.  Monogamy is the rule; polygyny, a very, very strict exception with very, very strict directives, rules, and regulations which must be adhered to.  A man should think of polygyny as a choice, not his right.  

Personally, I think a man should not even think of taking on a second wife when he can barely handle taking care of himself, let alone a first wife.

Answer 4

idk how to answer ure question because it confuses me to some extent.

Now, I'm Muslim, but I honestly say that nowadays, polygamy is just unnecessary. I mean...who actually has more than one wife other than the King of Saudi?

Now I agree, what's haram should not be made halal and what's halal should not be made haram.

Answer 5

No woman can stand her husband being with another woman. Nowadays, it is absolutely ridiculous to take on another wife.

Answer 6

ok since many have already given proof that it's permissible for a man to have plural marriages if he can justly treat everyone fairly and provide equally i'll move on to responding to some posters.

now i am american and live in the US and know of many people practicing polygamy and yes sometimes the sisters may not like it but it is his right. as long as he CAN be just what's the problem. as for reasons many times it may be that his wife cannot bear children,so does that mean he should remain childless? i don't think so.  yes women are jealous but it's something we need to get a handle on,b/c it's permissible and he doesn't need to get permission from her either, but it is recommended he tell her as to not cause problems betwn them. i would caution any brother or sister to question their choice of spouse if they want you to sign a contract giving up the rights Allah suhanna wa'ta ala has given to both men and women. those who deny any ayat also deny the religion, which is definitely haraam. you can not pick and choose what parts of Qu'ran and sunnah you will abide by. in islaam it's all or nothing.  what really pisses me off are these secular muslims who want to be like the kufar and say they don't want to follow the commandments of our CREATOR. now as long as he's giving you,your rights shut up and deal!

would i be happy if my hubby took another wife probably not as i have a personal situation that would definitely make me jealous but as long as HE was providing justly btwn us then how can i deny him his. i know that when  and if my husband should financially be able to afford to do this i know he will do so i'm trying to prepare myself for the enevitable,but polygamy happens a lot more on in america then people realize we just don't go advertising it like the FLDS church does nor do we practice pedophilia like they do. please do not equivilate that w/polygamy they are TWO seperate issues. my sisters i urge you to FEAR your LORD and stop this nonsense b/c disobedience and being ungrateful is the reason why more women will be in the hellfire. i say to those who deny this ayat that you make dua for patience and guidance on this issue.

Answer 7

ok ur question really makes me angry..so ur saying we as women should deal with it!!!!!???

OH NO

im for polygamy...if the 2 sides agree and it isnt forced..u need to go find someonewho accepts of it and stop getting hot headed because MOST women arent having their men shared with another female!!!

u must of lost it son!

this question really ticked me off!!!!

Answer 8

It's not haram if the two agree to it. Most guys can't even handle one wife correctly let alone two, so it's probably not the worst idea. Even so, all the contract means is that she can divorce him if he strays from her bed; which she would probably do anyway, normally.

However, without a prenuptual agreement to the contrary, a Muslim man does have the right to take a second wife without the first wife's permission, simply because it is rare to find a wife who would give permission for that, and there are some cases, and Allah knows best, when it's necessary.

Answer 9

Because they either were growing up in the West where polygamy is forbidden, or they are jealous and think that ALLAH(Subhanna wa ta'ala) only applied polygamy for the time of Muhammad(Salla Allahu alahi Wa Salaam) Astaghirfullah!  I'm the second wife and American myself. I knew I was the second wife before I got married and it took me 10 months of my marriage to get used to the idea.  But now Alhamdulillah everything is fine with me.  Anyway I agree, we have no buisness making something haraam that is hala.  It's just jealousy which is a tool of the devil getting in the way of women's emotions.

Answer 10

i thought it was haram for women to do that!!!

Answer 11

haha sulaiman, i know why u posted this question, lmao...i thought it was funni when i figured it out.

but to answer your question, a woman cannot handle shring her husband, well that is my opinion. :-)

Answer 12

Some muslim women try to put in their marriage contract that their husbands can not take another wife because they do not want to divide or to share  their husbands'love with another women.A wife normally wants to monopolize the husband's love only for her although polygamy is halal in line with the holy Qur'an.It is not meant that the halal polygamy is changed  to become haram by the marriage contract because the contract is only binded the husband and his wife  which should be agreed by both of them.

The contract is the promise of a husband that he does not want to take another muslim woman as his wife.

Answer 13

i know i would put that too in my contract.

no women enjoys having "the other halal women"

Answer 14

Ok well you need to understand that the circumstances and times which Mohammad (saw) lived in where in no way similar to ours. Mohammad (saw) made it permissable because men were outnumbered by women due to so many wars and battles which were being fought, and many women were either left orphans or widows having nobody to take care of them. Now, that's not necessarily a problem. An orphan can work and support herself, so can a widow. Now a days, a man who uses polygamy as his right is not thinking about the woman's right. There has to be a reason, this is 2008- I don't think any woman is ok with marrying someone just because she doesn't have family. This is no longer practical. I am however, NOT saying that which is made halal by Allah is no longer halal. But in our circumstances, it's not the only option we have left.

And just like someone here mentioned, most men can't handle 1 responsiblity, why would they take up another? Why would a widow be in a better state if she marries a man who can't take care of her when she can take better care of herself?

Answer 15

you must see it from the womans point of view, considering how emotional we women are. many men just think with their you know what.

as women we want to feel loved and special, so when someone comes into the equation, you basically have to fight to attention and try to be the favorite. imagine having to share your wife with a guy hotter than you! that would suck!

Answer 16

To me it sounds like un-islamic.But women get jealous easily,we cant do anything about it.

Answer 17

Firstly, if you read the conditions of the ayah about taking more wives carefully, you will see the the first most important condition is that it is to take care of the orphans.

This ayah was sent down in times of war, when many good Muslim men were killed on the battlefield and many women were left needy and unprovided for with no means to take care of their children.

So, you can only marry a woman in times like that, and only a widow in need.

Sadly this verse gets misused by many. They take a 2nd wife out of lust, or because they are temporarily in another country, or for what ever other reason, which is wrong in the first place.

So this is no free right brother! Next to that the ayah also states if you can't treat them equally than marry only one.

Now, be very honest here...... would it be possible for any man to feel the same way for 2 women? He'll always have a favourite!

His heart will always be more with one of them.....

So is it haram to state in your Nikkah you do not allow a 2nd wife? I do not think so. You protect your husband from making a potential error to start with.

If ever a time should arise that we are at war and many good muslim men do die and there was a widow with children that was in need of protection from my husband, i probably would rethink, because that would be my duty.

Although my husband would not marry another, because he is of the opinion that he could not treat a 2nd wife fairly anyways, because he could not love any one the same way as he loves me.

Edit: Sulaiman, it is indeed for ALL time; when the need arises and there are widows and orphans that need to be taken care of. Not in 'normal' times!

Answer 18

well brother you are taking this a bit out of context.  First a woman cannot put in her contract that her husband cannot have a second wife.  No human being can deny anyone a right given by Allah swt.  What she can put in her contract however is that if he takes a second wife, she (the first wife) does not have to agree and he must divorce her.  Not being a co-wife is a right in Islam.  No woman has to accept it if she does not want to and that is a mercy from Allah swt.

Answer 19

if he don't like it , he has the choice not to marry her

what's wrong with that

Answer 20

obviously, they *both* agree to it being in the contract. if the man feels like he is being denied a right, he wouldnt sign it and marry this woman.

also, most women have jealousy for their husbands so they want to ensure that there wont be problems within their marriage in the future. If they waited until 10 years later to find their husband wants to take wife #2, that might mean a divorce for the woman.

you wouldnt say that the man is being denied his rights if you were the woman, now would you?

Answer 21

that's selfish of her... im american but im just guessing here.. most women, no matter what race or religion , like their men to themselves, how would you feel seeing your partner with someone else?? whether its legal or not?? and all human beings like others to change or give something up, but would like to stay with their habits and customs.. in a way it kind of applies to your situation.

Answer 22

Because polygamy is not a right, it is a conditioned toleration...

I wonder if Wolf's cowife would have the same little speech to give...

Anyway I know girls who grew up in polygamy and they are going to put a clause against it in their contract, from experience.  Their childhood was not a disaster, but from their fathers mistake they learned...

Answer 23

what ever the contract may be it CAN NOT override ,Commands and Laws of Allah Allmighty in Glorious Quran..

the commands of Allah Allmighty are FINAL..

polygamy is no joke, conditions and restrictions are applied to polygamy,in Glorious Quran

Polygamy was a way of life until the Quran was revealed 1400 years ago. When the earth was young and under-populated, polygamy was one way of populating it and bringing in the human beings needed to carry out God's plan. By the time the Quran was revealed, the world had been sufficiently populated, and the Quran put down the first limitations against polygamy.

Polygamy is permitted in the Quran, but under strictly observed circumstances. Any abuse of this divine permission incurs severe retribution. Thus, although polygamy is permitted by God, it behooves us to examine our circumstances carefully before saying that a particular polygamous relationship is permissible.

Our perfect example here is the prophet Muhammad. He was married to one wife, Khadijah, until she died. He had all his children, except one, from Khadijah. Thus, she and her children enjoyed the Prophet's full attention for as long as she was married to him; twenty-five years. For all practical purposes, Muhammad had one wife - from the age of 25 to 50. During the remaining 13 years of his life, he married the aged widows of his friends who left many children. The children needed a complete home, with a fatherly figure, and the Prophet provided that. Providing a fatherly figure for orphans is the only specific circumstance in support of polygamy mentioned in the Quran (4:3).

Other than marrying widowed mothers of orphans, there were three political marriages in the Prophet's life. His close friends Abu Bakr and Omar insisted that he marry their daughters, Aisha and Hafsah, to establish traditional family ties among them. The third marriage was to Maria the Egyptian; she was given to him as a political gesture of friendship from the ruler of Egypt.

This perfect example tells us that a man must give his full attention and loyalty in marriage to his wife and children in order to raise a happy and wholesome family.

The Quran emphasizes the limitations against polygamy in very strong words:

"If you fear lest you may not be perfectly equitable in treating more than one wife, then you shall be content with one." (4:3)

"You cannot be equitable in a polygamous relationship, no matter how hard you try." (4:129)

The Quranic limitations against polygamy point out the possibility of abusing God's law. Therefore, unless we are absolutely sure that God's law will not be abused, we had better resist our lust and stay away from polygamy. If the circumstances do not dictate polygamy, we had better give our full attention to one wife and one set of children. The children's psychological and social well-being, especially in countries where polygamy is prohibited, almost invariably dictate monogamy. A few basic criteria must be observed in contemplating polygamy:

1. It must alleviate pain and suffering and not cause any pain or suffering.

2. If you have a young family, it is almost certain that polygamy is an abuse.

3. Polygamy to substitute a younger wife is an abuse of God's law (4:19).

Answer 24

If a woman can have any condition she wants in the marriage contract.  If husband signed the contract accepting the condition,  he has to abice by the condition.  Or he can take his marriage procession back to his home without getting married.  It is also very humiliating to go back unmarried.

If he decides to go back, the woman will soon be defamed and others will think hard before marrying her. Simple.

Marriage contract is binding contract.  She can have him signed that if he divorces her, he will have to pay her certain amount of money and house etc.  If he agreed he has to pay all that.

It is not necessarily unfair only to women.  She should have courage to make him agree what ever she wants for her future  if the man really really loves her too much and is willing to marry her at any cost.  Besides Arabs most Muslim men of other Muslim countries marry one wife and live with her all their life unless  marriage life doesn't work because of too much conflict of personalities.  But most of them are generous in giving to wife at the time of divorce.  According to command of Allah in Quran, men never take back from wife what they give her as gift, like car, house, jewelliers etc.

Answer 25

I find its clearly because of the influence of societies and cultures... because of fear of things in this life, and less fear of Allah (i don't mean, they don't fear Allah)..

I myself have no problem to this as long as my husband would give me my rights.

lol..  but my husband wud not want as its too hard to handle.

I've seen many ppl with more than one wife around the arab world.  But I didn't really see them fighting each other or being jealous (i'm sure things come up at times, its human).  Rather very helping to each other when one is sick, or one is expecting etc.

I've also spoken with some sisters online some years ago, one of whom was left on her own with two kids to raise on her own, and no help... noone to take care of her children, noone to bring food etc. and she was a 2nd wife, and she wud volunterily give up cirtain rights as she was busy raising her children.. and so this way, she was a happy women.  

to answer your question... I do find what these sisters r doing is *selfish for taking the right of a man and not placing trust in Allah.

(many many sisters in the west do this... and subhanallah, if just the thought was brought up, their faces fill up with jealousy b4 anything takes place)

but according to the rules of Allah, and the rights given to each of us...   doesn't sound very nice! claiming all your rights from him but not giving him his....

On the other hand, the evil men who don't rule their life by the rules of Allah, but uses the ruling of taking plural wife is also seen in many parts of the Muslim land... now THAT... I think the women should fear, and take caution from... becuz it has the risk of not getting her rights, or even getting abused or mostly left on her own etc.

And I also think, the man who is evil, he doesn't keep promises... he would go and marry another regardless anyway.

but is that a haraam/sinful act by sisters?

I mean haraam to the extent of saying to the sister, "hey! that's a sin"... "u'l get punished for it"

i don't know... Allah knows best.