Why do some people bring children into this world when their marriage is on the rocks?

Question

My brother and his ex were married for 11 years and had 3 children together. My brother's ex wife always complained that my brother was a horrible husband, a lousy father, etc. I am not defending him, he really made a lot of mistakes. He cheated on his ex several times, didn't have any respect for her and always told me that he couldn't stand her but he didn't want to divorce her because he felt very guilty. You see when my brother had a serious accident at work and couldn't work for 4 years she supported him financially and stood by him ( at that point they were not even married) So my brother always felt like he owed a lot to her and couldn't divorce her. Anyway, my ex sister-in-law told me many many times that her life with my brother was h**l. But they had THREE children together! My brother didn't want to have kids with her and she was on birth control. Every time my brother seriously considered divorcing her she "accidentally" got pregnant ( she said she missed 1 pill). Why would a woman want to have 3 children with someone who doesn't respect and love her? If she was so miserable with him why would she stay with him for a decade and get pregnant 3 times? I know a lot of women who did the same thing and I am trying to understand why women do that. Now my brother and his ex are divorced and poor kids are suffering!

Answer 1

There are just some things we will never understand. It's so easy to make the man pay for children. Some just don't get it. She has issues too. Just do the best you can to help your nieces and nephews when they come to you. Listen and be understanding. Remember do not blame the parents in front of them. Don't put either one down in front of the children. Just hope your brother can understand he needs to be a good dad even if he didn't want kids he has them.  

Answer 2

Some people are only happy when it rains...  she may not be as miserable as she lets on.

Answer 3

Because too many people think a baby will bond them and solve everything, or that their partner will love the child soo much, that some of that will spill over onto them, since they are the other parent, or they think someone is better than noone, so they pop out as many kids as they can trying to trap them there.

I agree with you 100%. I can't stand to see innocent children caught in the middle of selfish parents. Usually when it finally does end, one of the parents ends up using the children as a pawn, or refusing to let the other parent see the child causing even more grief. I just don't get that at all. They hate the ex more than they love their children I guess.

Answer 4

I have a friend like this. Her and her husband fight all the time. She blames much of it on he wont let her get a job and have her own money. However, when ever the youngest one gets old enough to be in school, her husband says, "well, do you want to get a job now". Next thing you know, she's pregnant. The girl has six kids. Of course, he is unhappy supporting 6 kids, and the two of them. She's unhappy because they are always broke. I asked her once, point blank, if your having problems in your marriage, and its about kids and money, why do you keep having them? She says to me, "how else he is going to stay with me... he wont leave me if he knows he has to support them because I can't do it on my own, it's the only way to keep him". She too, is supposed to be on birth control, and there is always some kind of problem with it. So, to her, the kids are some kind of pawn to keep him. One of these days, its going to backfire.

Answer 5

who knows, maybe she thought it was a way to keep him by having children with him, maybe she just wanted children and didnt care who with, i think alot of people just dont think about how things affect children

Answer 6

human nature, go figure, huh? i suppose there must be many reasons. maybe some women feel afraid to make it on their on? not just financially, some women may be afraid to date again or to go through the alone time after a recent divorce. maybe they define themselves by being a married woman or by who their husband is or what they do for work. in the case you are asking about, maybe she was too co-dependent to leave or she wanted to have him leave so she wouldn't appear to be "the bad guy". or maybe she felt that a baby would bring them closer and maybe it worked for awhile after the first child and then things fell apart again, and so she got pregnant again hoping things would get better and maybe they did or didn't and than maybe the last time she just wanted three kids so she cared more about what she wanted or if it brought them closer again, maybe she felt the child would give them a common bond to save their marriage? i'm sure a lot of women have done this. also, our society still tells women they are not complete unless they are married and to be a divorced woman is not easy maybe even harder than a bad marriage. most men do not want single women with kids and she may have realized this and she weighed this against being divorced. she may not even know why she made the choices she made. maybe you should ask her. it certainly is a good question. any way, i hope they find a common ground for the kids sake. at least they have you, right?

Answer 7

somewomen think that if they have kids it will make things better but in actualality it makes things worse for all for the woman and the kids and the man if and sometimes if hes catholic will stay with the woman for that also. its very sad situation .

Answer 8

You answered your own question.  Regardless of how bad the marriage was, what they each said about one another, you said every time he seriously considered divorcing her, she "accidentally" got pregnant.  So for everything she said he put her thru, she must not have honestly meant what she said.  I feel she had these children in attempt to hold on to him one way or another.  OR she did it because she knew he didn't want to have children & this was her ploy against his wishes.  The whole sad part as you stated are that they finally did get divorced & yes, the kids are the ones who suffer from being split from two loving parents.  This is the sad/selfish thing adults do w/no regard whatsoever of the children...Take care...:)

Answer 9

i believe that people do that cause they feel that it will make there relationship better. sometimes it can and sometimes it makes it worse. I also believe that the female does it to hold on to the man she loves or the guy does it to keep her around. idk but if ur relationship is ****** then what is the point ur just going to put the kid threw h**l and then they have to live in to familys. thats hard anough on a child as is. but hey thats me and my oppenion.

Answer 10

Because for the woman a child is a stream of income.  Your brother could have walked in on her and his best friend in their living room and he'd still have to pay her child support and alimony.  For a woman marriage has little risk and a lot of reward when it ends.

Answer 11

I think that some people may think that things will change if a child is involved and for some it does but for others it doesn't really change anything.  

Answer 12

I'm not going to lie, I didn't read any of your details.  But a lot of people think that having kids will save their marriage.  Not sure if that's true in your case, but it happens all the time.  It's sad for the kids :(