Why do some people confuse being nice with being weak?

Question

Let me give you an example. For the past 3 years 3 or 4 guys from my class have been terrible to me, insulting me (both my personality and looks) and making fun of me for no apparent reason even though they don't know me that well.

I've always been the bigger person, still being nice to them even though they didn't treat me with respect at all. On the contrary - I was humiliated every chance they got.

They seem to think that I'm weak. I'm just being kind. Why do people confuse it? And why do they choose to take advantage of it?

Answer 1

Because they're stupid. I understand, I've been in those situations. People confuse being nice with being passive. Once I let a boy borrow a pencil and a girl said I was too passive. I just wanted to lend him a pencil since he had none and I had extra!

The boys in your school are immature, they have nothing else to do. They have nothing on you so they pick on you for being nice. Its the only thing they can find since they don't know you too well. But if they are mean to you, its best that you stand up for yourself rather than just let it go. What they say may not mean much to you, but not taking a stand and telling them to stop creates this "pushover" persona. So they take advantage of that because they know you won't do anything. Its weird, shouldn't they pick on mean people instead of nice kids?

Don't worry too much. Be kind but assertive. Its a nice balance and you'll see that people will respect you more because you respect yourself. Your not weak, just nice. We need more nice people in this world.

Answer 2

in my opinion i would stop being nice to them because if this has been going on for years and its the same people then they obviously have a problem, they are very immature and ignorant. ignore them or just tell them to grow up or get a life. these people turn out to be the losers outside of school later in life.

The answer is simple they are plain ignorant !

Answer 3

I agree with Jan....being nice does not mean letting yourself get taken advantage of and made fun of. Stick up for yourself.  

Answer 4

Because they are bullies and I do not think bullies have a high enough intellectual quotient to distinguish between the difference. Actually they cannot have much self esteem themselves if they do not feel guilty about their actions. You are an outlet for their twisted minds.

The more you let them carry on, the longer they will continue.

Turning the other cheek is not always the solution.

At some point you have to stand up for youself and you have to teach people how to treat you. They will have more respect for you then I hope.

Otherwise please bring this matter to the school counsellor. If it is not you, it will be somebody else they will choose to pick on.

Although I have never been bullied, am a bit like you...ignore...but when too much gets too much there is a time to put a stop to it and show that you are made of stronger stuff.

Yes some people, even ordinary people, will easily take advantage of you if you constantly to agree to their demands, how outrageous they might be. I have experienced it myself to " keep the peace" until people demanded and expected more and more from me and it got worse and worse just bringing inner resentment and anger. It is never good to bottle negative feelings : they nag at you.  But you are not being true to yourself and maybe, please do not take badly, show that you are seeing yourself in high regard and have respect for yourself.

So at some point : enough is enough.

Indeed some people confuse niceness with weakness. Intelligent people will distinguish between the two and respect you and regard you if they see you are a nice people and will respect your boundaries

I have also been confused with being nice with being weak...but have not experienced this kind of bullying.

At some stage you have to choose. Is it good for you to be manipulated and being made fun of by those people ?

Others will not.

Please stop acting so nice...they only see you as a easy target and an easy victim who cannot stand up for herself.

Please stop for your own self-esteem. You might end up becoming very depressive and hating yourself as a result.

Am sorry about your situation........I hope things work out eventually.

Answer 5

That my friend is what me n mine call an :jail house attitude,where honesty is weak-ness.IRL outside world honesty is expected,show it,prove you are better then they are just by being yourself "honestly".Drop the crowd & keep the morals.Lies got short legs,they take a dump on you at the worst possible times, Think on it.

Answer 6

Hi there,

NOTE: This is my personal opinion. I am not a professional. Use advice at your own discretion.

Aww. That's not fair that these guys have been humiliating you...Makes you angry, huh?

Let me tell you something: It is often the "bully" or "tormenter" that sees kindness as a weakness, but in the long run, it is actually a strength. It shows a really big maturity...

I wish I could say that everyone respected your kindness, or kindness in general, but unfortunately, some people simply don't. (I know. Sad, huh?) Yeah, so just keep your head up.

Oh, and the worst thing you could EVER do is to believe what they say about you. Always know that you are a good person (and you are even showing them by respecting them).

Believe me, you are heading up for a good path in life. Always believe in yourself, alright?

I hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 7

You gave yourself the answer..Its called RESPECT !! They have none for you.. You are not being nice,,you ARE being WEAK!!  Sad to say,,people,bully's,,and some people who do these things because they can,,will find a person who will not stick up for themselves,or return disrespect with same, and will abuse the individual relentlessly.. The first time you counter their disrespect with a **** you a*****e,,(sorry for the language) a message will be sent  to them that you have had enough of it..Now,,what comes next will be either "hey ,I didn't mean anything by it",,or you will get confrontation like,,"what are you going to do about it?"  Then what you do is tell them,,If that's all they got to say to you,,you'd rather they just don't talk to you!! What you doing is sending a message.. You know,,you shouldn't have to put up with that..And from that point,, you avoid and ignore them..Eventually they'll get the message.. And if you have to see them on a regular and everyday basis,,limit your exposure time around them to a minimum..You'd be surprised what a counter response verbally will net..Regardless you'll be getting your point across..GOOD LUCK !!  SOLOMON

Answer 8

They take advantage of it because you allow them to.  Being a nice guy doesn't mean you let everyone else run roughshod over you.  Stick up for yourself.  Learn some snappy comebacks; they make fun of you again, then shoot them down; make them feel like idiots.