Why do some people get so worked up over the topic of daycare?

Question

I made a decision to put my daughter in daycare. Even when I was at home I felt bad that she wasn't interacting with other children. I feel pretty secure in my judgment that she is not being mistreated in daycare...and when she comes home counting in Spanish so I definitely know she's learning a thing or too.

Why do some people think a daycare facility is going to s***w their kid up?

BTW I'm not talking about parents that don't really think it's a bad idea, just not the choice for them. I'm talking about the parents that give you a shameful look when you say your kid is in daycare.

Answer 1

Because they have nothing better to do. There are some extremists out there that believe if you put your child in daycare you don't love them enough or are selfish. I guess they don't understand that in today's society that people have to work, especially if it's a single parent home. Isn't it better that your child is in daycare than you barely scraping by so you can stay home with her?

I'll never understand that. I'm fortunate enough to be able to stay at home but I know if a situation arose where I NEEDED to go back to work then I would, without a second thought. The point is to do your best to provide for your children and I think we can all agree on that.

ETA: Vwgirl, that first half of my response is totally for people like YOU. How can you call a person lazy for working so they can support their children?

Answer 2

Vwgirl you are the reason that questions like this are even asked.  Get off your high horse and stop being so darn judgemental and ignorant.

I'm sorry, I wasn't even going to answer your question because I don't think some daycares s***w kids up.  There are some places out there that don't take care of children the way they should, etc.  But if you are lucky enough to find a great daycare (as I have), then there's absolutely nothing wrong with it in my mind.

Answer 3

I think when a child is still a baby its not a good idea to put them in daycare...I think a good age is 3 or 4 cause GOD FORBID someone do something to them, then at least they can tell you, also its good for social skills and interacting with other kids! I am a paranoid mom so that's why I stay home but now I desperately need a job and am not worried about putting them in daycare...and I completely understand the moms that choose to or have to put their kids in daycare...

Answer 4

I've never heard anyone get as rude about it as you've described. For some families, both parents have to work to maintain their lifestyle. In my personal opinion, if someone has to bust their hump all day at the office and then come home and do even more work so they can keep driving their Mercedes and pay the mortgage on their 5 bedroom house (when they only have one kid), I think that's wrong and they're only hurting themselves. Families do not need all of that excess c**p to be happy. But I fully understand that I'll probably have to be a "working mom" when I have kids. Do I want to work outside the home? Not really. But I think it would keep me sane. I'd have colleagues and friends. My college education wouldn't be wasted. My kids would make friends, etc.

I'm a family and consumer sciences major (senior) and I've taken several psychology and marriage & family development courses. Several studies have shown that children under age 4 will be closest to the person who takes care of them. If you're a stay-at-home mom, they'll be close to you. If you're a working mom, they'll be closer to the daycare ladies. Forty years ago when 90% of women stayed home with the kids, socialization was no problem b/c kids would just go outside and play with each other. But now days, the kids who stay home with mom don't get to have as many friends b/c everyone else sends their kids to daycare. Also, "working moms" tend to do 30-40% more work than their husbands do. In most families, even when both H& W work, Wife is still the one who cooks meals, washes laundry, cleans, gives baths, and reads bed time stories. Husband is usually "so stressed out and tired", etc.

Daycare is a good preparation for school anyway. And if you've gotten referrals from other families, checked out the daycare yourself, made sure that you agree with their methods of discipline, and not noticed anything suspicious, then you should be comfortable with the decision you've made.

Answer 5

The battle of the stay-at-home mothers vs. the working mothers will continue til the end of time. Consider this : holier-than-thou attitudes usually get their butts kicked by reality. Do what you think is right for your kid always and let the pieces fall where they may.  

Answer 6

Because daycare is an excuse for people who are too lazy to raise their own children.  

ETA: Noah's...A) because you shouldn't BE a single parent  (unless there is divorce involved, but then you should only be working while the kids are in school) B) You shouldn't  have kids if you can't afford to stay home and raise them C) It's not society's responsibility to take care of your kids...its YOURS

Answer 7

Great question.

It's because those people never had the experience of daycare and maybe they did and had a bad experience.  I think being a mom and having a full time job and keeping the marriage going is a h**l of a lot of work.  What do stay at home moms do when their kid is in school all day. I can do my laundry, dishes, clean the house, and the other countless household chores after bedtimes and before they wake up and not sacrifice my time with my kids.  I run my errands and grocery shop once a week, while my kids and husband visit grandma for an evening.  

I didn't spend thousands of dollars on a degree for nothing.  For those who didn't go to college, fine stay home.  But in the very least do something with that degree once your kids are grown.  

I've never in my life been put down for having my kids at a sitter's house, until I joined YA.  It's both sides around my town.  And every single one of my family and friends have their kid in a home daycare. It's just so common now.

I think it's a GREAT accomplishment for women to have a career, have a great marriage and raise their kids to be responsible mature adults.  And I've seen it with my very own eyes.  

Answer 8

Daycare facilities have been proven to be more beneficial to your child's development rather than in-home care by relatives. People who work and run them usually have a degree or certificate in child development. Not to mention that your child is getting extremely beneficial social time. This will make your daughter more ready to handle kindergarten. Most children I've seen actually enjoy daycare. I have a liscense and am currently earning my degree in child and family development at MSU. Because of this I spend a lot of time completing hours working with children in daycare facilities. New children adjust quickly (usually with in a few weeks) and even children who are sad when their parents leave perk up after a few minutes and enjoy playing with all of the different toys and teachers.

I think it's great that you chose to be a working mom. I also think that some stay-at-home moms work really hard and do an awesome job. Don't feel bad about your decision to put your daughter in day care. Good luck!

Answer 9

Some people think that they are such great parents that their children do not need the benefit of socializing with their peers and learning things.  Also, people have mentioned studies that show that children who stay home with their parents do better than children who attend daycare, when in fact, the opposite is true.  I think there have been so many horror stories about daycare in the US that people make generalizations and assume that if your child atttends dayare they are going to sit in a corner in dirty diapers and be left to rot.

What they don't know is how crappy the pay is for child care workers.  so the teachers that work there are not doing it for the money, they are doing it because they like children.  They also have probably never set foot in a daycare - ignorance is bliss.

What are the advantages of daycare?

Many parents like daycare centers because they offer a formal, structured environment. All daycare centers are inspected for licensing purposes, caregivers are supervised (many classrooms have more than one teacher), and a director oversees the entire operation.

"I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of hiring a nanny. I feel like I'd always want to check up," says Noelle Haland, a copy editor in Minneapolis, Minnesota, whose 13-month-old son Max is in daycare. "I know taking care of a child can be frustrating and a nanny can also find it stressful." Rather than worry about how a nanny might handle her son during particularly trying moments, Haland decided on daycare.

Another plus: Centers have clearcut rules for parents to follow (such as pickup and drop-off times) so you know exactly what is expected of you. A daycare center is more affordable than a nanny. Plus, parents have the opportunity to meet other parents who may be able to lend support and babysitting time.

Also, the arrangement is more stable (compared to, say, nanny or relative care) because the center agrees to watch over your child regardless whether a teacher is sick or tardy or even tired of working for you. Yvonne Matlosz, BabyCenter mom, agrees. "We chose a daycare center so we didn't have to work around someone else's sick days and vacation," she says.

Staff members at good centers are usually trained in early childhood education so they know what to expect from your child developmentally and are able to nurture his growing skills accordingly. If the center you're considering doesn't hire knowledgeable staff, keep looking.

Good daycare centers include a nice mix of activities during the day to teach different skills, such as singing, dancing, and storytelling. Scott Huber, whose three-year-old daughter Lindsay has attended daycare in Portland, Oregon, since she was two months old, says he likes the fact that his daughter spends her day doing projects and honing skills in a structured setting.

"They're not just playing all day," he says, "they're learning new things." Huber says he feels especially good about his decision to put Lindsay in a center when he sees the projects she does. "Many of the instructional projects are a good mix of left- and right-brain activities, usually made of simple objects like blocks or beans or vinyl letters for creativity, but presented in an organized, structured, and methodical way," he says.

Ongoing research by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development suggests that children in quality daycare centers may even have an intellectual edge over those in other kinds of care. When researchers compared kids in quality daycare to those in other, equally high-quality childcare situations, children in centers performed a little better on tests.

Finally, toddlers can benefit from the chance to socialize with other children, which they may not get to do as often or at all when a nanny or a relative cares for them at home.

What are its disadvantages?

One problem with daycare is that you're at the center's mercy. You may have to pay a costly fee for late pickups, scramble for backup care when the center is closed on holidays, and stay at home when your child is sick. And your child is more likely to catch diseases such as colds and pinkeye, since he's exposed to more germs. "My son Max never really had a serious illness before starting daycare," says Noelle Haland.

Children are also less likely to get the one-on-one care that you take for granted with a stay-at-home mom or nanny. Babies, in particular, need a lot of love and attention to thrive and do well. Finally, moms and dads know that handling one baby, let alone three or more, is tough work, which is why some parents balk at the idea of a single teacher caring for more than one baby at a daycare center all day long.

The bottom line

It's true that quality of care dips when a person has to watch over too many children, but good centers make an effort to keep the teacher-child ratio as low as possible. Also, having a number of teachers at these centers means they can support each other when needed. Quality daycare centers keep the number of children in each group low, too. "It's easier to give one-on-one attention and be responsive when there are fewer kids in a room," says Stephanie Glowacki, director of accreditation programs at the National Association for the Education of Young Children, a benchmark of quality.

The organization recommends:

•  One caregiver for every three babies if there are six infants in a group, and one for every four if there are eight babies in a group. NAEYC says eight babies should be the maximum number in any group.

•  One caregiver for three children in a group of six, a 1:4 ratio for eight children, 1:5 for ten, and 1:4 for 12. Groups should have no more than 12 kids.

A daycare center doesn't have to follow these ratios unless it wants to receive NAEYC accreditation. But centers do have to at least meet state guidelines, which vary. Even so, you can use these ratios as a guide when you're evaluating centers; the closer they are to NAEYC standards, the better.

Edit - Here's a link to my earlier question about whether or not children who attended daycare do better in school or not.  The answers speak for themselves (in addition to the research)

http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...

http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...

Answer 10

some people have nothing better to do then to judge how other people live their lives. not all parents can stay at home with their kids because of money they don't have a choice one income may not be enough. I know some SAHM that send their kids to daycare for a couple of hours a week because they want them to socialize there are daycare's out there that are bad  but they are run by bad people. people like your first answer are the reasons why there will always be a debate. don't worry about what people think you have to do what you have to do to support your family. good luck and congrats on your baby.

Answer 11

I'm a work - at - home mom because my husband and I decided that's what's best for our family. However, I certainly don't look down upon anyone who puts her child in daycare.  Whether it's by choice or necessity, it's none of my business.  I once watched a show about impoverished villages in Africa, and there was a widowed father who had no choice but to leave his toddler home alone all day while he went out to work.  Now compare that to daycare, and I dare anyone to snub those who work outside the home!

I'm sorry, but VWgirl is an extremely ignorant, judgmental, and narrow - minded individual.  It's people like her who are fueling the "Mommy Wars" and giving full - time moms a bad name.  We're all moms, we all love our children, and we all do the best we can.

Answer 12

JANE-I agree with you!!!  My husband works full-time and he doesn't stop working at 5:00!  He comes home and goes into full-swing daddy duty and sometimes he helps me pick up after they go to bed... clean up from dinner, sweep the floor, put toys away, etc.  I don't ask him to do it much, though, because my job is 20 times easier than his!  Look, I'm sitting online!  lol

I was a working mom for 11 months and it wasn't easy at all!  I didn't use daycare, couldn't AFFORD it on my income with twin babies- but it was still really hard.  You have my props!

This is an easy answer for me!

Because everyone sacrifices for their children and wants to believe that they are making the best choice- period.

If their choice is different from your choice then they must face that perhaps their sacrifice isn't worth it, or wrong, etc.

It's the same reason why breastfeeders and formula feeders fight.

Personally, I am a SAHM and I sacrifice because it's what I want to do!  I know they would do well in a high-quality daycare but I don't want to miss out on the time with them.  I'm making a selfish choice.  :-D  I don't worry about socialization because I'll get them around other children when it's appropriate.  They already interact with one another... beauty of twins!

Working mothers sacrifice the pleasure of staying home, having all day to get their chores done, taking naps when their kids nap, and other things too.

SAHM's sacrifice adult interactions, more spending money, ALONE time, and I'm sure other things too!

We all make choices.  I think the key is learning to accept that just because someone is making a different choice from you doesn't make their choice wrong!

I think as long as you know your daycare isn't mistreating your daughter than it's fine.

I've worked for great daycares but a couple of really awful ones who did mistreat the children.  I worked for more good ones than bad ones, though!

Answer 13

You have many responses on here - but i felt stongly enough about this that i just wanted to say I am with you....I have the same DAILY schedule as you - and i understand .......

I would love to be able to stay home with my daughter(and one on the way) but i would also feel i was depriving her\them of the social interaction that i feel is very important to a child upbringing and developnment!

Answer 14

Oh my god - people, holy sh*t lay off of her!

Honestly, I would prefer NOT to have to put my child in daycare.  However, there is always the possibility that I will have to because of the need to work outside of the home.  I am very, very lucky right now in that I telecommute.  If I need to keep working we will bring in help but I will at least be around.  However, as you know, jobs can suddenly, uh, disappear.  My husband and I really want for me to be able to stay home with our son but I don't think I will be a bad or lazy person if I can't.  It will only mean that I have to do what is best for our family even though it will break my heart in two.

I know many, many working mothers single and married that have children in daycare and they are anything but lazy.  It is so, so hard.  The day you just described is frankly what I hope to avoid because it sounds terribly exhausting.  My hat goes off to you and my heart goes out to you.

I am sure you are doing the best for your children and your family.  Anymore it is a luxury to be a stay at home mother.

Answer 15

My mother used to work in a daycare and on days when I had stayed home from school or she was working and I didn't have school I would go in to help her.  I felt like alot of the kids in daycare needed the extra attention that was given to them there.  It lets younger children learn "the rules of school" Alot can be taught to younger children, I always felt day care was a good way to keep young kids minds active.  Rather then sit at home and watch tv or run errands with parents they are in the classroom learning not only academic knowledge but also learning social skills.

Answer 16

well there are bad day cares out there so you need to do your homework. I had my son in one I did not like so I looked around for another..he's been in 3 before i found the right one.

You hear so many bad stories that some people label them all as bad. Some parents who never used day cares may not see the benefits of it..just the negatives.

I know what you mean by the looks you get from some when you say your child is in day care.Well not all of us mommies ( or dads) can stay home full time. We tried to live on one income it just became too hard. Then there are those "n**i" type parents who think unless you are some kind of super human mom, you are not a good one.

Answer 17

Because they don't understand why if you are home, you can't take care of your child yourself!  You could make play dates for her to have interaction with other children.

Answer 18

i've come to the realization that there are 2 kinds of moms.  those who were raised in the home with mom, who stayed home with the kids while dad went to work because they were that fortunate that dad's salary was enough, and then there's those who were raiised in the real world.  some people were raised knowing that mom should just stay home with the kids because that's the only way to ensure they're being raised properly.  i actually have a friend who quit her job to stay home so she could be sure nothing bad would happen to her son.  are you kidding?  when i told her i was going back to work (my son was born a month or so after hers) she looked at me like...you're going to put him in daycare?  forgive me, but my son likes the interaction with other children.  i'm not leaving him with a stranger...leaving him with a friend who stays home with her two kids.  he likes playing with them, and because they're slightly older than him (he's 1, the kids are 2 and 4) i think he's developing a little faster to catch up to the big kids!  at 6 months, he knew that if he couldn't reach something across the coffee table, if he stands on something, he'll get closer.  then when i got back to work, a new teacher who had been hired while i was on maternity leave said "you just left your child?"  i wanted to say look lady...i don't know who you are or where you're from, but here in the real world, parents work so they can raise their children, and who the heck ar eyou to condemn me for the choices i made for the best of my family?  and i think that might be what we working moms have to start saying to those who stick their noses up at us!  and as much as i love my son, even if i didn't have to work, i would.  as much as he likes interaction with other kids, i need interaction with other adults who can carry on a conversation about more than just their kids.  

Answer 19

Some people think they are the best parents in the world. I knew a few women who thought because they had the luxury of staying home w/their kids everyone should do it. It got on my last nerve because I had to work. Even when I was laid off I kept my daughter in daycare because she was learning a lot. Also I did a lot of homework before hand and the daycare I chose was wonderful. She went from not knowing how to share and associate w/other kids to being energetic and constantly wanting to be around other kids.

I am now a stay at home mom, my daughter is going into 1st grade but I am pregnant and due in September. When our new daughter is about 2 years old we are going to put her in preschool a few days week for a couple of hours just so she can have the socialization. Besides even the best Moms need a break. You are fine I would just ignore them.