Why do some people glorify adoption?

Question

I answered this question a couple days ago. But have been thinking about it since.

When a girl becomes pregnant she has a hard time figureing out what is best for the baby, becuase she is a child.

She is naturally thinking of what her parents will say, of how the father of the baby will react. Or how much she needs someone to love. A family of her own.

She doesn't see it from the babies side.

Adults are supposed to be able to put the interests of children first. Children have not matured to that point yet.

So, we sometimes 'glorify' adoption because we are desperatly trying to encourage child mothers to give up the baby. We are trying to help her feel good about that decision.

Adoption is not perfect. But it's the best choice for some mothers and babies.

Why don't the ppl who think adoption is 'glorifyed' see all the young mothers who should have given babies up for adoption?

Answer 1

I am someone who does "glorify" adoption - our adoption.  I truly believe our adoption was our blessing for both us and our son.  I understand that not all adoptions are good, but not all adoptions are bad either.  

It drives me absolutely insane that some people in Y!A feel that their story is the only one that is allowed to be told.  I agree with you that some adoptions are for good and people have good reason to "glorify" or speak positively of adoption.  Perhaps not all children experience this, but not all children and birth families have nasty adoptions either.  

Why do "some" people glorify adoption?  For the same reason that some people "glorify" the birth of a child and others detest it.  For the same reason that some people "glorify" God and others do not believe.  Everyone has their own story.  I just wish that the people in Y!A who care to be so negative and ugly towards those of us who have had a good experience would understand that we are all different.

Answer 2

I think adoption can be a good or bad thing. If a mother or a father can't care for their child and has no support system to help get them where they can care for their child or they just choose not to care for their child then adoption is great. This gives the child a chance to to be loved and cared for. Adoption isn't good for the teenager that may be forced into putting her child up for adoption by adults in her life when she really doesn't want to or a mother and father that may have just fell upon hard times for a while and truely want to care for their child. Adoption has to be the mother and the fathers decision and what is right for them and their child no one else can say what would be right for them and it is a decision they would have to live with for the rest of their lives.

Answer 3

They do see them.  In the news, with boyfriends that have burned the skin off their baby.  Or husbands that have raped and beaten their children to death.

They see them when they watch the news and yet another child is found in a dumpster or left in a toilet.  Born alive and found dead.

They see the mothers in line at the grocery store struggling with a kid on the side and a food stamp card in their hand with a belly filled with the next kid.

That is not to say every girl who becomes pregnant is a statistic.  But most are.  The girls who get pregnant while unmarried and still in junior high and high school mostly drop out and go from man to man and have baby after baby.  Or they hide the issue completely and have the kid in secret and kill it by discarding it like garbage.  So, for the majority adoption should be glorified.  It is better to give that child to a loving couple that wants it than for a child to s***w it up or kill it.  It is better than abortion and to all those that are pro abortion, may God have mercy on your soul.

Answer 4

OMG!  Nothing gets my ire up more than the myths and lies told about how 'wonderful' adoption is, & what 'heroes' all adoptive parents are for "rescuing" a child, and ultimately, how unfit, unable & incapable 'child' mothers are!!  

No one seems to want to acknowledge that all adoptions begin with LOSS.  On all 3 sides of the triad!  Natural/first moms suffer a huge loss when they choose adoption - a loss that they will feel for the remainder of their lives.  Adoptees suffer the loss of their first mother and the connectedness of that very important relationship, along with much of their identities, which are locked away in secrecy forever! Like first mothers, adoptees feel that loss t/o their lives.  PAP/AP's experience the loss of the child 'they might have had' b/c of infertility.  A loss they need to fully grieve before adopting.  And one they need to realize can not be repaired by adopting another person's child. To continue to deny these realities won't make them go away!  

"She doesn't see from the babies side"? How on earth would you or anyone know this?  People have no idea what goes through the mind of a 'child' mother!  

As a *former* 'child' mom myself, I can tell you that I most certainly did think long & hard about my decision, and especially what my child's life would be like.  Plus, I had everyone coming at me from all sides telling me what I should do.  Geez, I just wanted to run away for a while to a quiet place so I could THINK!  

Back when I had my daughter (1976), I married her dad, finished high school, divorced, worked 2 jobs, gradutated college, while working part time and raised my daughter without the help of my family or her dad.  I bought a house in a nice neighborhood as a single mom with two kids and a good paying job.  

MY daughter was reading before she started kindergarten, in the gifted & talented program t/o school, never got into any trouble growing up, though she was a typically rebellious teen with me, graduated with honors, attended college, including a year in Ireland which SHE figured out how to do and financed.   And you know what? I did NOT use any physical punishment with her.  Hmmm.  How would a teen mom manage to be that successful?  

To JW: where are you getting your statistics about teen moms?  Are you just adding up the the worst, most sensationalized stories from the media in your head and figuring "it must be a lot".  Please, do a little  more research before spouting off about things you don't know.  

Teen moms today have more support than ever. They are allowed to finish their education and provided with child care to do so.  So JW, more now than any other time in history, they are finishing school. They don't have to drop out to keep their child.

Almost NO teen moms simply 'discard' their child. How many have there been in the last decade? Maybe 2 (which is agreeably too many!)?  It's a criminal act regardless of the person's age.  And age does not excuse anyone from such a heinous act!  As a *former* teen mom (16) I can assure you that the thought NEVER crossed my mind and I am furious anytime I read about someone trying to excuse a woman because of her age.  Sadly, older women "dump" their babies, too.  It happened twice in the past couple of years in my town and in both cases, the mom's were in their mid to late 20's.  

Sadly, some older moms, married moms, & even adoptive parents, abuse, harm, and/or kill their children.  Age is often not a factor at all.  You all need to do some research!  Use your computers for more than sharing uneducated opinions on Y!A.  

Why do "some" people insist on glorifying ALL adoptive parents as if they are the saviors of children, rather than being given the gift of family by the child they supposedly “rescued”?  

Fortunately in this forum, there are many loving adoptive parents who truly care about their child's best interest, who are here to learn, and who recognize their child/children's dual identities.  

There are about 130,000 children in foster care who need permanent homes, a family & loving parents.  These children really do benefit from adoption.  Yet most PAP only want infants.  

Young mothers should not be forced or lied to or coerced into giving up their children so that PAP's faced with the heartbreak of infertility can have their infants.  I feel for the PAP's and their heartache.  I really do!  However, no one is entitled to raise someone else's child.  

Again, I'm not directing my statements to the loving AP's I've met through this forum.  

Rather they are directed to those who've written things like, "That's why we went to Russia! Once the judge uses their gavel, the records are destroyed and the adoption is final. No birth families will ever show up at your home!"  

Adoption in the US needs serious reforms.

Answer 5

And who are you to judge who should give up their kid? I got preggy at 17. I never considered giving up my kid. For that matter, there are ALOT of 20 and 30 yr. old mothers that should have given up their kids. Mine is a bright child, doing well in life and her studies, goes to a great school, and wants for nothing. Young doesn't mean stupid.

Answer 6

This is a hard question for me you see my son has been fighting for over 2 years for his son that was put up for adoption. But I also have a child that is in her first year of collage that in no way can have a child  of her own. When we first found out I cry-ed for her. She just looked at me and said she was alright with not being able to have children she said there were plenty of children being over looked (handicapped children not perfect) After what happened to her brother I asked her again about adoption. She told me that as a adopted mother she would be a second parent to her child, that in no way would she adopt a child where the natural parents wouldn't want to see or hear or even talk to their child .

   I asked her why. She said that  their child would be brought up with love and understanding. Now if everybody did and thought of adoptions that way wouldn't these children's lives be for the better.

Answer 7

I am going to answer this question, and I am sure , once again, I am going to win for the most thumbs down- but you know something that does not bother me because I think this is a moral issue here as well.  So should we be glorifying abortion? I have counseled women for over 10 years and most woman , who are considering abortion will not consider adoption, because they could not carry the child to term and then place for adoption.  I always suggest, then when you have a child, and decide you cannot place, you will find a way to raise him/her. So those 4,000 abortions a day in the USA alone is a huge reason why adoption is not happening as much- not because it is not"glorified" as you call it.  OK- let us look at it from the babies side- I am one of those babies- I could have been aborted. I was given life- by a birth mom that loved me- and wrote a letter to my parents, and told them this- "I love this baby, that is why I chose to place for adoption- if I was thinking about myself, I may not have had this child, or tried to raise her on my own, which I could not do"-  Unfortunately your question and argument glorified abortion or adoption- not parenting.

Answer 8

Those who feel that adoption is glorified see the mothers who anguish over the loss of their child.  We also see what the adoptees go through just trying to understand themselves.  We see the fathers who want the right to raise their child.  I am in contact with several of those.  Adoption as it stands in the US needs massive reform.  It needs massive changes.

Answer 9

I feel adoption is wonderful...but I also see your point.

But, I adopted my children from foster care, and it has been a blessing for ALL of us to have a family created through adoption.

I do not, however, agree with people that make adoption all hearts and flowers just to get a young mother to place.

Many young women are more resilient and resourceful than their parents give them credit for, and could, given the chance and some help at first, parent their babies...but it seems to be more the parent's shame and the emotions of those without children so desperately wanting a child who tend to come first...so yes, it does suck.

Answer 10

I was a mom of 2 and was 26 years old when I gave my third child up for adoption.  I did a private adoption and her parents stayed in contact with and visited my folks often.  I saw her for the first time since she was 4 days old when my mother passed away.  We now email each other and my family has gone to their home and visited.  Not all adoptions are so great but there was no other choice for me.  I couldn't kill her and I couldn't keep her and put her and my other 2 kids in danger from her dad.  Adoptions that are private are the best way to go, you have more controll over the situation.

Answer 11

im sorry, but while im not for premarital s*x/pregnancy, im not for abortion either, i dont think u should judge and go saying that about young mothers..

  im proud of the ones that choose to raise that baby in a LOVING home. yeah, adoption is a blessed thing, but not everyone thinks of thier child badly to where they cant keep it. least they learned from thier lesson, and accepted what they got in return. a precious little angel from GOD.

  They have a family just as well as if they were put up for adoption-mother,(eventually a father if not by then), grandparents...etc...

  i think its thier decision, not yours to judge, be proud they keep thier little sweeties!

Answer 12

Why are you antiadoption?

When a biological parent decides the child would be better off with another family they make an adoption plan. Just because you think someone shouldn't be a parent because of whatever reason though isn't right. It doesn't matter who the person is by age or family, the biological parent(s) have the right to parent their child or children and even if they have considered adoption have the right to change their minds if they so choose.

Answer 13

Velkin is right.  Pre-judgment, anyone?  

As for those who expect they'll all be a bunch of low-life abusers, check the stats.  Abusers come in all ages.  For that matter, they also come in the varieties of natural parents, step-parents, guardians and adoptive parents.  And baby-dumpers, that's a different story all together.  There are other factors entirely that are part of that.

My grandmother had my mother at 15, in 1946.  She did not abuse my mother, drink, take drugs, neglect her or any of the other c**p some of these folks assume.  She married within a few years, and my step-grandfather (a GOOD man) and she raised my mother and their daughter that they had together.  They had a good life up to my grandmother's death in 1999.

If you're so concerned about the best interests of the child, and you think these mothers don't have all they need to parent, then give to charities that help mothers who need a helping hand.  Don't judge their skills.  You don't know what they are.