Why do some people post questions on here asking for..?

Question

...search help,have few details and expect an easy answer when there are none?Why do they ask if they are not willing to share what little tiny info they have?Are they for real or just messing around?Is it fear?Thank you.

Answer 1

I think most of them are for real; there are probably just as many reasons "why" as there are people asking the questions.  From people who probably just don't have much info to go on, to people who don't want to put too much personal information out on the internet, to those who are just new to the search and aren't well versed in how it goes.

We just need to have patience with them.

We ALL need to have patience, don't we Jane?

Answer 2

Actually, with a very few details there are people who can find out some interesting things in the matter of a few mouse clicks.

Those who are seriously interested in searching usually post any detail they have every place.

I would guess the people you are talking about are:

a) Just strarting to think about the search.

b) Adopted Minors with fear of searching too hard yet

c) Biological parents testing how things work and how hard/easy it might be for their adopted child to search for them.

d) Adoptive parents checking out the system to see just how easy it is for their adopted child to search (or if they have started searching yet)

Having been the part of several searches I also know that sometimes a person makes one step forward and than walks away for awhile. Some Adopted children have great mixed feelings about searching and may post the questions then back off...

It may have much to do with a persons ability to "process" these steps. Keep in mind that in most cases a searching adopted person has also got loving and supportive adoptive parents... there is a loyalty there and often times an adopted person takes one step in the direction of the search but, then pulls back remembering they love their adoptive parents and worry (right or wrong) that the search will hurt their parents feelings...

The searches I have been part of were generally long (like years) and the adopted person would build up to a search point--make and effort and then stop or pull back for another period of time...

I saw it as sort of "testing the waters" or making one step and being satisfied for awhile...

Answer 3

For several reasons...genuine hope that someone may help them, but, also fear of giving out secret information to stalkers and con artists posing as a searcher.

Answer 4

Maybe they just don't know where to start. I'm sure they aren't asking people here to do the searching for them, they just want to know how to get started. You don't need any details to tell them where to start looking.

Answer 5

It is probably because they do not know how to get started in their search- I am pretty sure, the people that ask these questions don't expect us to know their birth parents, they just hope that someone can point them to the right website or other info. Fear of what?

Answer 6

Maybe they just want someone who has been there before to tell them how they did it and what the results were.

They may not have a lot of information...that's pretty common. The only information I had up until I started my search was my birth date and place. Also, for their own privacy and of all those involved, I think it's wise to not give out a bunch of names and stuff.

I think most of them are for real. I've never come across one that I didn't think was legitimate.

Fear...maybe. It's natural.

Answer 7

Why do many people post the most mundane non sensible questions on here ? Like this one ? what does it matter to you why?

I have seen far more moronic questions that those that you are speaking of..

But to answer you question perhaps they are just simply looking for the stepping off point and a friendly point in the right direction

You dont need a full history to jump off the start block

Answer 8

Its a technique savvy bill collectors use to track you down. Unfortunately Not everyone seeking family is really seeking family.

Answer 9

Adopted Jane ahas a few good points in her second paragraph.

I had a few leads on my wife's parents and got bogged down in the legal system (we were given some bogus information). With little money, I am kinda stuck. We are not interested in actually having any kind of relationship. However, the reason I have not asked is because I dont think that is what this forum is for. Will I bash someone for asking? No. I usually ignore the questions and dont give them a second thought. Having said that, if I didnt have the info that I had then I might have started here. If you are searching, then you try anything to get even the slightest lead. Like I said, it was my wife that was adopted, so I am not trying again until she says she is interested again. If she gives me the go ahead, then you might see me on here asking for help.

Answer 10

I don't think they really think that their question will be answered, like someone is going to say, oh ya, I saw them yesterday, they are just looking for the tools to help them in their quest.

Answer 11

I think that its hard when you're just starting out searching. Like, I didn't even know that my records were sealed until I turned 18 and tried getting mine. So when people are just getting into it, you can tell, their searching specifics are minor and they don't use good format in their posts.

You can "usually" spot those who have been searching along time because they pick up the best format. I'm sure though for some who have been searching for a long time, it could be because they're just not thinking. lmao.

Just in case anyone is reading and wanted to see what I think good searching format looks like it goes a little something lika dis:

In the title of your message its best to use a format with the following abbreviations:

ISO - in search of

ma - male

fe - female

ad - adoptee

b: - born

day/mo/year - date format

and then include the state abbreviations. I'll do mine and twist the date and state to protect my OWN identity.

Fe. Ad b:07/12/75 NEW YORK ISO family

Can you see how informative that is JUST for the title? That way EVERY SINGLE person who reads it, can be like OH! LOOK a female adoptee born july 12th 75 is looking for her family.

And thats just the title. Then the body can include  more information if they want, or they can hold that information ( which I think is best ) for confirmation, because the title alone is enough,(if similar) to be worth contacting the poster.

I used to run a searching group for adoptees with another friend who was a trained searcher, and this is what she taught me. It seems useful and helpful so I thought I'd post it for anyone searching to learn :)