Why do things have to go this way?

Question

I have a friend who fell in love with a girl from a different social class, he is from a village and she is from the city also she has a college degree and he only has a diploma, her family didn't approve the marriage but the girl put some pressure on her family, so her family started to complicate every thing and ask for too much from my friend.

he started to borrow money from all his friends to the extent that someone called me and asked me not to lend him money cause he doesn't pay it back, I gave him money when he asked and considered it as his wedding gift but didn't tell him that. since then he never called back as he did with every one he borrowed money from, and I didn't call him cause I can't give him money again, and in the same time I hate to say no.

should I call him?

what is the most wrong part of the story?

is it his fault to fall in love with a girl from a different social class?

or the girls fault to put pressure on her family?

or her families fault to complicate things?

what was the best way to handle a situation like this?

and

would you go into a complicated marriage like this one?

too many questions?...........lol I'm greedy and I still want to ask more. :)

They are both Egyptians and in their mid 20s, amy be 26

Answer 1

the whole situation is wrong the complication that family load him is because the not agree and yes thats both fault she know well that her family will not agree and he know well if they agree what they will ask for so if he wasnt ready so what your friend do by the way you all didnt help him cause he have to know eno msh 7ytgwz slf fa ento dartoh he have to know that he take a girl from high class so he have to be 2dha ana msh 2sdy en hwa mystahlhash bs ely 3ayz 7aga lazm ykon 2dha we fe 7agat mynfa3sh feha el slf zy el gwaz law kan da7'l mashro3 7a2olk salfo l2n fe 27tmal 7'osara we rb7 bs gwaz 7yfdl tol 3omro keda

hwa 27sn 7aga enha kano estano shwaya l7d lma hwa 3ml 2rsh kan safr 2w 3ml 2y 7aga bs 3la el 2a2l kan 7'ala 2hlha 7aso eno 7y2dr ys3d bntohom l2n homa dlwa2ty shayfen wa7d m3ah diploma maham kan 7yb2a 2a2l mnha fe mstwa el tafker we shayfen wa7d bntohom m3mya b el 7ob l2nha msh 7tst7ml zrofo ba3d keda aked homa fahmen el bnt kwis we kol el tlbat de tatfesh msh 2ktr hwa fe el 27'r msh 7y2dr ykml we msh 7ynobo 3'er 7'osart mo3zm es7abo l2nomsh 7y2dr ysd ely 3leh

we enta klmo 7awl tfhmo en el mabl3' da kan hdyt gwazo we enk msh 7t2dr tdeh tany l2en el mawdo3 da 7yfshl we 7yb2a m7tag 7d ganbo  

Answer 2

there are two flaws in this relationship :

- the social class difference .

-the educational background of the two.

the girl's family doesnt approve of this marriage .

this will make it difficult for the man.

im afraid that even if they marry , the success of their marriage is doubtful.

you cant do anything to help your friend .

if he asks again for money , and you can afford it , give it to him to help.

wait and see what will happen .

Answer 3

i think you should call him,and atleast see how everything is going and ask whats going on,see if he is actually gonna end up marrying her..if he asks you for money when you call simply tell him your sorry you don't have the money,if you did you would probably gladly help him ,but you can't so there for your not really saying no just nicely telling him you can't

and if i was in this situation,my father honestly would want me to marry someone that can afford a family,and this is what i want yeah but my dad wants someone who has allot of money,that can afford more then a family me myself,honestly i don't care if hes rich or not as long as he can afford a FAMILY with out being in need of others.

but if i REALLY loved him i'll convince my dad into agreeing and ask my dad to help the guy out with a decent job that can get good money so he would have a chance,i think everyone can have a chance,with a little help of some.(just don't always rely on him all the time)

Answer 4

Call him Aster, may be he is embarrassed coz he borrowed all that money, its not that he'll never pay back what he borrowed n we can't judge him in that now coz he's already in a need for the money.

The most wrong part of the story is that he doesn't have money plus he is not well-educated in her family's eyes, so all these make the situation complicated.

My point is may be her family don't see that he is promising to make a better future to their daughter and he may rely on them in most of things that's why they complicate everything to make him give up n leave the girl alone.They only want the very best for their daughter.

Its not wrong to fall in love with a different social class but also we must have nazra ba3edat el mada.

Answer 5

actually many parties committed illogical mistakes.

the boy: was wrong when he choosed a girl from a different social class, and with a higher educational degree. I mean are you sure he really "loves" her?

the girl: is immature

the family: is wrong that she didn't contain her girl from early age, so i think the girl insistence and giving a deaf ear to her family was something started so much earlier as lack of compassionate communication between her and her family. and the family is responsible for that.

you: not that much wrong, you meant to help someone to get married and this is really appreciated (in a social context and religious as well)

finally and honestly: if this guy is NOT returning money back to people who lend him, so how do you think he will be honest with the girl or with her family?!!!!

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sorry sometimes i type slower than i think. so i miss words.

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edit: the problem of being different with their social backgrounds, and also their degree of education, that it affects many aspects of the personality itself. the set of moral values, the way they want to raise their children, their consuming habits, their saving aims, the way of entertainment they choose..  

we always criticize the man/woman who choose not to marry someone because of these reasons, as we only linked to the desire of affirming certain social image. i mean if the boy is ambitious enough and equal to her degree of education, then being less socially is not supposed to be an issue.

the main point if these differences have relfections on the character or not.

Answer 6

It's not his fault to fall in love with this girl, because no one can control it. (me thinks)

It's not the girl's fault either when she pressured on her family (if she loved him) because i went through a situation when i pressured my family, too. So, i can't blame her.

It IS her family's fault though, now-a-days it's already hard on all guys, they should take it easy on him a little and not complicate things for him this way.

But! They both (this guy and the girl) shoul've foreseen that would happen! Her family won't approve easily because of the 'social class and education difference'. Although this marriage could work, it's naseeb after all.

He's still young, he must find a way to get over it OR do his best to prove to her family that he really deserves her.

I just don't understand a point, did he take money from you and others and didn't give them back AND he didn't call to tell you what happened?! If so, call him to ask what happened; if he succeeded to do what her family wanted, and don't talk about the money. and if he asked for more money, simply apologize and tell the truth - that you can't afford more money.

I've seen lots of such complicated marriages, mine was and failed, my friend's was and also recently failed ( i was totally against it, but i couldn't stop it because she loved him). It's sad but it's life. and it's true that love sucks big time.

EDIT:

My friend's situation was so similar to you friend's (same social class and educational difference problem) BUT her family was too nice to afford half of everything they even gave the apartment and they almost didn't cost him anything. He wasn't decent at all, didn't apreciate anything and didn't desereve anything at all.

SO, i can't blame her family, too. They want the best for their daughter.

Answer 7

All i can say to you is to ask you read the book by Osama 3'areeb "Masr laysat omy, de mrat aboya", he put a section under the name of "fake friends", there is a similar story like yours here, more or less..

Answer 8

el gawaza de msh lazm tettem !!

i'm joking:)

look it not his fault that he loves a girl from different level, its simply out of his hands..

but he shouldn't marry her if her family refused it and then tried to make the wedding impossible and make difficulties in front of him, cause this way they will "yerkabouh"

and the girl didn't think with her mind, she just followed her heart.. which she can suffer from this later on..

about the money borrowing, what you did is right even if you know tat he will not return te money, cause this way you helped him..

i dont expect him to return it, or call you cause he is ashamed of it..

if you really care for im not te money, call him to check on him and how is everything..  

Answer 9

i would call someone even if they owe me money if I was worried about them. Money is not everything. I learned that long time ago. I lived with a man tht had millions of dollars but he made me very unhappy because he wanted to own me and people cannot be owned by other people in canada.

I know how you must feel because this is a close friend of yours but people have different beliefs. I believe if two people are happy together than there should be no bearier.

Answer 10

Agree with moonrise..... she has a good opinion about your story....