Why do we fear intimacy?

Question

I'm familiar with all the standard answers to this question: fear of being hurt, fear of hurting others, fear of feeling suffocated, fear of losing autonomy and control, etc. These are all pretty pat answers though. They only seem to scratch the surface. So why, in your opinion, do so many people run from intimacy, the one thing that almost everyone says they truly want?

Answer 1

You ask why WE fear intimacy....not all do some crave it, each person has their own emotional condition some do some don't...to allow intimacy to occur requires a ever deepening level of trust and vulnerability always with the possibility that one will get emotionally damaged and experience the emotional pain that can go with that...  the over reaction to this fear can paralyze some people to the point where they can not except intimacy on any level .. ..fear of this pain and vulnerability can in effect imprison them  and deprive them of a rich and fulfilling life...and indeed can ruin their life's

Answer 2

i have alot of attractive girls around me alot, and all my friends can't keep their hands off them. i do however because i feel like i can't touch them without there permission. it would feel like i was taking advantage of them unless i knew they welcomed it.

Answer 3

fear of rejection maybe?

Answer 4

How does fear of being hurt scratch the surface? I think it goes pretty deep actually... Just because you've heard the reasoning many times, doesn't mean that it only "scratches the surface".

Well, in my opinion, we see too many people around that just treat us as strangers, and we don't want our family to become strangers as well, and treat us that way. Even if we weren't treated badly by family in the past, in a way, there is a disconnect between strangers that we'd want to avoid with loved ones. We fear being abandoned and alone, aka hurt. It's especially sensitive when you share secrets and expose yourself to someone else... you don't want to be abandoned by that person.

Answer 5

You affraid of yourself and intimacy bringing it too close to your view and senses... Let me explain, your intimate partner as a mirror reflecting those parts of you which you do not know often. Rejection of it means to reject yourself not a partner.