Why do we want kids so badly?

Question

I am 19yrs old and my Girlfriend is 18 both of us are college students and we have been dating through high school. We have been together for close to three years. Here recently something urges me on the inside to have a child, but I get afraid thinking about disappointing her family or possibly ruining her life. But at the same time she says that she wants one but is also afraid. Why are we stuck in the middle of such a big decision, why do we feel this way?

Answer 1

wanting kids is a totally natural feeling, and being afraid certainly does NOT mean that you are not ready! even longtime couples who have been married for years are afraid of such a big commitment. it might ruin your life, but it might be the best thing ever to happen to you. it's impossible to say. it costs a lot of money and will definitely make it harder to finish college, however.

Answer 2

You're still young. Don't you want to live life a little bit first before you get settled down and have a kid. Once you have a kid that's a big responbility. There's always time to have a kid later..

Answer 3

Because you're not ready. It's good that you two both want children together, but if you think your families will have negative reactions, then don't have a baby just yet. If you think there's even a slight chance that a baby would ruin either of your lives, then don't take that chance. You don't want to have a baby and then regret it. Because once you have him/her, there's no turning back. Just wait a few years and if you two are still together, feel the same way, and don't have ANY doubts, go for it.  

Answer 4

if you're afraid, you're not ready.

Answer 5

People who don't have kids, generally don't have any decedents.  People who DO have kids, tend to be the one who have decedents.   Billions of years of evolution have favored having kids, the sooner the better.  

But "better" does NOT mean that you will enjoy it.  It's just better for evolution.  Talk to somebody you trust, that already has kids.

Answer 6

you have plenty of time to have kids, don't rush it.  If you have doubts then you're probably not ready.

Answer 7

I think its because you may have a wrong idea of what love is. Many young parents have an idea of a great wedding, great kids, and a big house with the white picket fence. Young kids tend to rush into this because when you like a person so much you began to fantasize of growing together as a family and many take this fantasy making it into a reality without much thought. I am one of those teens. I am 27 now with 2 older children and as much as i love them.....Life has been h**l as a young parent. If you really really love your girl then you will help her achieve her goals, dreams, and education. I used to be your age getting lecture after lecture and i never really understood any of this until i was about 23 with a crappy job, and no education. That's fine if that's what you want but think about the child you would be bringing into the world. You should be able to offer that child a lot more then what you might think you can as a young adult. Money is not the only issue. Your mentality changes a lot from then to you 20's. I only wish i could of been the mom i am now then..... the quote "if i only new then what i know now" has a lot of meaning  TRUST ME!!!  Wait the kid thing out. in the end it will be much more rewarding.  

Answer 8

You're too young & you're not ready. If you're both afraid and unsure about having a baby, it is definitely not time. Enjoy your college years!!! Once you graduate, start a career, and move into your own place, you can revisit this issue.

Answer 9

I'm 18, my boyfriend is 20, we have been dating for 3 years through highschool as well.

I'm also due to have our son in 3 weeks.

It's not just you guys who feel the need to have kids right now..

it seems to be in the water these days..

the pregnancies are showing up in younger and younger kids, and they ruin their lives because they are so young.

if you're afraid, you're probably not ready..

but if the only thing stopping you two from starting a family of your own, is your families, then do it anyways.

they're not going to stop loving you. they're not going to judge you. as much as you may think it'll make them go against you two, it wont.

it took a couple months for my family to accept it, but they're just as excited if not more than we are about the baby!

only you guys will know when you're really ready.

it's a big responsibility, and it will really test your relationship.

but relationships prove themselves under stress. so if you make it through this, you can make it through anything.

Answer 10

Spare us our tax dollars, you both are young and in college, first and foremost I am 100% positive you cannot support a baby on your own..  I am a college student, albeit 29..  If DH did not make good money there is no way we could support kids, own a home, drive decent cars, all with out touching others tax money!

Answer 11

The connection between the two of you must be a very strong one.  I give you credit for being together through high school and now, that you're both in college.  I can imagine that one reason you are feeling this way is due to the fact that everything seems to be going right in your lives and relationship.  When two people are in love with one another and they have a bond, it is natural to want to take things to a higher level.

I am sure the both of you would be great parents, especially if the both of you are having paternal instincts but, please wait!

The both of you have plenty of time to have children.  I had my son at the age of 20 and I am now 27 (two months before I turned 21) and it was very hard.  At the age the two of you are the only thing you should focus on is getting through college.  Trust me when I say that you want to finish out your degrees before taking that far of a leap forward!  

As far as her parents, and yours, for that matter... you will disapoint  them.  I can only imagine how proud they are that the both of you are furthering your education and you don't want to let them down.

It is very hard to raise a child at such a young age, not to mention by two college students.  It will put a serious strain on your realtionship becuase, you won't have time for each other.  I am sure that I don't have to inform you of the fact that children are also expensive.

The major factor that has to be taken into consideration is the possibility of post pardom depression which takes place in young mothers (such as I).  It is a horrible thing to go through!  With trying to juggle school, a child, work, a realtionship and managing family time seems nearly impossible in the position of you both... for right now.  

I know that you both are having these feelings and it's great that you are that close to one another to want to reproduce but, it really does have to wait.  

I truly wish you both the best of luck and I am sure between the two of you, you will made a responsible decision.

Answer 12

Having, or not having, kids isn't a 50%/50% decision. It's a 100% commitment: Mind, Body and Soul.

Why are you in such a rush to have kids? That scared feeling might be you trying to tell yourself not to...

Answer 13

i would wait untill your graduated at least....kids are BIG responsibilitys and it helps alot if your ready.

Answer 14

We were born to love and be loved. Having a child is one way we express our love for each other and gain someone else who we can love and will love us in return.

You're young yet. You want a child but you need to think about all the responsibility you will have and the financial cost of having a child. Both are going to be more than you can even imagine before you have a child.

You are right to be scared. Its an awesome experience and a great responsibility. If you are worried about what your parents will think that is a big indication that you aren't ready.

I'm glad you are thinking bout the possibility of it ruining her life also. If you decided not to stick around you would be making her life much harder. Until you know you love her enough to stay with her forever and help her raise the child you have no business even considering it.

I think you know that and that's why you posted this question.

Answer 15

because you want to have the feeling of being a father and having something youve created but the responsibilities, and it being long term scare you

Answer 16

get married first. at least then you will be sure to give the child a stable home. and since you are the father, you will have little rights to the child's well-being unless you are married. the mother will get most of the rights.

at least if you're married first, you know that you can always work it out between you, and you won't be ruining her life b/c you'll be a team.