Why do woman LOVE to bring up the past?

Question

I have not meet one woman yet who doesn't bring up the past. I have become friends with my Ex's (sorta) and oh boy years have gone by and it's always........5 years ago you did this. Although I hear my married friends go through the same things all the time. Is this just a chemical imbalance you have or your way of starting drama when things are actually going good?

Answer 1

Hi,

Actually it is because women have better memories than men do.

    : >)

Answer 2

honestly , my husband asks me the same thing. its not a chemical imbalance, nor are we trying to create more "unnecessary drama ' i think its just our way of " reminiscing" of the things you used to do that was annoying and how you don't do them anymore.

Answer 3

I'm going to answer this without getting mad (I have about four brothers so eh)...I have to say, are you doing something that reminds your woman at the time, or your ex's, of the thing that you did awhile ago that pissed them off? Sometimes, guys will unknowingly do things like that and it'll start a woman up because men and women deal with emotions differently. My ex-boyfriend did silly things and then figured that just apologizing would be okay and then I'd just drop it, but women have a tendency of going over it and analyzing it sometimes so that the issue is not entirely over with in our minds; we're not that cut and dry. We want to understand the motive behind your decision (and deep down) want to know if it was something that we did to push you into that course of action; we're just insecure....sometimes.

But no, LOL, not a chemical imbalance, just men are from mars and women are from venus. When a woman tells you she's fine with a situation....she's really, really, REALLY not and she's still thinking about it five years later.

Answer 4

So out of the clear blue sky we bring something you did in the past or could it be that your doing something just as stupid that reminds us of what you did in the first place. Men don't like conflict so that means it never gets resolved and we women never forget.

Answer 5

i dont know why... maybe there  are good memory for the past.. that's why they want to bring up..to get your attention.

well, past is past.. we need to move forward..

Answer 6

Because men are a**holes. So when there is a cure for that, there will be a cure for all the drama or chemical imbalances..or whatever else you want to call it.

Men are idiots and we just like to remind them of those moments when it really shined through the most.

Oh and obvioulsy we got some kind of power over you...because you wouldn't be asking this question.

So ask yourself why you love being an a**hole and it would answer all your questions that you will have here on in..for the rest of your life.

Answer 7

I'm a woman and I don't bring up the past.  I detest it when anyone does this.  My ex husband used to do that.  He would bring up things that I didn't even remember saying from years before.  It was maddening.  I believe in resolving conflict at the time it happens.  Once it's resolved, it shouldn't be an issue for discussion or debate any more.

Answer 8

Well you haven't met me yet...lol.

The only past I ever bring up is happy memories...as far as I'm concerned, what's done is done....get over it and move on.....good luck

Answer 9

Women don't understand how annoying bring the past over and over again is. This is called nagging and this is why men feel the need to cheat on his gf with another women because he has a less likely chance of dealing with the nagging.

Answer 10

its our way of letting you men KNOW that we havent forgotten you mistakes and letting you know we are aware that those mistakes may happen again

Answer 11

Bring up the past is like having big muscles.

You lift someone up...they're good.

You knock someone down...they're bad.

The difference between men and women is that men are focused at solving the problem and women are more concerned about the relationship.

So if a woman brings up the past, it's her way of getting the conversation to focus on how the problem affects the relationship.

This is usually thought of by men as a big, long, tiring, utterly useless way to solve what should be a very simple problem.

Of course, we are only interested in the problem that sparked the argument. Once the problem is solved, the argument will go away.

This is usually thought of by women as short sided, lazy, and unsupportive.

As a guy, I try to look at the situation as actually two problems

1. The argument.

2. Getting the nasty female creature to shut up.

The first is easy because I've usually got the solution before the argument even gets going.

The second is harder because I've got to let the GIRL solve it for me.

In other words, I've got to allow the girl to vent off enough anger that she can go from argument to discussion.

So I usually (and magnanimously) say something like "Ok honey. I'm not going to talk. You rant at me for the next 15 minutes and try to explain yourself. You've got my full attention."

This calls attention to their ranting (which then usually stops), and I'VE set the ground rules (15 minutes). And, in fairness to her, I do listen carefully.

Usually this is all it really takes. She vents, she feels better, argument is over.

Then I solve the problem, and I ask if that makes her feel better.

When she says yes (although they've always got something else to add here), I give her a big hug and tell her that she's very special to me and she's used up her rant for the week (which keeps them on the important stuff...not just drama-production mode)

(yes, all women have the drama-production mode. Admit it ladies.)

So the important thing to do is always take control of the conversation early (because you don't want to tear it away from them, and they really don't want to carry it), and then give it back to them. They're grateful that you listened, you've kept the fight to under 20 minutes...everyone is happy.

Hmmm...guess I got off topic.

I wouldn't talk to that crazy ex again. Problem solved.

Now you may rant at me, but keep it to 15 minutes! :)

Answer 12

Woah, yeah Opie, women talk alot...

Simple enough, when behaviors are repeated that are hurtful to us, we bring up past examples of hurt so you will understand what is bothering us. A simple apology is useless if you do not understand the hurt so you do not repeat the behavior.

Often, men apologize, "Yeah, sorry honey... What's for supper?"

Pay attention to the underlying issue, not the incident.

When X happened, how did she feel? Disrespected, forgotten, insulted?

Perhaps she misunderstood your intentions, explain them. Nature abhors a void. If you don't fill that void with your truth, she will fill it with imagination.

Avoiding discussions or being patronizing only makes it inevitable that she brings up the issue again and again.

BTW, it is a woman's nature to socialize thru conversation. It is a man's nature to socialize thru activities. Let's respect our differences and not fling generalized accusations.

Answer 13

Men think that no matter what they've done, they can say they are sorry and things are all good again.  For many women, that's just not true.  It does depend on what has been done, but for the most part, women just don't let go that easily.  There was an episode of Dr. Phil once that dealt with cheating, the man had cheated on his wife, and he had apologized numerous times for it.  He was frustrated because she wouldn't let it go, and Dr. Phil told him that it didn't matter if he thought he had apologized enough, he needed to continue to apologize until she was satisfied.  Women need to know you are really, truly sorry, and if you're not it's pretty easy to hang on to.

Answer 14

yes this is a very good question and prob becuz they like to make out lives miserable and take it out on us again and again so that we never forget either and feel bad also 2.  yes it doesnt matter married or not it happens to every1 no matter wat.they like drama mostly but sume dnt but either way that prob y they love doing it and im sure sum other reasons 2