Why do women, as soon as they have a baby, put their husbands on the backburners?

Question

I was thinking about single-motherhood and why so many marriages break up after the introduction of a baby, and I realized, that men usually have affairs and the relationship dies sometime after a baby comes along. In most people there is room in our heart to love two things an equal amount. Most wives would not accept the idea that they are "#2" and get leftover love from their husband. Yet the moment a woman has a kid, her man takes a new place in her heart: #2. He gets leftover love, rather than primary love. This results in someone hurt. Its no wonder he has an affair because he is no longer important to his wife, who now has a child.

Marriages that work are those where the woman does not make her husband feel unimportant, like he doesn't matter anymore. Ask any single mom, who comes first, and it will always be her kids 99% of the time. No wonder they are single. THey need a man for unconditional love, yet they themselves are incapable of loving a man unconditionally. From the man they expect unconditional love. From the man they expect safety in a relationship, but from them they give conditional love, and from them they offer no safety in a relationship (its all about the kid).

Those women who, in their hearts are able to love their children AND their man with equal (yet different) unconditional love are the women who find their men are still around after baby. Those women who put the man on a backburner, are how single moms are made.

Answer 1

And of course you have all the data necessary to back up this theory?

Answer 2

because the baby is helpless and needs that attention, the women is also tired and doesn't have the energy to be jumping around every time you want her too. it's no longer about her or you it's about the child

Answer 3

You're assuming that the father isn't taking an interest and active role in nurturing the child. If so, he knows how taxing a newborn can be. Both parents lean on each other for support. Adding yet another person to the mix is just too d*mn complicating. When does Mom get to get treated like #1 if both baby and husband are being so needy? #1, #2 - please. There's more than enough love to go around when you're BOTH about your family.

Answer 4

Jeez dude...you over analyze everything. Get a clue and quit being so needy. Don't you have any friends instead of wallowing around in not getting enough attention.

Baby's need more attention. Maybe if you had a kid you would realize this!!

Answer 5

only an immature man would use an argument, my wife loves the baby more than me.

a woman has to spend every waking hour taking care of a baby, up multiple times a night to feed the baby, change the baby, soothe the baby...and the man is going to pout that the woman loves the baby more?  please

when a woman gets a full night's rest and time to herself, she makes a perfect wife, ready to give full attention to her husband...but u start giving her broken sleep all night for months, added baby weight to her figure, fluctuating hormones, new responsibilities, and trying to figure out how to manage all her time between a baby who demands attention 24/7 and a man demanding all her attention and her losing her entire identity in the process, and her figuring all this out on three hours of sleep a night and you want to argue who she loves more, you or the baby?  

wow im appalled  

Answer 6

In alot of the cases of marriages that end in divorce after the birth of a child the blame can be placed with the man. When a woman has a baby all of her attention has to go to taking care of the new baby. The baby is reliant on the mother for everything. If more men could pitch in and help I think alot of marriages could be saved. Things will never return to the pre-baby days. Responsibilities have changed. Everybody has to adjust to the changes.

Answer 7

Because women try to make the baby into all the things that the husband isn't. She has CONTROL over this individual and does everything her heart desires, everything that the husband won't do.

Answer 8

me and my husband were having s*x 2 and a half weeks after our daughter was born. i was lucky however cause my husband helped with night feeds and let me catch up on sleep so i still kept my s*x drive high. not all husbands are as helpful as mine but i love my husband and daughter equally and my husband says the same about me and or daughter

Answer 9

I see this alot and its hard to juggle being at home all day with the kids then switching to attending to a husband. what are the children supossed to do when dad gets home? sleep ?? this is why i don't want kids ... I know that kids would not make my life happy and i would be a great mom but could not handle putting them in a day care.. so yeah only if everyone could just take a step back and look at there future like i did... there would be less unwanted kids running around lol... people say they are happy cuz they dont' want to admit they wish they never had kids but I know the real deal cuz i see how frustrated and angry they get ...ever see nanny 911??? those moms seriously wish they never had kids till someone comes and shows them how to do life the right way..  

Answer 10

WOW!!! From a woman's perspective, I think you are absolutely CORRECT, but in a really wrong way! I also think you should not push away your man! AND that is #1 reason for divorce and breakups. But I am a firm believer that you should always put your kids first. They need a lot from their parents but not just one. See where I'm getting at? You and your spouse will be raising the kid(s) together therefor you are giving each other the same attention - family wise. But your man also need you and just you - NO KIDS!!! I have 2 kids now with my man and we have been together for 9 years! I still love him unconditionally. I give him my time and devotion, after my kids, BUT I do give him just about the same amount. I tend to my children but at the same time tend to my man!  

Answer 11

I agree with you. My husband is my main priority. And I'm his. I think that's how it should be. If you can keep your marriage happy and healthy then the kids can't help but benefit from it.

Answer 12

Your an idiot, children need their parents more than a man needs attention and if you don't understand that, never have kids.

Answer 13

through a scientific angle, i would say this happens b/c 1) an infant is helpless while a grown man can help himself 2) the man in the relationship is not of blood relations to the woman, and the new child is. this doesn't necessarily mean your wife doesn't care about you anymore, or as you put it, "put you on the back burner." naturally, the child will need more attention than you will.

don't forget that the new addition to your family spent 9 MONTHS INSIDE YOUR WIFE. personally, if anything comes out of me after growing in my uterus for nine months, i don't care if it's a dirty old boot, i'm going to pay a lot of attention to it. ^.^

whatever you do, don't be sour about it... your wife loves you no matter what. continue giving her the attention and love she needs and deserves, and she'll slowly realize that you need some attention too. but for right now, let her do what she needs to do.

Answer 14

i do agree. @ first i was ignoring my husband etc.. and one day i realized that he was feeling 2nd best. (thank god it didnt take cheating or anything like that to make me realize) now i go out of my way to make him feel special. bc he is special. it just wouldnt work w/out him.

Answer 15

That's why so many men have lovers when their wive's are pregnant...  The guys drop to #2, so someone has to pick up the slack.. thank god there is no shortage of sl u t s around....   hopefully though, the lover thing ends in time to save the marrage and take care of the kids.

Answer 16

A good mother will direct more ATTENTION to a baby soon after he/she is born because that is what is needed.  A baby takes constant 24/7 care.  

But she will also still LOVE equally.

You are comparing apples to oranges here and it either sounds like you're a jealous man who doesn't want to share time or like a man who is not very understanding of an infants needs.

Answer 17

Let me be perfectly clear about this: Adultery does NOT solve your marriage problems. It's like accidentally stubbing your toe, and then deciding that the best way to react to it is to use a gun to shoot yourself in the foot. Adultery only makes the original problem so much worse!

Of course having a baby is a big adjustment, and not everyone adjusts to it well. The mom pays too much attention to the baby, and the man feels neglected. That's not the best reaction to new motherhood. Then, the man feels neglected, so he whines about how unfair it is and has s*x with other women. In my opinion, that's an even worse reaction!

If you feel like you're not getting enough attention from your wife, then try to share the responsibility 50/50. Two people doing the same job can get the work done in half the time. Then you'll have that free time to spend with each other. Also, it will mean she's less worn out when it comes times for you-know-what.

In addition to that, you should consider getting a babysitter occasionally, so that you can spend alone time together occasionally too. It's important to find time to re-connect.

Ultimately, the answer to this dilemma is not adultery or blaming women entirely for a marriage falling apart, it's called working together and working it out. Divorce is so common, because people give up at the first sign of difficulty and take the path of least resistance.