Why do women go for marrige if they dont wish to change their last name?

Question

Live in relationships should suffice and as it is there are more live in relationships than marriges.

The institution of marrige is based on age old traditions and women have alwyas changed their last name as per convention?

Is it because marrige makes them legally very powerful in terms of laws in terms of property and money?

Answer 1

I still maintain that if a couple chooses to be in a long term, live together scenario they OWE it to themselves to learn about the laws regarding what could happen in a break up.  I think there are a LOT of people out there who kid themselves thinking that living with someone means they can have their cake and eat it too.  (I also believe that this fully applies to marriage as well)

Both marriage and common law relationships have LEGAL definitions.  Marriage is NOT simply a religious institution.  It comes down to a simple matter of choice and preference in how one chooses to live ones' life.

Answer 2

Because they lack commitment to the marriage.  They are probably more likely to be divorced.

Answer 3

If a woman doesn't want to change her last name when she gets married, then she doesn't have to.  It is not required by Law that the woman change it.  In our country the Law wins over tradition.  If a man doesn't have to change his last name, why should a woman?  Why should a woman have to give up her history and a man doesn't?

Why does the FLDS Polygamist Ranch go for Polygamy when a monogomous marriage is tradition?  Because the Law says they can because of their Religion, and they do.

Answer 4

marriage is about more than sharing a last name. the tradition may have worked in the past, but women with careers are at a great disadvantage if they suddenly change their last names.

Answer 5

It simply is not for me to decide what someone else does.   Why does it concern you what other people choose?

I spent lots of money for college degrees issued in my birth name.   Not going to change it ever.

Answer 6

you seem to be forgetting some men want to take on the womans last name.

Answer 7

The reason I did not change my name was not for dishonest reasons as one poster has claimed. The reason I did not do it is because I wanted to preserve the name. I'm pretty much the end of the line. I have no brothers and since my parents were only children, I also have few close relatives. Would that person have preferred for me to give up my unique and rare last name to take a very common name or one that is shared by dozens of his relatives just so he and his family won't be offended? Perhaps he would also like his wife to take his first name. After all, isn't that "tradition" for the wife to give up her own identity and merge with him so that she become little more than an extension of him?

Answer 8

I don't think that being able to change one's name is the first thin women think about when they're proposed to. Nor i don't think is being able to have property and money. (any one unselfish anyway.)

I think that now, since women are more empowered and have a bigger say in society as a whole, some of them like the idea of marriage, but don't want to be tied down with a name.

that's just my ideas. =)

Answer 9

There is no credible reason to not want to change their name. The only reasons would be dishonest ones.

1. They aren't willing to show commitment towards their spouse.

2. They are showing that they dislike their husband's name, thus insulting his family.

3. They want to remain independent, they don't want people knowing that they are married.

4. They don't respect tradition or the commitment of marriage.

Personally I would be deeply offended if I were to be married to someone who would not take my name. To me it would be a sign of resentment. It would offend my family and me personally that she would show such distaste for my name.

Answer 10

I'm married and I still have my maiden name.

I chose to get married because I wanted to make a legal and public commitment to my husband.

I chose to keep my maiden name because it's part of my identity and has been for almost 30 years.  I don't feel I should have to give up my identity because I chose to get married.

The two were not related.

Also remember that women changing their names had more to do with them being viewed as the property of their husbands, it wasn't just convention.

Answer 11

Because they want a committment with someone they love. My sister didn't change her last name when she married in her 30s. She felt very used to her maiden name and was proud of the fact she had become an attorney with her name. She and her husband split everything, the bills, the caring for their children. They are very happy. It's not about empowerment, it's about love and making a pledge to treasure someone for the rest of your life.

Answer 12

I did change my name, when I got married in the early 70s. If I had it to do over again, I would not. If you are a woman, I would advise you not to do it. Here's why:

Everyone's name is part of their history, their identity. You may not miss it, or appreciate the fracture to your self concept, until you do it. It's not so easy to just change it; it's very disorienting, if you have a strongly developed sense of self. It's like the trail has suddenly gone cold on you as an individual. You become unrecognizable / invisible to those who knew you by that original name. It's very fracturing to social continuity for women. For example, at this point in my life, I would love to look up female friends from high school and college, female neighbors from several years ago, female cousins I haven't seen since my dad died, etc., but good luck with that, as most of them almost certainly no longer have their original names, and I have no way of finding out what they call themselves now. In fact, I could know some of them again now by their married name and as we have aged and may not look like we did several years ago, we may not even be aware that we knew each other. That has happened to me before!

I don't know a better way to say it--it renders a person's social history invisible, and forces them to start over again in forging a public identity, record, visibility. It makes you hard to trace or track or contact. It's a "legal alias" and if you think about it, people take an alias when they are hiding or don't want to be recognized. This is an unintended consequence for women when they change their last name.

Sometimes it's just hard to remember new last names for half the people you know as they marry and change their last names. I have entries for women friends under maiden & married names, since I can't remember their married names half the time.

Not sure where you got the info that there are more live-in relationships than marriage. You should document that kind of thing, so we know you know what you're talking about. Don't know what continent, country, city, etc., you are in, and if this is an international statistic or what you're claiming it to be.

One thing to consider, though, with divorce and name changing is that most people who get divorced do eventually remarry. The report linked, below, from 2002 says, "... Table 37 shows that 54 percent of divorced women remarry within 5 years and 75 percent of divorced women remarry within 10 years ... ." So that presents a dilemma, now that we've started down this slippery name-changing slope. Does a divorced women keep the family name of a family she longer belongs to? Or does she change it back to her maiden name? If she changes it back, she has a loss of continuity with all the people and institutions with whom she was involved with her married name. Later, if she remarries, she will likely change her name AGAIN, and now she has potentially "three lifetimes" that have become fractured socially, legally, and render her unrecognizable or invisible to all who knew her at one time under just one of those names.

You are right that marriage is based on age old traditions, and they were about property laws, not love. Marriage transferred title from the father to the husband ("Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?") The woman was not a free agent, and she was her father's property unless and until she married. It was just "convention".

There is marriage, as a legal thing, and there is marriage as a sacramental thing. So marriage as a sacramental thing didn't matter to me, as I'm an atheist. Marriage as a legal thing was somewhat important to me, although not too important, I don't suppose, as I didn't marry till I was 36. I had other opportunities. Anyway, I would say for both my husband and I, marriage was a way of legally connecting our families, and a way of establishing a household unit that provides security for both of us in a way that laws governing common law marriage (live in relationships) doesn't. Both spouses have the same legal power in property & money in a marriage. The CDC (link to whole report, below) also has found benefits of marriage that include several things, such as "...Compared with unmarried people, married men and women tend to have lower mortality, less risky behavior, more monitoring of health, more compliance with medical regimens, higher sexual frequency, more satisfaction with their sexual lives, more savings, and higher wages (1–3).

There's really no connection whatsoever between marriage's benefits & name change.

Hope that answers some of your questions.

Answer 13

Marriage is a common agreement contract between two adults, is more than a tradition thing. Actually, in my coutry, the single name is the only one valid name for law.

Answer 14

It's like a pre-nup agreement.  Just in case it doesn't work out, she doesn't have to change her name back.

Answer 15

When I married I took my husband's name gladly as a sign of commitment and then, it didn't hurt that his name is common and easy to spell and remember and my former name was very odd...also, I had about used up the former name and wanted to disappear from it...

Answer 16

they are chosing to get married because they love the person, not because their first name sounds good with the last name!!!

Answer 17

Why do men get married if they do not want to take their wives' last names?  

See how there is no connection.

Try to think outside the box.

Are you aware that there are women who get married and have more property and more money than their husbands?  That women can often earn more than their husbands.  Ever wonder why Oprah never got married?

Answer 18

This is 2008 most women have the choice not to, and if the husband doesn't have a problem with it, who cares?

It doesn't mean anything other that they want to keep their last name the reason is their own.  Could be they are the last in the family and want to carry their fathers name on.  

Marriage doesn't make anyone legally powerful, and you should get more experience under your belt to kick out allegations. That you have no fact to back it up.

Answer 19

I don't think the two are necessarily linked.  People can want to marry for reasons other than property and marriage - like feeling the need and desire to commit in a legal way.  But why does that have to mean name change?  And why is it such a big deal if they want to keep their maiden name?

Answer 20

There are many legitimate reasons why a woman would keep her given name rather than take her husband's name.

Some women only keep their given name for professional reasons...and used their married name socially.

Some women are the last in their biological bloodline so they do it to honor their ancestors.

Some women don't believe their identity should be submerge simply because they are getting married. They don't believe they should have to give up them in order to get love from someone else...especially when that someone else is not willing to change anything about himself.

and finally...it's their own business. None of yours.

Answer 21

A woman marries for the same reason as a man: to solidify and legalize the relationship. They believe it's best to get married before having children in order to get the benefits that comes with marriage. A woman changing her name doesn't make her a better or worse wife than one who doesn't. It's optional and it already is (no state requires the woman to take her husband's name). Institution of marriage is based on tradition but also depends on what culture and time period you are in. Marriage is versatile and easily changed. Many women haven't taken their husband's name since many years now. It hasn't harmed marriage in any way.

It makes more sense since changing your last name legally involves a whole lot of paperwork (changing social security, IDs, drivers' license etc). For what? So that her husband can feel secure in his own manhood? A confident man wouldn't care if his wife wanted to keep her own name. Plus, many women who work have their degrees and business cards already in their names and their whole clientele and co-workers know her with that name. To have her changed it would mean altering her life. It's pretty unnecessary.