Why do women seem to think that a child is a possession???

Question

I just read a question and my problem (or question) is less about what this person asked and more about the answers. It was about a four month old and daddy only saw baby twice.. mom wanted to know if moving away and going for sole custody was right even though he recently has shown or expressed interest...

So my question is why do so many woman think it's okay to hop City/State with the kiddo and not even think about the dad? Is he not entitled to the child as well? After all that baby is half his DNA. I think four months is a bit premature to lable him "dead beat" or say he's worthless...

Since when did women become god when it comes to their children and why didn't I get this memo that we could run around sleeping irresponsibly, getting knocked up, and refusing to allow the father to have a relationship with the baby... I even know someone who went as far as having another guy sign on because "she didn't like her baby's daddy"...

Answer 1

Well, I think its more a question of why don't fathers try harder to be in their childrens lives so its not an OPTION for women to act this way. The behavior you describe is more of a reaction to a mans disregard for a childs well being and just because he has a moment of enlightenment or GUILT doesn't mean a womans life should be put on hold. If there are opportunities elsewhere and she sees no reason to stay other than the MAYBE chance that her "baby daddy" will participate, she should do it. And until you are in the position yourself or are affected by it somehow you shouldn't feel free to pass judgement on anyone who has to deal with it daily.

Answer 2

I love that you asked this question---it shows me again that you are a really good person who wrestles with these issues.

Basically, during the first years of a child's life, mother knows best. She has the closest connection, she is involved in the day-to-day activities, and her judgement is to be trusted.

A man has an important place in a child's life, too, but many of us are assoles and not deserving an equal vote in what will be the well=being of the child.

I have been blessed with an ex-worf who gives me lots of access and priveleges with my son, but she is the boss. She has the final word, and that word is law, and she and her opinions are more often correct than mine are.

Not ALWAYS. Sometimes I am right. but these things have worked out pretty well and our son is a happy, healthy, well-adjusted kid that we are both proud of. He will likely come live with me when he turns 18, and there will always be conflicts. But in this case, Mother Knows Best, and I am happy with that.

Answer 3

Simple, a sperm and an egg does not make a parent.  "Recently interested"  where was this guy when the mother had to buy the maternity clothes, go to the doctor, but all the things for a newborn?  He refused to have anything to do with the mother and baby before birth.  That baby was a baby the day/night that it was conceived.  2 times in 4 months?  Sounds like he wants to just come around when he feels like it.  This is detrimental to the baby's emotional well-being and can have ill-effects in the future.

Answer 4

I don't really have a great answer for you but I will say that it is a song that is sung all too often. I would say though that it is the CHILD'S right to know his father, not the other way around.

I do want to respond to the above answer by saying that is the most ignorant yet very common thought about child/father relationships.  A child is NOT better off never knowing his father.  Unless the father is abusive in some way, the child should see him when possible.  Even if it is a dead-beat dad, who shows up only when convenient, that is definitely better than nothing at all.

Answer 5

So the mother should be in the child's life 24/7 and make every sacrifice to raise the child... but the father should be able to come and go from the child's life as he pleases?  I don't think so.  A child is better off without ever knowing the father, then to suffer perpetual rejection his/her entire life.

That being said, I believe in being in a married, stable relationship before having children.  However, I know life can sometimes throw curveballs and the guy can change overnight.

Answer 6

Ok its been four months and he has seen the baby twice and has had 120 days to try and see the child, if he wasn't a dead beat then is he paying support or anything. It's not tHAT PEOPLE CLAIM THEIR CHILDREN AS POSSESIONS but rather are attempting to make sure that they act in the best interest for their child.

Answer 7

There are lots of bad fathers out there. And its better (even if he shows interest) to keep a child away from his influences. It's not about posessiveness. It's about protectiveness.

Answer 8

First let me say that I think it's a difficult decision to make! I myself have been in this situation.

I did everything I could, he'd call and say he was coming but wouldn't show up, come down here and then go get drunk with friends, or get upset with me and decide to leave (even if I offered to leave so that he could spend time with the kids). He made it about me and him and didn't put their needs first. It was at his convenience! Why should he get to see them when he wants to but they couldn't see him when they wanted to!?!

After our last big blow out he left...that was over 4 years ago and since then he has lived 3 blocks over, his nephew lived down the street, and he has never once sent as much as a birthday card!!! His mother has made attempts on his behalf but why put someone in their lives who can't/won't make it a point to be there themselves??? So in my opinion it is sometimes in the best interest of the child!

Now at 4 months old this guy has finally "expressed interest"! So what is this mother to do hold her breath and hope? It's hard to believe that the one person who should love this child as much as you do can put their selfishness first. Don't get me wrong, I understand your point that although he hasn't been involved for the first few months how can you decide that he shouldn't be involved for the next 17 1/2 years. It may be a little premature but who wants to see their child hurt repeatedly?I think he should probably be given a chance but he sure as h**l hasn't SHOWN that he deserves one!

"Every child deserves a father but not every father deserves their child!"