Why do women stay in abusive relationships? Why don't they leave? What can help you change their minds about ?

Question

staying/leaving?

Answer 1

cause they dont love themselves enough or they think they dont deserve or can't get better. i have watched enough movies to know. so sad most of them end up in prison for killing their hubby or 6 feet under for being dead and the sucker goes free.

Answer 2

as a woman that was in an abusive relationship and barely survived it, the went on to study violence against women I can say that these men lure you in, with promises of change and eternal love. they are jealous and demanding, but at first in a cute way. they give you all the attention you ever wanted and before you know its too late. your trapped, he has separated you from your friends and family and your trapped in a hopeless state. its called learned helplessness and battered women's syndrome. Only they know when they are ready to leave.  

Answer 3

If they are married, they fear being alone and having a "failed" marriage.  This goes for both physical and emotional abuse.  I was in an emotionally abusive relationship but I knew I had to leave because I knew I couldn't stay and die a spiritual death.    

It's hard being married in that situation because marriage is a lifetime thing and we fear being alone when it ends.  It's also scary that someone could hate you so much as to abuse you.  It takes a toll on your self esteem.    

I think no one can change the mind of someone who stays in an abusive relationship.  No matter what you say, there is the abuser telling them they will change-- and they do for a time but then revert.  The woman holds on to their promises because they love them and want to be loved.  The only thing that can make them go is when they get it that they can't stay.  It's an inner will.

Answer 4

Women stay in the fear of being alone.

Answer 5

Judas Rage has hit the nail on the head with this matter!!! That is exactly what happens and you feel you have no one to turn to, plus you are so humiliated and ashamed. I've lived that and I know.

Answer 6

they stay because some times they feel that they have already had a failing marriage or they are afraid to be alone so they decide that it is best to just keep the pain so they can have some one. my step dad hit my mom and he has always been an a*****e but my mom won't leave him and she will just put up with him all the time .. they're many people that have told her she should leave him ( that's why she hates my grandma , because my grandma told her to leave him) i think he brainwashed my mom in to believing that he loves her ... but that's what i think .. and you really can't change someones mind they are the ones who have to want to change their minds...

P.s. my biological dad cheated on my mom soo that could be a reason why..  

Answer 7

Because they feel worthless

Answer 8

education and therapy would help them change their minds, women stay because they have no self worth, and don't love themselves. some women fear the unknown, feat they will never find anyone else again, fear being alone and financially unable to make it. providing these women with help to get out of it, a job, some public assistance and a legal aide to help them get a divorce would help them, but so many govt programs have so much red tape and there is such a waiting period that the women get disillusioned and go back with their abuser.

Answer 9

They have low self esteem and even abuse is some form of attention to their way of thinking, they are very easy to brainwash by abusive people, so they don't know no better, you just have to give support to them and help them to see that they can do better in a relationship for themselves.

Answer 10

Personally, I think it's because they want something they can't have. (normal relationship with this person)  People (men & women) that are with someone that is cruel and abusive tend to want to hang in there and make that person change.  They try to be nice, submissive, rebellious etc etc;.  They usually try everything they can think of to make that person change.  They even lie to themselves, and trick themselves into believing that this person loves them although they keep treating them like dirt.  They want to believe the same lies over and over again, thinking things will change.

This goes for men as well as women.  I stayed 4 years with a woman that was pathetic, self centered, jealous, controlling and just used me. The whole time she was telling me how much she loved me.  Stupid me, waisted 4 years of my life with this control freak that probably was s******g around on me.

Anyways, in a relationship, if your not getting as much as your putting into it; you are only cheating yourself out of happiness and a healthy relationship.

Answer 11

Many women stay because the abuse has gotten to their heads so much that they feel like they're worthless, or that they couldn't make it on their own.  They feel that even though their spouse is abusive and harmful to them and their physical AND emotional well being, that they would not be able to survive without that person.

It's rather unfortunate, because they could be essentially ending their lives -- whether in the literal sense or possibly just by becoming a shell of a person being basically emotionless and dead inside.

There really isn't much you can do to change their mind -- I'm assuming that this is a friend of yours?  All you can do is sit her down sometime when you're alone, and tell her that you're worried for her.  Say that you fear for her safety and physical and emotional well being.  Explain that you'd love for her to get away from him however possible (even offer her a place to stay if she needs one?) and that you will be there to support her any way you can.  If she refuses or defends her husbands/boyfriends actions, probably the best thing you could do would be to let it go.  Nod, smile, and say "Okay."  However, let her know that you're there for her no matter WHAT she needs, and tell her she can call you any hour of any day if she needs help.

Good luck -- and pray for her.