Why do women stay with men who could be dangerous to their babies?

Question

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjLnmFLrdyuL8DeP1KjAbmjsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080816165240AAGWRMn&show=7#profile-info-voKnIZ6Waa

This question got me thinking about it. Why would a women keep a man in her life that was toxic and abusive?

Answer 1

wow...you all got the question totally wrong! i dont want anything to do with him anymore, ive asked him to sign away his rights and he WONT so im trying to have a CIVIL relationship with him....no thought of us getting back together is in my mind. he isnt abusive either, he has never once hit me. furthermore....i know he wouldnt have left my baby hungry if i wasnt there he wouldve fed him. he just didnt because i was there and he knew the job would get done. he's a brat, simple as that and i dont want a huge custody battle.

Answer 2

1  "Because I love him." Translation: mother in question is too immature/selfish to be a mother.

2  "Because he pays the bills." Leaving doesn't look like such a hot option if you have nowhere to go and no way to support yourself and your child.

3  Because they were raised that way themselves, and have no idea normal families don't do nasty things like that. :-(

Answer 3

It's actually simple

Almost every single woman in that situation went through some sort of trauma in her childhood. In fact, I would say all but I'm sure there's one person out there who is the exception to the rule.

When kids are abused sexually or physically their 'wiring' actually changes, and it sets them up for a lifetime of repeating the pattern. They (unconsciously) look for relationships that will actually repeat the trauma over and over. Even if they realize it's a bad situation, they're powerless to make it stop because when they leave, they'll just find another guy to treat them like that whether it's being unavailable, hitting them, being unreliable..

Often, they don't even realize it's happening, or that they're living a pattern, but victims put themselves in situations where they will be victimized again.

I am NOT blaming women for being abused or anything at all like that. It's not their fault that something happened to them. But, in 95% of cases, that's the reason.  

Answer 4

because there stupid!

I would never be with anyone who could harm my baby. He is my everything and would never ever let something happen to him

But honestly these girls probably think that there the only one that would want them and they are probably scared. But that is no excuse to be with somenone that would harm your child.

Answer 5

My only guess is because that person would be selfish and insecure and just wants someone to love them (which is even more messed up because it's clear that the guy doesn't love them) .  When in reality they should be more concerned with the safety and well being of their child.  

Answer 6

I'm not sure, as I've never been in that situation. I'd assume that it's because they think it will stop. the man hurts her or her child and then he says sorry and promises that it'll never happen again. and then it happens again and again and it gets to the point where either she leaves him or he kills her. Maybe women like this stay because they have no where else to go. Maybe she was raised in an abusive home and thinks that everybodys life is like hers or that she deserves to be treated in that way. I think it's not just one reason why they stay. It's probably a bunch of different reasons.

Answer 7

From my experience (my parents)  I think that the woman is insecure and feels that what she has is better than being alone.  OR they don't see how serious the situation is, they think there husband was just mad but he loves them, so they justify the relationship in there mind.  the day my parents finally split up for good was one of the best days in my life, i can remember every detail and will never forget it.  I feel i have learned from it though and I know that is a relationship i would never want for myself or my children.

Answer 8

Its sad.  It really is.  I have seen it happen personally pretty much my whole childhood throughout my whole family. My mom has 5 sisters.  3 of her sister's children's fathers are in jail for abusing them. Mostly sexual abuse but there was more to it than that.  My one cousin's step-dad was charged with raping her 216 times from the time she was 11 til she was 16 and finally told someone.  He is now serving 7 years in prison.  Her mother had 2 younger girls to him and she still blames her oldest daughter for their father not being around for them.  I just think it is sick.  My other cousin, a 6 year old boy, was removed from his mothers care and put in foster care at the age of 2 because her b/f was giving him alcohol.  She got him back 2 years later while the bf was in jail.  After he got out of jail last year he sexually abused the boy and now is back in prison doing a lot of time.

I am not with my daughters father because after I got pregnant he became very protective and verbally and mentally abusive.  Wouldn't let me do anything, quit his job to stay home and watch me to make sure I wasn't leaving the house.  He wouldn't even let me go see my Aunt that lived around the corner.  He cut up a lot of my clothes.  I wasn't allowed to leave the house without long pants and long sleeve shirts on. He tore up all my prom pictures from way before i met him because they had another guy in them. So I left him and then he started coming to my house threatening to harm me if I didnt get back with him so I after many domestic disturbance calls to 911 to have him removed from my front porch, the police told me to go get a Protection From Abuse Order and I did.  He wasn't allowed near me the rest of my pregnancy.  He is apart of his daughters life now, he does see her and he is a great father.  He and I get along GREAT as friends, but I have since seen him treat women horribly.  He has jealousy issues when it comes to having a g/f and I couldnt deal with it.

Now the really sad thing is...my sister is going through the EXACT same thing.  She was living in NC with a guy that fought with her about EVERYTHING all the time. She is almost 4 months pregnant with his baby. About a month ago my mom flew her back to PA cause he was really getting back with the screaming at her and so on.  Now she is talking about going back to him but I hear them fighting on the phone atleast 3 times a day.  Since she has moved out, he has moved his ex-wife and 4 month old daughter back in with him and he doesn't expect my sister to have a problem with that but he has a fit if she comes over to my house cause he doesnt want her around my boyfriend.  He says its cause he doesnt trust him but he has NEVER met my boyfriend.  My family really dislikes this guy, he lies CONSTANTLY.  He lies so much he doesnt know how to keep them all straight and gets himself caught up in them.  Tonight while I was at my moms they were fighting and he was saying that if she didnt come back to NC to have the baby that when it was born he was coming up here, getting full custody and taking it away from her,  [[[[: My mom was working a full time and part time job and she just recently got laid off from the full time one so she went full time at the other.]]]] He says the court will let him have the baby cause she is living with my mom and my mom just got laid off from her job and now only has 1 job.  I mean....to me that makes NO SENSE.  But he says these things to try to intimidate her and scare her into coming back down there.  I have tried OVER AND OVER to tell her its NOT a good idea.  That she needs to stay away from him.  She just keeps going right back to talking to him.  He disrespects my whole family.  Calling me a s*ut cause my kids have 2 dads but his have 2 moms.  I just dont understand why someone would want to be with a guy that treats their family that way.  He said he was gonna call CPS on me one day cause he heard me in the background hollering at my daughter to get out of the garbage can and he said that makes me an unfit parent. He is just an a**hole.  There are no 2 ways around it.  

Sorry I just get really upset with it comes to this type of situation. I dont understand it. I really don't.

Answer 9

I would never let my daughter be around anyone who could hurt her. But to answer your question

alot of times it may be culture. The women would be seen with shame if she was to be a single parent and she would not be able to fend for herself

also I think self esteem is a big one. when a women feels that she needs the man in her life because she cant get by without him.

Im sure there are alot of other reasons too. And unless you have walked a mile in that persons shoes you can not completly understand what they are.

Its very sad when women dont leave bad relationships especially when it is the children that suffer

Answer 10

Honestly, it's one of those things you will NOT understand until you're in that position.

Answer 11

I have a cousin in this position she has four children and her boyfriend father of the children is abusive. She says that she stays with him because she loves him but she has also said that she stays because she is afraid of what he will do to her or the children if she leaves. This is really a situation that someone will never understand if they haven't been in it themselves.

Answer 12

Most women like this are addicted to toxic relationships and/or grew up in an abusive home. It's really something that you can't understand unless you grow through it. Most of these men groom these women until they have no self-esteem left and they think they need a man.

Answer 13

That is so sad.  :-(

I have a hard time judging anyone and trying to get inside their heads.  It just makes me sad for them and for their child.

Answer 14

Because some women have such low self-esteem that they feel that having ANY man in their lives is better than having no man at all and being alone.