Why do women still complain?

Question

I know someone who;s got a kid and is constantly complaining that she's TTC for the 2nd one and its not happening. She's been trying for a yr now. How do u explain ppl who are childless, whom have been trying without any success at all for the past 4 1/2 yrs?

Answer 1

ttc is just frustrating for everyone no matter how many children you have got  

Answer 2

Would you tell a woman whose child died to stop complaining because she still has other children?

Answer 3

Sorry you got some 'emotional' responses! I know what you're saying entirely, and after TTC for 21 cycles, I often feel the same way. But I wanted to add to the conversation that for women who got pregnant very quickly the first time, they often have MORE of a shock when they can't get pregnant instantly the next time. As if they did something wrong during their first pregnancy, or having the first baby messed up the possibility of having the second one. They go through different emotions than women who are simply trying to have one, dammit :)

Answer 4

You clearly are practicing the old saying "the grass is always greener."  Stop looking at her yard where there's one kid running around and hang out in your own!  :D

TTC is hard on everyone, whether you have one child, no children, or ten children.  It's always going to be hard and stressful.  I'm sorry you've been struggling with it for four and a half years.  It's a long time.  I'm sure you'd agree though, that the first year you tried was long as well.  Obviously your friend is talking to you b/c she feels like you really understand where she's coming from.  Take it as a sign that she trusts you and commiserates with you rather than that she's trying to "one up" you.  

I have three children, I just lost one to miscarriage, and DH and I are going to try for another.  The entire process has been emotionally difficult on us.  I still value and love the children I already have and feel blessed to have them but that doesn't change the fact that TTCing is hard and stressful.  I'm sure your friend feels the same.

Good luck trying to get pregnant.  It will happen in God's perfect timing.  A friend of mine tried for more than four years to get pregnant, even went to fertility specialists who told her that neither she nor her husband had any fertility issues at all.  Finally, they decided to adopt a baby and guess what?  When their first baby was born, they were three months pregnant with the second.  It happened for them again a couple of years later.  They decided to adopt their third and were two months preggo with number four at the birth of number three.  My point?  Never say never.  

Baby dust to you!!

Answer 5

hi,

ive been ttc 1 for about 7 years now and yes i know what you mean it is tough when you hear some people complaining when you think 'be grateful you have 1 child, count your blessings you have at least 1 child!' - we have none! and look at us!  i know i'd be happy if i had 1 and wouldn't be greedy,  but i also know i would ttc for no 2 at some point,(if i was lucky enough to have 1 in the first place!) (i do tend to think i'd love twins then i wouldn't have to deal with the pain of all this again though)

but- it must be just as tough for them as well, (although admittly not as hard as no 1) but still as stressful and painful - afterall they just want a family like everyone else

Answer 6

It's not a competition of 'who is having the most miserable time'. We all have feelings and have the right to express those. If someone else choses not to express their feelings, that is up to them.

Answer 7

They are complaining because THEY have been trying for a long time.  While 4 1/2 years is longer than a year, a year is STILL a long time if you want a baby and hoped it would happen sooner.  Listen politely to her gripes, commisserate, and move on.  

Answer 8

I'm sure she does count her blessings - but the stress of TTC will still be there if you desperately want a second or third child and it's not happening.

It's all relative I guess.

Answer 9

She just obviously can't keep in how she feels about trying for her 2nd one.

I think, like myself and so many others, that when you want another baby it's like you can't think about anything else except ovulation times, and the wait until you can take a test, it's all consuming so don't think badly of her.

Answer 10

Everyone's problems are individual to themselves and you can't judge a person's experience to be worse than anothers  Its all relative.

For example, my brother committed suicide when he was 18.  A few years later when one of my mum's friends kids killed themselves, the kid's mum talking to my mum said 'Well at least you've got another child.  X was my only one.  Its OK for you'

I mean can you imagine it?? Telling a mum that its OK she's lost a kid as long as she's got another one?

I'm really sorry you're having a tough time but your friend will feel every bit as sad as you at not being able to conceive even if she has one baby and you have none.  You should be trying to support each other rather than feeling like she has no right.  You are both suffering for the same reason after all.

Answer 11

i agree... i am in a situation where i have been struggling for baby no.1 and you have these women who have children (or 1 child even) who forget what they have....  

Answer 12

Because they are hoping their children will be close together in age.  TTC is frustrating for everyone.  Don't downplay anyone else's situation just because there is always someone out there who may have it worse.

Answer 13

As a man, I have noticed women complain all the time about everything. It is their way of getting things from poeople. In this case, it does not matter how much she complains, the immediate situation is not going to change. Still, just cause her situation is not changing, does not mean she won't resort to the same problem solving techniques such as complaing.