Why do you feel children listen better to other ppl than their own parents?

Question

I have heard a theory more than once that the reason why some children listen to their teacher/babysitter/coach better than their own parents is due to the fact that the child feels they have to work to earn their teachers etc. affection (for example: by listening). While with the child’s own parents they do not listen because they know that they will love them no matter what. I am of the opinion that the teacher etc. has set consequences where the parent may not. I have based my opinion off of observation. What is your opinion?

BTW: I am speaking more about elementary school-aged children.

Answer 1

they feel like they can be themselves around family and friends but when theyre with someone they get shy and reserved.

Answer 2

i know the kids i babysit listen to me better then their mom bc she doesn't listen to them.  One can't really talk good. she doesn't even try to under stand what he is saying.

Answer 3

All the posters have good ideas.  I would like to add that the parents are more connected empathetically to the kids, and that means that when a parent disciplines a child, he or she feels it along with them, and that may in some cases limit their ability to discipline effectively.  In other words, they are more sorry about taking something away or sending the child to the time out bench than a coach or a teacher would be.  The non-connected non-family-member has a better advantage in the power struggle.

Answer 4

Then my son could be an exception. He truly listens to me and his dad. We spend time each day sitting together talking with each other and he carefully listens to my answers and I carefully listen to what he has to tell me. I personally enjoy this "quality" times of listening to each other.

So perhaps I am just lucky.

Answer 5

Because they dont know what buttons to push on these new people and they dont know  these new peoples limits like they do when its Mom and Dad.

Answer 6

In my experience, "problem" children listen to teachers, typically, better than anyone else because the schools have set specific boundaries/consequences for actions and behaviors.  Many well mannered children will listen to any direction given to them, where as the truly intelligent children will be able to decipher an acceptable command from an unacceptable command.  I agree.  I have seen many children who listen to us all day, but as soon as mom or dad comes, they stop listening.  I have multiple stories to support the evidence for you point.

Children are always pushing buttons, parents have to deal with a child pushing that same button every day, repeatedly.  Teachers usually end the button pushing immediately.  Again, setting clear boundaries in a quick and efficient manner.

People don't talk "good", they talk/speak "well".  That could be one problem addressed.

Answer 7

They know YOUR limits and buttons. They don't know the teacher's/babysitter's/coach's/etc. They aren't as ready to push the boundaries that aren't as clear set.

Answer 8

this is true in every age group, i have always wondered that too, i think it's because they feel like they have to earn their attention/approval, my 5 yr old is an angel at school everyone just adores her, but at home, omygoodness it's another story

Answer 9

I think that kids listen to other people better than their own parents because they are afraid of what the reaction may be its unpredictable with their parents , parents usually have a routine which is predictable and the kid knows what they can and cant get a way with

Answer 10

Oh this is definitely true!  At school, I was always a teacher's pet type student, listened well, was basically the model student.  At home, to put it simply, I was a b**** a quarter of the time.  I think it has to do what you said, I always felt like I had to prove myself to the teachers, and I wanted them to think the best of me.  My parents always told me they loved me, were proud of me etc, so I was secure in knowing that.