Why do you suppose we get thumbed down when all we do is answer with our person truths as adoptees?

Question

lady, why did you float over the actual question? i didn't ask you about being an orphan or being abused.

Answer 1

It is rare to see an answer to ANY question answered by ANYONE that doesn't have at least one thumbs down. It's not just the adoptees who get thumbs down, my dear.  I doesn't mean anything other than people are reading your answers and either agreeing or disagreeing.  You're totally anonymous so use that to your advantage and speak your mind.

Answer 2

you probable thumbed down people who have had good adoption experience

Answer 3

you know-the truth hurts. wah, wah. no one wants to see sleeping beauty not wake up or cinderella fall on her face at the ball.

Answer 4

Heaven forbid we have stories that arn't all rosey & peachy keen.

Pap's only seem to want to hear that they are doing a great thing, that their saving on of us lowly lil adoptees.

Don't you know you should be grateful not hateful?

Answer 5

I think it's rude. Unless the person is telling a big fat lie, I don't thumbs down. Just because your opinion isn't mine doesn't mean that it's wrong.

Answer 6

Because adoptees are supposed to be happy

and grateful dontcha know! LOL

ps I heart Irish!  I hope when I find my Dad he is as cool as  you!

Answer 7

I don't like it either.  If someone is just sharing their life story why the thumbs down?  

I try to give just thumbs up.  If i don't like someones answer i just skip over it. (no thumbs)  If someone is obnoxious then i give them a thumb down.

ETA:  Sarah B...  Please stop talking.  You just keep digging yourself in deeper.  Not trying to be mean.....we've all done it at one time or another but seriously stop.  Go back and look at some previously asked questions, you might learn why.

Answer 8

People don't want to hear anything "negative" about adoption.  The minute you write it, expect the thumbs down.  And sadly, I'll admit that those who had a good experience, who feel no desire to search also unfairly get thumbs down sometimes.  (Unless they criticize those who do search, as if something's wrong with everyone else b/c THEY don't care about their first families...that's just annoying...)

To Lady_of_rats: don't suppose that everyone who is adopted would have been raised by parents who resented them or would have grown up in foster care.

I'm a BSE adoptee, taken from my mom at the age of 18 months because she worked as a waitress, didn't make enough money, was single (husband abandoned her years earlier) and for a brief while she {{{*GASP*}}} "lived with a man to whom she was not married" (actually written IN the court docs).  Even when she no longer lived with him, the court record mentioned that 'up until' such & such a time, she "lived with a man to whom she was not married".  

There was no aide to families with dependent children, no medicare, no public assistance.   No criminal history, no allegations of alcoholism, no drug use. She was just poor.  

They took me from a loving mother and put me in foster care. After a year, they told my mom that she'd never have custody of me again. My foster parents adopted me.  I adored my dad. And bent over backward for years to please my adopted mom (never succeeded).

My foster parents were alcoholics. They believed in corporal punishment, and my adopted mother abused me physically & emotionally (guess that 's what you'd call it - when a mother beats her child with a board so badly that I literally couldn't sit down. That's abuse, yes?)  When I got pregnant as a teen, my adopted mother said to me, "You're a tramp and a w***e, just like your mother."  (My mother was not a w***e, BTW. I have the court records.)

It just infuriates me when people feel compelled at every turn insist that birth mothers "didn't want" their child. That all adoptees were unwanted, or would have been aborted (it wasn't LEGAL or affordable or available for MANY of our birth mothers!)  Most birth mothers surrender because they feel they have NO other options.  Many, many between the mid 1940's & the early 1970's had no way to support their children financially, were forced or threatened by family to relinquish. Oh, and there was no birth control available to single women in many states (it was illegal as late as 1972 to distribute birth control to single people in many states).  

So please, make your argument for or against adoption for whatever reasons you wish. If YOUR birth mom gave YOU up willingly (and hopefully you've heard that from HER own lips, not someone else's who may only know what they were told, which could be false), then say "MY birth mother".  My adoption. But stop generalizing.  

It's very annoying to those of us who've met OUR birth mothers and know we were loved & wanted after all.  It was a horrible thing to grow up believing I was "unwanted" by my own mother.  Then THIS mother (adopted) didn't want me either.  And even though I now know the truth, that "unwanted" $#it still lingers.  

I apologize for getting off track with the question...comments like that just make me insane!

Answer 9

wait... so you would rather have grown up in foster care or by people who were resentful of you for being born?

Answer 10

I think you got thumbs down because people adopt this child into their home as their own flesh and blood, and your answer said that family was not good enough and you needed a lifetime of therapy anyway. I think that offends some people who wish that they could have been adopted instead of live with their birth parents who abused them their whole life and they felt unwanted. I think adoption is wonderful thing and I plan to adopt a child, and I dont' think that my child should need a lifetime of therapy because I choose to adopt it. If you were not adopted, you could have lived as an orphan and I think that your answer came across as not having gratitude for you family and a loving connection with them. It sounded kinda bitter.

I hope I didnt' offend, I just said why I think you got thumbs down. Even those raised by their birth parents often need a lifetime of therapy. And many kids that are adopted are well adjusted. So I think your answer was offensive to some.

Answer 11

I love Phil's response!  : )

We all get thumbed down.  People have emailed me to tell me that they simply give me a thumbs down because I sign my signature using the word "miracle".  Even though I have changed it to reflect that it is what "we" consider to be our miracle, I still get the thumbs down.  It used to upset me, but now I just laugh at it.  

I think as long as people are speaking their opinion or about their own situation and state it as such (rather than saying that "all" situations are that way), they shouldn't get the thumbs down.  But when people try to say that everyone feels a certain way or someone is down right rude or insulting, then they deserve a thumbs down (in my opinion).

Answer 12

Everybody thumbs.  Everybody.  Thumbing is a part of life.  Life sucks.  Thus, thumbing is a part of sucking.  

Thus, everyone sucks thumbs.  

Well, except me.  I play with my hair.  Odd nervous habit, that.  But it's one I've managed to keep well into my adulthood, long after most people have stopped sucking their thumbs.

Except here.  Here, everyone sucks thumbs.

Answer 13

Some people don't want to see that there are things lacking in an adopted person's life simply because of adoption.

If they accept those personal truths that are not all happy then they may have to look at the adoption process differently.  Like maybe it needs to be accountable to all people affected by it and reevaluate their own views on the need for reform.        

I personally appreciate both the happy and sad side personal truths that accompany adoption.  But what both say is important & I personally don't thumbs down anyone unless it is a truly abusive statement someone makes.

ADD:  Phil's answer rocks!

Answer 14

Probably for the same reason that others in the "triad" get thumbed down when they tell their experience, or their truth.

Answer 15

I don't thumbs down responders for sharing stories, positive or negative.  I think it's important to look at other perspectives and get some different stories and opinions.  

I do thumb down mean-spirited, insulting answers like... say... how international adoptive parents are buying children. That'll get a thumbs down.  Or how infertile people are master manipulators who only want to con women into giving them their babies.  Yup, thumbs down there.  

So please, trying to justify venomous responses like that as "truths" and "education" is ridiculuous.

Answer 16

i see adoption as a beautiful thing through it my little sis has a real life and one in general and she should be more confused then anyone i mean she's black and we're white but she is happy

Answer 17

It's 9:00PM C.S.T. as I read this on Easter Eve. I have been drinking some so please excuse me if I don't answer correctly as anyone else sees it. The reason for the thumbs down is because of a mind set. It's like racism or any ism that exists. Prejudice means to pre-judge and that's what is going on here in this section as well as life in many other ways of life. Actually I have more in common with adoptees than you think, but that's another subject and another story. The general public will never see your side of it because they don't feel it. They are not you. They cannot relate no matter how much you try and educate. Adoptees are really not regarded as equal persons under the law. Adoptees have had an identity crisis since they first realized they were adopted. I have only learned all this over the past year or so. No one wants to hear about the serious problems of another. They just don't. Compassion is what life is all about and there is very little of it in the world. I experience it in other ways. All I know for sure right now is that I am really glad I met my daughter for the first time 19 months ago. We have each other and she and my three sons are 4 really good people. That's what really counts at least to me. Anyway, I will not ramble on anymore. I will do my part in this struggle for equal rights, but  you can never change the minds or mind set of people. Thinks of yourself  in your own mind sets. I am as guilty as most when it comes to this but now, I am really aware of my own faults. Enough, I will talk to you all again.

Answer 18

Every body thumbs down things.  For various reasons some they don’t like the person who answered so they just thumbs them down with out even reading the question. In some cases they disagree with what the person put.   In cases of someone sharing their life experiences I think all should get thumbs or person can just be neutral on a subject and not do either.  However that does not happen.

Answer 19

It's a downer.  People like fairy tales.  

Hollywood knows this--happy endings always make more money than sad ones.