Why do you think my mother inlaw gets so defensive when my husband makes a comment about his niece's behavior?

Question

I just don’t understand why my mother inlaw gets so defensive when it comes to her grandaughter. I realize that there is a strong bond there, but my mother inlaw is 62 years old and definitely knows right from wrong. My husband used to act the same way about his niece until I revealed my feelings about her a couple of years ago. The child is just downright disrespecful, ill-mannered and disobedient. The only people who really show her love are my inlaws and my husband, but that’s still no excuse for her to act a fool. She talks back, she runs through the house, she runs into walls, bounces off walls, rolls in the floor and messes with things that she knows she has no business messing with. She spends 80-90% of her time with my inlaws because that’s where she wants to be. She lives with her mother. Her father (my husband’s adopted brother) sees her every blue moon. Both of her parents are wrapped up into their own lives so this child is often left out.

Answer 1

she might feel that its the only connection to the family she still wants

Answer 2

That is a tough situation. It's your inlaws' fault. They give in to her and don't set boundaries. If they think she is bad now just wait until she is older. It does seem that girls are more difficult than boys. I think your niece is just acting the way most kids would act without rules or any kind of discipline. What does your mil think will happen when this child is out on her own? At least she has the safety net. She won't in the future. I don't know what you can do to convince her to change her ways. It won't be easy if she does.

You need to do what is best for you so if you need to distance yourself from this situation then that might be best.

I'm kind of in a similar situation myself. I'm coming off a weekend that wasn't too bad. (it's relative)  I've been actively taking myself out of the situation and I think it has been better for me. This girl can make me want to scream, she's so aggravating. She can be quite the little brat. She just stresses me out because she's so difficult. She's never happy. Her dad and her brother joke about it. I don't find it funny because she stresses me out. I'm trying to no avail. It's not appreciated by her. It's expected or so it feels to me. There isn't an acknowledgement, not that I need one. It's mostly just to shut her up. (that wasn't my intention earlier on. It is now because I'm tired of listening to her. It's constant.)

This could be what you have to look forward to.

It might be time for you to back out. What else can you do?

I've been leaving more. (going to the gym to work out, go upstairs to play my keyboard, do homework, etc.)

Answer 3

wow this was quite the story!

it seems like when this child acts out, it doesn't effect you much in any way, as you're not even there. let grandma and grandpa decide how they're going to raise this little girl. somebody, somewhere, someday is going to say something to her that'll whip her into reality. until then, let her be a brat and ignore her completely when she does. she'll get the idea. your husband has already given his opinion on the matter, and that's all he can do. when she's in your care, you can punish her as you see nessecary. when she's not, it's not your place. grandma will have her breaking point. just wait it out.