Why do you think there are less males on adoption forums?

Question

Do you think that adoption forums have a noticeable difference between the amount of males compared to females posting? If so, why do you think this is the case?

Answer 1

I disagree with Chelsea.  My husband is just as into our adoption process as I am, I am just the one who has a more social networking pre-disposition, while he just enjoys the kids.

Answer 2

Because the adoption process involves women more than men.  On the birth parent side, and I speculate on the adoptive parent side too.  I think going through with an adoption is similar to pregnancy, the woman probably does most of the footwork.)

Answer 3

Im a man and a proud dad of my adopted daughter, I find some of the answers to your question, offensive and discriminative, men are just as emotionally involved with adoption as women, its not a competition!!! adopted parents have all of their past revealed to the authorities, every detail is sifted through, by strangers, this is a very emotional time and my wife and I stood strong to achieve what we set out to do which was to adopt a child, please stop patronizing men, its old hat and boring, women are equal, so why start discriminating against men, were not all football mad lager guzzlers, dark ages springs to mind

Answer 4

In most cases, its the wife's idea to adopt. Even single women who adopt are much more frequent than single men. I have seen many men who will marry into a family, (No children of their own, 3 men In my family) But they rarely talk about adoption. They consider themselves Dad. I never even think about my daughter as adopted. She is my daughter. I think it's more difficult for women to think that way. I think women are more self conscious about it, and more willing to ask for advice.

Answer 5

Because Men in general are not as forthcoming with their feelings as women are..

Answer 6

Adoption can be a very emotional issue. As is searching and reunion.  I believe many men prefer not to dwell on (or deal too deeply with) some of the harder emotions inherit to adoption - loss, a sense of rejection, fear, sadness, vulnerability.  

In a fairly broad generalization, men are more likely to view the world in 'black & white' (psychologically), rather than in shades of gray.  And I definitely believe most men would rather avoid the feelings of vulnerability!  

It's funny...culture/society likes to believe that women are the "weaker" s*x.  Yet when it comes to handling life's more difficult, often emotional issues - birth, death, illness, etc. - women are exceedingly strong.  IMHO

Answer 7

Think about it, what s*x matures faster. Will males really understand it?

Answer 8

Well, I think if you look at any type of parenting education, involvement, participation etc., women are more involved in men.  So, that happens in adoptive families, too.  To the man who just answered that he's too exhausted and doesn't have time, I'm guessing a lot of women here are working mothers who also take on more parenting responsibilities than their spouse.  I am one of them.  (I'm not complainin - my husband is a great and involved father - I just think it's the nature of motherhood)  I make the time because part of my responsibilities as an adoptive mother is to be as educated as I can about adoption issues, and I want to share any wisdom I have with others who need it for their children.  It's just part of the responsibility women seem to take more than men.  I think it's a being a mother thing  So that's it from the paretng perspective.  As far as from the adoptee perspective, I'm guessing men tend to just be less expressive.  Men, for example, use about half as many words per day as women.  It's that kind of thing.  But, I do think there are holes in understanding the adoption experience in forums because of the lack of participation of male adoptees, adoptive fathers, and birthfathers.

Answer 9

Truthfully?

Men are taught by society not to be emotional.  We are taught not to talk about our problems, not to express our feelings.  We are told that doing so makes us weak.  And doing so does, indeed, ostracize us from our peers.  

There are men who buck this, like DaveF.  But for most men, they learn early, in order to survive in our society, to deal with problems, rather than talk about them.  To suppress emotions rather than express them.

Going against society in this way is not easy.  Men learn this behavior from men and from women.

Answer 10

cause they are short of young children under 5 if the child was older they find it hard to to place them but younger its better lm going through it with my daughter my grandson is 2 in july and they want to have him adopted by strangers social services lies cant be trusted l would never trust them ever be warned

Answer 11

I wonder about that too.  

With my husband, it's because he's too busy. He works from home and watches our three kids, volunteers at their schools,  and coaches a little league team.  He's going to school at night for his master's degree, and so does his studying after the kids have gone to bed.

re: a couple of answers about men not being as involved in adoption - My husband did most of the paperwork, and handled all our contact with the social workers.  He is the one who has gone out of his way to find out about & call up strangers that he has heard are from our kids' home countries so that our kids can have a connection with their culture.

Answer 12

i think both men and women want children, but as nature is, women get broody, and if they can't have a child they yurn for one and i think its a much stronger instint to want a child for a woman,

but men also want babies too im not saying that im just saying that its woman who carry children its their instinc to get pregnat and want babies etc

Answer 13

It's my thought that men sort of feel secondary in any opinion or decision making so they just sort of lay back and read what's on here. I know that's what I do. I just wish my daughter's  nmother would talk to her and let her see what she looks like, but she chooses not to.

Answer 14

Boys and men are often not as comfortable talking about their feelings, and the adoption section of Answers is often about someone's feelings.

Answer 15

My husband goes online for two reasons - fantasy baseball and fantasy football.  LOL - I don't think he recognizes his computer does anything more than that.  It's just not in his nature to be online in message boards.

I'm the researcher, information gatherer in the relationship. I spend time on message boards because I'm looking for information. I also have a support board for, well, the support and to communicate with other women who have been down this road before me.

It doesn't mean he's not involved in our adoption - quite the contrary. His involvement has been so incredible, I think I've fallen in love with him all over again - and just keep realizing how lucky I am to get to spend the rest of my life with him. It's OUR adoption, we're definitely in this together.

Y!A attracts more men than other boards I've been on. I think the ones that are support boards have mostly women because we have different emotional needs. My husband can't meet all of my emotional needs, he can't always communicate with me the way that I want. If he could, he'd be a woman.

BTW - Why is it insulting to men to say that? Is it news to anyone that men and women process information differently? That there are different emotional needs? That we function in the world differently?  When did saying the needs are different translate into one is better/worse or right/wrong?

Answer 16

I sometimes wonder if it is because we scare them away... I know I can be pretty bullheaded and opinionated.For my son's and husband, when I get this way, they stay as far away as possible. Maybe other men have read some of the questions and answers here and decided they didn't want to deal with us.

Answer 17

I asked my 50+ questions months ago..I still follow it but from a distance. For me personally? I'm exhausted, plus I have other problems going on. ! I wish I could be on here 24/7 but can not at this time.

Answer 18

My husband is very active on several adoption forums, particularly ones that deal specifically with Liberia adoptions or Africa adoptions.

ETA: Ask me why he does not participate on this particular forum.